tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53194551411086163812024-03-05T01:37:59.149-08:00Updates on my journey...on the road of life.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.comBlogger210125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-86062320546449683812012-09-06T21:15:00.024-07:002012-09-08T23:25:28.271-07:00This Little Bird<span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKBnCV39qvLfBOeD1lU-WhwddHkTiPCuisvDi9KIfuW_QgBJON83YeI-wmEvh3QpUVKJrZ9F_VmhExj9a943OIZWzsYnD43cvoW4z_6XysTdqwXe_S8D1QWmrVMvjutgCsCwqK6VYFbCo/s1600/216857_10151005189055855_772300106_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKBnCV39qvLfBOeD1lU-WhwddHkTiPCuisvDi9KIfuW_QgBJON83YeI-wmEvh3QpUVKJrZ9F_VmhExj9a943OIZWzsYnD43cvoW4z_6XysTdqwXe_S8D1QWmrVMvjutgCsCwqK6VYFbCo/s320/216857_10151005189055855_772300106_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5785303903186364370" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>5 years ago, I peacefully sat at my dining room table one night drawing <b><i>this little bird</i></b>.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had no idea what the next week held for me, and that it would shatter my world. While I drew <b><i>this little bird</i></b> over and over, obsessing about the tail not being the right angle, erasing and redrawing and erasing again, I had no idea that in such a short amount of time, the man I loved and planned to marry would be killed suddenly and tragically by my neighbor. </div><div><br /></div><div>While I sat and drew <b><i>this little bird</i></b>, I felt safe in my house. I had no idea that in just one week, the house would become a place of horror, memories and nightmares that would haunt me for years. While I drew <i><b>this little bird</b></i> I never imagined I wouldn't feel safe in my house, and would never draw another little bird at that table again. </div><div><br /></div><div>When I drew <b><i>this little bird</i></b>, I thought I had everything, and I did. A man who loved me and wanted to share his life with me and me with him, a career path for myself, a house I owned and the plans to remodel it... I had no idea that in a week after drawing <b><i>this little bird</i></b>, that I would be broken into a million pieces. I had no idea that I would be unable to fully pull the pieces of myself back together and become me again for years.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I drew <b><i>this little bird</i></b>, I had no idea what journey lay ahead of me, and I definitely didn't know that <i><b>this little bird</b></i> would leave me, and her journey would be so much different than mine.</div><div><br /></div><div>After the night Carter was killed, I was still in shock at the police station, while <i><b>this little bird</b></i> sat in a pile of drawings on my dining room table. The end of Carter's life, and my life as I knew it, was the beginning of <b><i>this little bird</i></b> having a life of her own. That day, while grief's hands ripped at my chest and stomach, <i><b>this little bird</b></i> was found and freed. I always thought she would stay with me, as part of me, but when I was too weak to stand, someone took her and promised her a better life. I don't blame <i style="font-weight: bold; ">this little bird</i>... I was a mess at the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>The next few years I wandered aimlessly, searching for signs and clues in nature and all around me to tell me to live, and why I should want to live. Simultaneously as I wandered, unbeknownst to me, the person who promised<b><i> this little bird</i></b> a better life had bigger plans for her than just me; a wreckage of tears.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>This little bird</i></b> was copied and put into frames with lyrics of Carter's and given out to those around her, but not me... Even though I'd been promised one of these cherished items, I never received one. That's when I knew <b style="font-style: italic; ">this little bird </b>had begun to change, and left me in the dust.</div><div><br /></div><div>She must have sensed my weakness and thought she could fill the role I was too "emotionally unstable" to fill. <i><b>This little bird</b></i> became tired of just being "Ryann's" little bird, drawn with pencil on paper. She wanted to be much bigger than that.</div><div><br /></div><div>I would have never guessed that this little bird would become so many things. So many of the things she became I only found out about through other little birds telling me long after the fact. </div><div>While I searched for myself and sense of security,<i><b> this little bird</b></i> was given wings, became a tattoo, a company logo, a name for a horse, a concert poster, and then came full circle to raise money for a foundation started in Carter's memory. </div><div><i><b><br /></b></i></div><div><i><b>This little bird</b></i> must have sensed that I was too weak for the task. So she became the symbol for my idea born in the aftermath, of my grief, that I had shared with the person who lured her away. My idea to take pieces of Carter, his guitar strings that he had loved and touched, and make them into something tangible I could wear and hold on to. Instead, <b><i>this little bird</i></b> taught me that nothing tangible lasts forever. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's 5 years later. I'm not broken anymore. I still love and miss Carter everyday. He and I delighted in <b><i>this little bird</i></b> together. Even though I wish I was included in memorials to him, I take some satisfaction in knowing that <b><i>this little bird</i></b> I drew, well before I knew grief, has taken on a life of her own and is very front and center in his memory, even if I'm not. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I left <i><b>this little bird</b></i> behind, but always had my <i>eye on this bird</i> from afar. I moved on and forward with my head held high and his love and memories tattooed on my heart. I have a new love of my life, he is 3 and makes my heart smile everyday: I am a mother now. I have plans for my future, but I know not to trust in plans too much. I know that there is no <i>boring</i> in life. The moments where nothing is happening are peaceful and the most beautiful moments of all. I no longer take those moments for granted. I've found <i>me</i> again. I'm strong again. Strong enough to tell everyone that this is <i><b>my little bird</b></i>, and I'm ready for <b><i>this little bird</i></b> to claim me too. </div><div><br /></div>I'm so proud of <i><b>this little bird</b></i>, and all she has accomplished. I'm sad she felt the need to shut me out and pretend like I didn't create her with love and care. <i><b>This little bird</b></i> left me in my darkest days to pursue her desires without even a postcard from her journey. </span><i><b>This little bird</b></i> broke my heart, but at the same time, this little bird has made me proud to say, "she's mine!"<span class="Apple-style-span"><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></span>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-91338454580164917802012-07-20T17:28:00.001-07:002012-07-20T17:42:19.219-07:00People With Guns<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_0ivtdFZPKdylP6eO-LPNonKNAlcgFpMzrUIswGkvMDLHxpeCAq-JYN-gqPwxzFtNG_ZdD6xJpdB1YbTRA9_98H_Zw_DeidJQ1hiA49T88-UWSFDJ2OG7ML7gh_GMJm3IbL1gsLp01X8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-07-20+at+7.24.01+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="59" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_0ivtdFZPKdylP6eO-LPNonKNAlcgFpMzrUIswGkvMDLHxpeCAq-JYN-gqPwxzFtNG_ZdD6xJpdB1YbTRA9_98H_Zw_DeidJQ1hiA49T88-UWSFDJ2OG7ML7gh_GMJm3IbL1gsLp01X8/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-07-20+at+7.24.01+PM.png" width="320" /></a><br />
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I haven’t commented on the tragedy in Colorado. I haven’t wanted to read the news. I have an obvious aversion to news stories where someone is senselessly shot and killed. But after finding one a victim (shot, but alive), is a family friend, I feel like I should say something.<br />
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There is no excuse for this. My heart breaks for the victims, the families and the survivors who will be haunted by the their terror and the horror they witnessed. My heart, prayers and love are being sent their way.
There’s no excuse that this murderer’s (I won’t say his name and give his name fame or infamy) friends & family didn’t see this coming. There’s no excuse that someone like the murderer had access to those kinds of weapons.<br />
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I hate guns. I don’t they should be completely banned, but I think that most people out there don’t need to own even one gun! Why did this murderer have access to that kind of weaponry when so many people can’t even afford health care or have access to basic human needs?! It’s sad, infuriating and incidents like this are the result of poor judgement that is a common theme in our country’s politics. Both sides. *soap box dismount*<br />
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And from the twitterverse:<br />
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<br />Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-28133702456493490672011-09-22T19:56:00.000-07:002011-09-22T20:00:50.839-07:00TwitterTwitter has really taken the place of my blogging... <br /><br />... but it shouldn't... blogging is more thought out, more creative and better all around .. (at least for me in a selfish way)... twitter is like a blurb, an immediate thought... one which (sometimes) I can't wait until it's too far to scroll down to read. Twitter is about the mundane boring details... I have expectations for my blogs: I expect them to be funny, witty, clever or insightful... maybe I ask too much of my blogging in this Twitterverse kinda world.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-43862894948337811792011-07-13T22:28:00.000-07:002011-07-13T23:10:14.331-07:00IfWe just bought a really great and thoughtful book called <a href="http://rulesformyunbornson.net/">"Rules For My Unborn Son"</a> It it filled with great advice for more than just boys, but men and women too... One of the "rules" was that everyone should memorize their favorite poem. <br /><br />What's your favorite poem? <br /><br />Mine is:<span style="font-style:italic;"> If </span>by Rudyard Kipling: <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">If</span><br /><br />If you can keep your head when all about you <br />Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; <br />If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, <br />But make allowance for their doubting too; <br />If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, <br />Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, <br />Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, <br />And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;<br /><br />If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; <br />If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; <br />If you can meet with triumph and disaster <br />And treat those two imposters just the same; <br />If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken <br />Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, <br />Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, <br />And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;<br /><br />If you can make one heap of all your winnings <br />And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, <br />And lose, and start again at your beginnings <br />And never breath a word about your loss; <br />If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew <br />To serve your turn long after they are gone, <br />And so hold on when there is nothing in you <br />Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";<br /><br />If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, <br />Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; <br />If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; <br />If all men count with you, but none too much; <br />If you can fill the unforgiving minute <br />With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - <br />Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, <br />And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-26309088258259904702011-06-30T21:59:00.000-07:002011-06-30T22:06:09.680-07:00I used to be funny... I swearI wrote this, 4 or 5 years ago... when I was more naive and definitely more intoxicated:<br /><br /><br />Dearest Jagermeister,<br /><br />I'm sorry to end our relationship in a blog. I know that we have history together, but I feel that we have finally grown apart, and now must part ways and move on.<br /><br />I'm not ending this relationship because I've found another more tasty shot, and <span style="font-weight:bold;">don't think I would replace you with</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">Tuaca </span>(which I know has been done to you before). I don't even like Tuaca! There is no other shot I would rather take than you, with exception of the <span style="font-weight:bold;">occasional Tequila shot</span>.<br /><br />I remember when we first met, before Jager machines and bombs catapulted your popularity to drinkers in all demographics. I loved your ice cold herbal liqueur shots, and the fun times that followed. I loved your green glass bottle, and even the funny German name.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I have fond memories of the way things used to be and moments we've shared:<br /></span><br />Like the time when my dear friend and I drank an entire bottle, out of itty-bitty blown glass shot glasses (the size of thimbles) that my sister made.<br /><br />In Miami, when we decided to swim in the ocean at 4am after clubbing together... so much fun! It was unfortunate that I was the o<span style="font-weight:bold;">nly person who was stung by a jellyfish</span> minutes later, but nevertheless you helped make the experience a <span style="font-weight:bold;">teeny-weenie bit less painful.</span> <br /><br />You encouraged me to keep trying to beat the high scores in Word Dojo and General Trivia, and I finally did.<br /><br />Good times ... ah ... good times ...<br /><br />But lately, <span style="font-weight:bold;">things have not been the same between us</span>. I don't have any good recent memories of time spent with you. <span style="font-weight:bold;">Actually, I don't remember anything at all!</span> My only memories are made secondhand, the next day, when I check my drunken text messages and look through my dialed calls. It didn't used to be this way.<br /><br />You don't treat me the way you used to, and I think we both know this is true. We've finally grown apart. Know that I'll always remember the good times... well, at least the ones I can remember.<br /><br />I wish you the best,<br /><br />-Ryann<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">PS. I'm keeping your hat (the one with your logo)</span>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-54618107340460841922011-05-04T14:33:00.000-07:002011-05-04T14:55:13.627-07:00Mother's Day3 years ago, if you would have told me that I would be a mother of an 18 month old, I would have laughed in your face, "NO WAY!" There is no way I could have possibly imagined the path that life has taken me. <br /><br />Four years ago, after suffering the sudden and tragic loss of the love of my life, I was searching.... searching for life, searching for clues... searching for myself, searching for a reason to want to live. I drove across the country and back. Along the way I was partying way too much... I was smoking cigarettes by the carton, drinking, popping pills, anything to keep me from feeling like a part of real life.<br /> <br />I had just decided to move to a new city. I had just signed the lease to a cute studio apartment, I was two weeks away from moving. The last thing I was expecting was to be expecting... and then it happened. My body was acting a little funky, so on a whim I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was IMMEDIATELY positive. Like an out-of-body experience, I stood there... holding the test... I could barely even read the results because my hand was shaking so badly. I felt weak. I felt like I was going to faint. So, I popped a Klonopin and made the phone call.... "I'm pregnant." That was just a little over two years ago...<br /><br />Now I have this perfect little man, this little being in my life who is the love of my life. I have this little family that I love so very dearly. I have found life again. I love being a part of life again. Being a mother has changed my life for the better, I take better care of myself, because I want to make sure I can be there for him to provide him with the best life possible. I look into his eyes and I find the strength that I never knew I had, and I find love that I never knew I'd ever be able to experience, on a level that I never even knew existed.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-91759821754695128082011-04-27T18:01:00.000-07:002011-04-27T19:03:13.658-07:00Crocs...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_SFB5-iJUi4SzWGPBO6izZ09VqIIq4nouQem3UTcTjQrqAb-MLUQ1JnnzDvDuO_gWJ9DqhE1GtRskHvJCN7pZqSe9n64VgrIrsyB75t64XgNchpahrKii1SqyaARWQUihmUNeXLy9JI/s1600/Picture+3.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 246px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_SFB5-iJUi4SzWGPBO6izZ09VqIIq4nouQem3UTcTjQrqAb-MLUQ1JnnzDvDuO_gWJ9DqhE1GtRskHvJCN7pZqSe9n64VgrIrsyB75t64XgNchpahrKii1SqyaARWQUihmUNeXLy9JI/s320/Picture+3.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600442015332114274" /></a><br /><br />I know I've talked about my unfortunate love of Crocs before...<br /><br />Yes... it's true.<br /><br />I always hated the shoes, thought everyone looked ridiculous wearing them, unless they were really old, or little kids... And then, one day 4 years ago, it happened: <br /><br />I was about to go outside barefoot and a pair of Croc flip-flops were by the backdoor. So, I slipped them on and.... <span style="font-weight:bold;">BOOM!</span> They were the most comfortable flip-flops I had ever had on my feet. It was like walking on two perfect orthapedic clouds made just for me... and I unfortunately fell <span style="font-style:italic;">in love</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">But those were flip-flops,</span> I told myself, <span style="font-style:italic;">not the Croc-y Crocs that you see people wearing in ridiculous colors that I would NEVER wear</span>. Little did I know, that the <span style="font-weight:bold;">flip-flops were the gateway drug of Crocs</span>... after about a year I bought a pair of brown real Croc-y Crocs... I told myself and other people that they were my "studio shoes"... I mean, what artist doesn't need a good pair of studio shoes??? Right?! Riiiiiight...<br /><br />Having "studio shoes" was just a <span style="font-weight:bold;">slippery slope</span> to wearing them all of the time... They became the easy shoe to slip on whenever I had to go anywhere... I became one of THOSE Croc wearing people... and I didn't even care, because my feet were so happy... after a lifetime of uncomfortable cute shoes, <span style="font-weight:bold;">my feet were SO happy</span>. <br /><br /> I wish I could say that my addiction to Crocs stopped there... but that would be a lie. I even went to a Croc outlet store and bought Croc Maryjanes... I justified this purchase to myself and thought, <span style="font-style:italic;">if I was going to wear Crocs everyday, it'd be better if they didn't look so Croc-ish...</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl3mMnR_Jn5ffzyXCeiLbJQteP8l6M5rG2146GLZg2o_q3hnVRf7VpkAA_tWUwAtsqr2lm_b0VixB6Zl8VrqsKQl4lgbEVjOqIVVkRwg0OTSvEsDRhmh871JxlK7DmV7BviWfbrsN3wXQ/s1600/Picture+2.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl3mMnR_Jn5ffzyXCeiLbJQteP8l6M5rG2146GLZg2o_q3hnVRf7VpkAA_tWUwAtsqr2lm_b0VixB6Zl8VrqsKQl4lgbEVjOqIVVkRwg0OTSvEsDRhmh871JxlK7DmV7BviWfbrsN3wXQ/s320/Picture+2.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600441795971263170" /></a><br /><br />I wore both pair all through out my pregnancy, and post baby too... and then one day I decided, it was time to step up the wardrobe. So, I sold the Mary Janes at a garage sale <span style="font-style:italic;">(lucky bitch</span>), and I decided to keep the "studio shoes" for gardening... (<span style="font-style:italic;">yeah right</span>)... <br /><br />This is where <span style="font-weight:bold;">divine intervention</span> must have taken place, and now those shoes have magically dissappeared... <span style="font-weight:bold;">gone forever</span>... Which is probably for the best... I know it is.<br /><br />But the whole point of this LONG Croc story is, I decided to buy some Crocs for my little guy. Little kids look so cute in them and they are so easy to put on... it doesn't matter if they get wet... ya know... <br /><br />So finally, they arrive in the mail, and I go to put them on his feet and he screams and cries in horror! <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">MY BABY HATES CROCS!!</span>! What??? I'm so confused... they are so comfortable, they are so easy... and yet he cries and tugs at them and wants to get them off as fast as he can... <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">My kid is so much cooler than I'll ever be...</span>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-4281406563160087482011-03-16T21:27:00.000-07:002011-03-16T21:55:21.589-07:00Praying for JapanI thought about blogging, about the little idiosyncrasies of the day:<br />Like blogging about how someone stole my debit card info and tried to use my card, or about how I can't believe the CVS by my house is only open till 10 pm, or about how scared I was taking my little one to the dentist for the first time...<br /><br />And then I think about Japan. I see the videos of the tsunami, and my heart breaks for Japan, and the people effected by the earthquake, tsunami and now the fear of radiation from the nuclear reactors... <br />and when I see videos like this one, I'm speechless:<br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/w3AdFjklR50" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />How can I bitch about everyday life when my everyday life is normal!?<br /><br />I still have a house, a city, a child to take to the dentist... I feel so fortunate that for today, everyone I know and love is safe and sound. I know firsthand how fast that can change... So, today, I'm embracing my mundane day-to-day activities of everyday life, and saying prayer and sending all my love to the people of Japan... <a href="http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/11/five-ways-you-can-help-earthquake-and-tsunami-victims-in-japan/">and donating too</a>... <br /><br />There is one story that came out of Japan, among the countless stories of horror and heartbreak, there is one story that makes my heart happy. <a href="http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/15/miracles-in-japan-four-month-old-baby-70-year-old-woman-found-alive/?xid=rss-world">The story of a little baby found alive and reunited with her family.</a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-69752886414638823722011-03-08T18:48:00.000-08:002011-03-08T20:58:48.097-08:00Drunk AssLaissez les bon temps rouler!<br /><br />Happy Mardi Gras everyone!<br /><br />I love LOVE LOVE Mardi Gras!!! And I'm so sad that I'm not in NOLA this year for it! It is my all time favorite holiday... I wish that Mardi Gras was a national holiday... In Louisiana, kids get a WEEK off of school and everyone wears costumes...<br /><br />I love costumes... I guess I'm a NOLA gal at heart. All of the Mardi Gras parades are amazing, but my very favorite day is Fat Tuesday, or Mardi Gras day, when everyone wears beautiful, elaborate costumes and everyone is so happy that the atmosphere is ELECTRIC... Everyone passing you on the street yells "Happy Mardi Gras!" or "Happy Carnival!"... it's an amazing experience to be in the French Quarter that day. <span style="font-weight:bold;">It's electric!</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaTL3_mYJ7zVp29XT6I8Wq4KTztQDIWTnWmRybywx06QhuwwUh6r_z4RS-2c3wmo5KZ_R7ySUMsbujEqH0-hP137Hh4_hDtLZjBrQUfco-VAPP3mN7y1gJHZs0Dovok6DNfKWH2dky_Mc/s1600/mardi+gras+1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaTL3_mYJ7zVp29XT6I8Wq4KTztQDIWTnWmRybywx06QhuwwUh6r_z4RS-2c3wmo5KZ_R7ySUMsbujEqH0-hP137Hh4_hDtLZjBrQUfco-VAPP3mN7y1gJHZs0Dovok6DNfKWH2dky_Mc/s320/mardi+gras+1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581917360151862322" /></a><br />I was not at Mardi Gras this year. I was instead, getting ready to fly to Orlando with a 16 month old to visit my bestfriend. I am so excited to see her and for the trip, but I was<span style="font-style:italic;"> freaking out</span> about flying with a busy toddler by myself... I just got an iPad and spent all of last night learning how to download shows and movies... I downloaded a bunch of <span style="font-style:italic;">Dora the Explorers</span> and <span style="font-style:italic;">Backyardigans</span>, and apps to keep little ones busy ... but I'm just learning how to use the iPad and at times it was so frustrating I wanted to cry and throw it! Throw it across the room/ in the trash... I didn't care.... I just hated the iPad last night.<br /><br />I think part of my problem is that I've never had an iPhone, and have rarely used my iPod, so this was all new territory for me. I stayed up until 2 am trying to figure everything out....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">So, last night I had stress-induced Mardi Gras dreams:</span><br /><br />I dreamed that I was playing the keyboard (<span style="font-style:italic;">yes... I had a gig... at a hotel...</span>) and I was missing the Mardi Gras celebration. But then, after my gig, I left the keyboard with the front desk and walked towards the action. <br /><br />All of these people were greeting me, <span style="font-style:italic;">"Hi Ryann, Happy Mardi Gras!"</span> They knew me, but I didn't recognize them, but I pretended to anyway... I thought I had <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia">Prosopagnosia</a> the same disorder that my sister called, excitedly the other day, to tell us she has: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia">Prosopagnosia</a> (look it up, yo!) ...and yes, she really does think she has this... and if I've ever not remembered you, maybe I have it too...<br /><br />Then, someone gave me a donkey to ride. So I was riding a donkey in the post-Mardi Gras crowd, when a girl gave my donkey a bucket of beer.... My donkey drank it, and got so drunk that he passed out... In the middle of the road.<br /><br />So, of course (in my dream), I wanted to take a picture with my phone and upload it to Facebook with the caption: "<span style="font-weight:bold;">My drunk ass at Mardi Gras!"</span> <br /> <br />Get it?! Drunk ass/donkey?? <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBjVjqmEcyGR_4rt132fnhn3OY4_eLaku5jSYj7hOaRWxVVIxhHGvwwk-gPpPY-N3nqBJQZNDM6IkwouaTGDFdzB4FcMzc05hPbhYkQvfyymXI8dORQNbE-Z5mKpn0TQMXuQE3xyT2KT4/s1600/donkey.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBjVjqmEcyGR_4rt132fnhn3OY4_eLaku5jSYj7hOaRWxVVIxhHGvwwk-gPpPY-N3nqBJQZNDM6IkwouaTGDFdzB4FcMzc05hPbhYkQvfyymXI8dORQNbE-Z5mKpn0TQMXuQE3xyT2KT4/s320/donkey.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581916844564398034" /></a><br /><br />I'm so slightly funny (<span style="font-style:italic;">or punny - haha)</span> in my dreams... <br /><br />Anyways, I could not get the phone to take a picture... and if it did take, I couldn't get it to upload to Facebook... very similar to my frustration with the iPad last night...<br /><br />But don't worry: There was no drunk ass at Mardi Gras... at least, no ass of mine! <br /><br />Happy MARDI GRAS!!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5apSSHJQzNM-PBO0vPpb1YfWfo54axtic29su3Cjoj5Qd-iLOzO9uQTVAgCgtrLtX-B4MiuvibbTPbxQ6CEUIODbX1UXfySGj9g_HeyLapr1JA6usqP2mtz-nbtS5qDe_7UjpekkbDYI/s1600/Picture+2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 172px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5apSSHJQzNM-PBO0vPpb1YfWfo54axtic29su3Cjoj5Qd-iLOzO9uQTVAgCgtrLtX-B4MiuvibbTPbxQ6CEUIODbX1UXfySGj9g_HeyLapr1JA6usqP2mtz-nbtS5qDe_7UjpekkbDYI/s200/Picture+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581917171919841010" /></a><br /><br /><br />By the way: <br />Thank GOD the iPad was created .... it is an AMAZING way to keep my toddler happy on a long plane ride!Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-75358450095172694652011-03-05T18:15:00.000-08:002011-03-05T18:47:40.942-08:00imagineI bought these really cool recycled tin letters online for the little guy's room.<br /><br />Out of all of the words I could have chose from: Peace, Smile, Dream, Hope, Live, Love and Imagine, I chose imagine. It reminded me of the John Lennon song and I thought it would be perfect for him to wake up and see the word "Imagine" everyday.<br /><br />Of course, I chose the word with the <span style="font-style:italic;">most letters</span>!!! SEVEN INDIVIDUAL LETTERS... and you have to hang each letter with screws, on the wall... And some letters have a hole for one screw in the back and some have two... How the hell am I gonna do this without going crazy?!<br /><br />When I opened the package, I laid out the letters on the dinning room table, and just getting them even and straight took at least 10 minutes... but I wasn't even trying to hang them...<br /><br />So, I found a piece of wood outside.... I think what I might do is paint this wood, and then glue the letters on the wood and then just hang the piece of wood... That sounds easier... I think... <br /><br />But now I'm trying to figure out, what color to paint the wood and what type of glue to use..... I'm imagining all of the possibilities... <br /><br />Here's what they look like laid out on the scrap wood:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2gj-ET5Iy0Q5Op1zJWrr9HN6NyxWw_DHicXBYpiVB9aR5dh2JZShOfwh1i4KrNxRxh3mf2Io3-8aBye2WcHYPufXxzFHa4t6i9QeH8kQylvXghAY5IhnhlRBCbuOHqn1xri22YRkGQGg/s1600/P3050194.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2gj-ET5Iy0Q5Op1zJWrr9HN6NyxWw_DHicXBYpiVB9aR5dh2JZShOfwh1i4KrNxRxh3mf2Io3-8aBye2WcHYPufXxzFHa4t6i9QeH8kQylvXghAY5IhnhlRBCbuOHqn1xri22YRkGQGg/s320/P3050194.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5580787915478754370" /></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-83053596364172410272011-02-12T22:52:00.000-08:002011-02-12T23:48:28.207-08:00New Year's reality checksOkay... So...<br /><br />I made resolutions this year. I had a goal... or goals... <br /><br />My first goal/resolution was to be, think and speak more positively. I think in the last 3 years, I've developed a pretty negative inner dialogue, and I don't want to become a bitter person... so this year's goal was to get out of the negativity and negative thinking! So far, I think I'm doing alright... (notice the positive tone :))<br /><br />My second goal is to get back into art. <br /><br />This is where I'm having a problem. <br /><br />I promised myself that I would start a painting by the end of January... That didn't happen.... I stared and stared at a blank canvas... But I wasn't staring at a blank canvas sitting in front of me... the blank canvas is tucked away between the chest of drawers and the wall of my bedroom. But I know it's there... and it's the one I'm going to paint on.... eventually. I hope.<br /><br />AH! Artist's block! <br /><br />I haven't painted anything since the baby was born... 15 months ago! <br /><br />People say having a baby should be creatively inspiring... but I feel like I used up all of my creative juices growing him, and then taking care of him... and now chasing him... After he goes to bed, and I'm done cleaning up the toddler mess, I would much rather veg out on the couch with a glass of wine and watch the Jersey Shore than get out paints and start trying to be creative...<br /><br />So, I bought a camera. A big bad SLR camera... well, not the baddest, but the entry model of the baddest: a Nikon 3100. I had these delusions of skipping around with my awesome new camera, taking amazing, artistic shots of the world around me... taking amazing, artistic and creative shots of my toddler... but (reality check) that's not happening either. <br /><br />I'm learning how to use my camera. And I'm also learning that it's impossible to set up a shot, and adjust the settings on my camera all while chasing a really fast toddler. <br /><br />I guess the artsy stuff will come later... until then, I will enjoy the Jersey Shore, and Photoshop will be my best friend.<br /><br /><br />This is my most "artsy" shot to date (and I don't think this really "counts"):<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq7kpHV7do_GknqKuyVVSyiQnmKQATuvy0r9yK9kDKYoLD12iZA24_7PnwZO4TaBGfLIM3inI1mZt0aTynvINJlwkqVbil04GlQIHJR6HpGiQXfVAzyQxh2BVFWPvriIeQKoAADsKVuxQ/s1600/Snowman.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq7kpHV7do_GknqKuyVVSyiQnmKQATuvy0r9yK9kDKYoLD12iZA24_7PnwZO4TaBGfLIM3inI1mZt0aTynvINJlwkqVbil04GlQIHJR6HpGiQXfVAzyQxh2BVFWPvriIeQKoAADsKVuxQ/s200/Snowman.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5573067894624896722" /></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-47149308522305030502010-08-22T22:17:00.000-07:002011-06-30T21:56:51.250-07:00sharing.I'm not sure when that knot in my stomach, that pain in my chest will go away. It's been almost three years and when I think of C or look at pictures or hear his voice that pain, that kind of pain that hurts so deep, the kind that takes away my breath, comes back.<br /><br />Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's the nearing of the anniversary. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's lack of sleep. Maybe I'm not as good at the grief thing as I thought. Maybe it'll go away. Maybe it'll never ever go away. Maybe...<br /><br />I try to stay focused on the present and future... and look back on the past with love. But some times the pain sneaks in. I don't always feel like this. But I have been for the last week or so. I'm sad. I miss Carter and it physically hurts to miss him. <br /><br />I'm blessed in so many other ways. I know that. I'm blessed to have a partner who understands, who has been there for me, who I trust and love. I'm blessed that son makes me smile and laugh everyday and makes my heart smile.<br /><br />I don't know why I felt like sharing this tonight. But I did... and now I feel a little bit better.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hyphenhyphenBQs5O0zfUe4YausmQsVS52lb57ptW-gCc17njZMDPOXkau6dlwaKpgjLv_Zd80YKwC1HRRgY1KoLmtZrW8b6esurQDmPPU2AugRdfShBNGAxxgg9F79Szs3u-DekzYSRj3GbWKuJ4/s1600/carter.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hyphenhyphenBQs5O0zfUe4YausmQsVS52lb57ptW-gCc17njZMDPOXkau6dlwaKpgjLv_Zd80YKwC1HRRgY1KoLmtZrW8b6esurQDmPPU2AugRdfShBNGAxxgg9F79Szs3u-DekzYSRj3GbWKuJ4/s320/carter.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624243328870029570" /></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-18387885775578759912010-01-25T11:44:00.000-08:002010-01-25T11:48:58.844-08:00A year flies by...<object width="400" height="225"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=8540978&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=8540978&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="225"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/8540978">One year in 120 seconds</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/eirikso">Eirik Solheim</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p><br /><br />It's amazing how fast a year goes by.<br /><br />Life was completely different a year ago... I was trying to figure out what to do with my life, where to move, what to do next... and now I'm in Austin, with a bundle of joy, and I'm focused on the future, for him... for us. <br /><br />I still have a lot to figure out... but I think that is an issue that will never totally go away.... I hope it never does.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-33332899333029173192009-10-24T22:19:00.000-07:002009-10-24T22:23:42.421-07:00I will blog again... but taking a break for now.So, it looks like I've abandoned this blog. I haven't. <br /><br />But, I haven't been feeling all that great... I haven't wanted to paint, because that would mean me sitting on the floor.... and I'm 9 months pregnant and that is the last thing I want to do... and I don't want to blog and sound like Debbie Downer... I'd rather wait until I'm on a creative binge again. Soooo, I'm taking a break. <br /><br />I'm not sure for how long. But, I will be back and blogging soon.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-16025151716282376342009-08-19T22:35:00.001-07:002009-08-19T23:07:05.359-07:00Show Tomorrow!<a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00553.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00553.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br /><br />I'm in Dallas. The opening reception for the show is tomorrow!<br /><br />Here are the details:<br /><br />Date: Thursday, August 20, 2009<br />Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm<br />Location: Magnolia Theatre, upstairs<br />Address: 3699 McKinney Ave, Dallas, TX<br />check www.magnoliagallerydallas.com for updates and pictures.<br /><br />The show runs from August 20th - September 23rd.<br /><br />I've been moving and haven't had an internet connection.... and haven't made time to blog... but I've gotten a lot of work done since the last time I blogged. <br /><br />I've changed several of the pieces significantly and I now have 8 pieces on wood, plus the 4 silhouettes on canvas. <br /><br />I'm actually happy with the work, and it looks great up on the walls! Thanks to Scott and Nicole Horn at Magnolia!!!<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=6452_118784299790_508894790_2169759.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/6452_118784299790_508894790_2169759.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-69034038076402474432009-08-02T19:25:00.000-07:002009-08-02T19:44:14.497-07:00bad egglast night I burned water... and eggs.<br /><br />I was going to hard boil a few eggs. I put the eggs and water on the stove to boil and then I started to paint...<br /><br />Drawing patterns and going over patterns is very meditative for me... I started drawing and getting really into it.... so into it that after I was done with the patterns on one painting, I picked up another and did the same thing... <br /><br />I'm not really sure how many hours had gone by when I heard an explosion in the kitchen... The explosion was the eggs popping open... the yokes popped completely out! There was no water left in the pot... just really stinky burned eggs. Yuck!<br /><br />The good part of the story is that I am REALLY happy with the way one of the pieces turned out... I tried a new technique and like it so much, I think I may continue to use it. <br /><br />Here are the two pieces I worked on last night: (they are both 2'x2' on wood) .... <span style="font-style:italic;">and once again they are for my upcoming show at the Magnolia Gallery (inside the Magnolia Theater) in Dallas, August 20th- Sept. 23rd.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00534.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00534.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />and I've posted this one before- but I finished the background last night.<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00536.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00536.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-83024271398324606372009-07-30T20:10:00.000-07:002009-07-30T20:27:05.680-07:00Hummingbirds<a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=hummingbird.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/hummingbird.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />This is a hummingbird that I started today. <br /><br />Check out this beautiful song that my dear friend Manya, and her band, Blue Petal wrote for me after Carter's death.<br /><br />It's called "Hummingbird" <br /><br />You can hear it on <a href="http://myspace.com/ryannrathbone">my Myspace page</a>.... just a warning: I have not updated my myspace page in ages. <br /><br />and here is a direct link to <a href="http://www.myspace.com/manyasmusika">Manya's myspace page</a><br /><br />And when you fall in love with her music and voice, the CD <a href="http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bluepetal2">Blue Petal, Golden Storybook</a> is available on CD Baby and iTunes. <br /><br />This is a blog that wrote on my myspace page almost two years ago:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">October 19th, 2007<span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">why hummingbirds... i don't know. The last night I saw carter i was finishing the 5th of my bird drawings... it was a hummingbird. the other day i found a shirt I bought about a year ago... on it it has a beautiful hummingbird, and underneath that it says 10:30 Sept 2nd. 10:30 pm, is about the time i was finishing my hummingbird drawing, before i met carter out on Sept 2nd... the last time i saw him, since he was killed on the morning of the 3rd. The shirt also says Thurs and A7 - which i don't understand the significance of. <br><br>Since then, Manya (Blue Petal), wrote me a beautiful song about hummingbirds, and just today i was given a tail feather of a hummingbird. what is the significance of hummingbirds? <br><br>then I found this: <a href="http://www.hummingbirdworld.com/h/totem.htm">Significance of Hummingbirds</a><br><br>"In many traditional cultures of the western world the hummingbird has powerful religious and spiritual significance. In the high Andes of South America, for example, the hummingbird is taken to be a symbol of resurrection. This is because each hummer becomes lifeless and seems to die on cold nights, but it comes back to life again when the miraculous sunrise brings warmth.<br><br>Hummingbirds teach us fierce independence. They teach us to fight in a way where no one really gets hurt. They teach us simple courage. Andrews says the twittering, vibrating sounds of the hummingbirds bring us an internal masage that restores health and balance.<br><br>Hummingbirds also inspire us to protect the environment and to preserve old traditions that are in danger of being lost. When Native American ways were being destroyed by the expanding Euro-American culture, the Ghost-Shirt religion was established to try to bring back the animals and old ways through dancing. The leader of the dance was a hummingbird....<br><br>Certainly hummingbird magic is available to all who live in the New World. There is something inside the soul of all of us that wants to soar through sunbeams, then dance midair in a delicate mist, then take a simple bath on a leaf.<br><br>There is something in our souls that wants to hover at beautiful moments in our lives, making them freeze in time. There is something in us that wants to fly backwards and savor once more the beautiful past.<br><br>Some of us are just hummingbird people."<br><br>Maybe I'm a hummingbird person.<br><br>If you've read my "bubbles" blog, you know how I feel about bubbles. <br><br>Here is a picture I found of a hummingbird with bubbles:<br><br><a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/hummingbirdburstingdrop_26026-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a><br><br>maybe i constantly search for signs.... possibly too much... but it gives me some sense of comfort. I would never have thought, but maybe i'm a "hummingbird person"</span>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-78357263590008455352009-07-30T01:56:00.000-07:002009-07-30T02:03:56.001-07:00blah-blah-bloggyI need to blah-blah-blog.... <br /><br />But I'm too tired. <br /><br />I'm covered in blue paint and my back is sore... BUT I feel like I'm getting rid of the artist block... I already sketched out a b-i-g hummingbird on one of my backgrounds.... It's ready to paint tomorrow! <br /><br />I'm going to make myself do one more... just one more, silhouette... then I will be free as a bird! (okay... it's too late at night for me to be typing and posting stuff online....)<br /><br />This is what I worked on tonight:<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=5932_109198374790_508894790_2041-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/5932_109198374790_508894790_2041-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Goodnight! <br /><br />I'll write more later.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-86103929449726248932009-07-29T00:55:00.000-07:002009-07-29T01:09:28.465-07:00silhouette x4 = creative flow?This is my 25 week (now 26 wk) belly that keeps getting in the way of serious arts and crafty-ness:<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=5932_106830324790_508894790_2007-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/5932_106830324790_508894790_2007-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />My second day of 4 hours of painting... and guess what?!?! I got blocked! <br /><br />YUP! Creative constipation... and I was doing so good too... which is when the blockage usually strikes... <br /><br />When I'm not on a time crunch, I have several methods of de-clogging myself: <br /><br />1. Sit and stare at my piece for days or weeks at a time.<br /><br />2. Ask any and everyone I come across what their suggestion would be... <br /><br />3. Draw patterns.... trace patterns, draw patterns... I'll spend weeks working on tedious intricate patterns that I'll never really use.<br /><br />4. Paint over what I have and start completely over.<br /><br /><br />Because I'm on a time crunch... I don't have time for any of the above. <br /><br />So, I did this instead:<br /><br />I bought 4 canvases. <br />I found an image I like.<br />I decided to paint the silhouette of the image on each canvas in different colors.<br /><br />I finished one tonight:<br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00517.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00517.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />I almost gave up on it half way through. But I pushed through... I think 4 of them, in different colors, will look nice hanging together. Plus, I can price them a bit lower... and they're simple. Maybe people will like them... Maybe painting 4 of these will be just the creative deblocker I need to get my flow back. (wow... I'm quite the wordsmith tonight!)<br /><br />I'm crossing my fingers!Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-5166609623896035232009-07-27T23:41:00.000-07:002009-07-28T00:02:41.833-07:00Getting to workOkay.... Down to the wire... HAVE GOT to get to work!!! Paint paint paint!!!!<br /><br />My show is August 20th- Sept 23rd at the Magnolia Gallery (inside the Magnolia theater) in Dallas. <br /><br />I need to stop thinking and judging so much and just start PAINTING!!!<br /><br />I've decided to paint at LEAST 4 hours a day for the next 6 days. <br /><br />The only thing is that now 4 hours is more like 8 hours... because I have to take frequent breaks, and stretch and walk around...<br /><br />My belly is getting bigger! Sometimes I wish it was detachable.... and I could take it off to sleep and paint.... and then put it back on afterwards. <br /><br />Tonight I worked mainly on backgrounds....<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00510.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00510.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00512.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00512.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00508.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00508.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00514.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00514.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />The last two I need to paint something on.... I'm trying to be more free... and less rigid and I want to stop judging what comes out of me naturally... I need to stop. <br /><br />I may paint a bit more tonight... just a little more. And then 4 hours tomorrow too!Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-41349199204429708092009-07-27T23:29:00.001-07:002009-07-27T23:41:15.450-07:00PresenceLast week, I took the week off to be with my friend after her brother was suddenly killed in a motorcycle accident. <br /><br />It's so so sad when someone so young is taken. It doesn't seem fair. <br /><br />Just when life seems to go back to "normal" (whatever normal is... I don't know), or starts to seem safe and predictable, something tragic, like this, happens.... a reminder to never take any moment for granted. <br /><br />It brought back a lot of feelings and memories of Carter's death. But I had to remember not to allow myself to there... <br /><br />In my blog <a href="http://ryannontheroad.blogspot.com/2009/01/change.html">Change</a>, I talk about how I still don't know what to say... how I felt when Carter died... how I know how important it is to allow change and be present. <br /><br />This is still very much on my mind. She and her family are in my thoughts and prayers... and I'm sending a whole lot of love to the Brodskys and will continue to.<br /><br /><br />This quote has stuck out in my head this week:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." <span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span>— Max EhrmannRyann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-80690193199890681422009-07-14T21:47:00.000-07:002009-07-14T23:54:09.767-07:00screw upMy new favorite album to paint to, that I forgot I bought on iTunes in January, and forgot to listen to: Nouvelle Vague <br />My new favorite not-new-cover song that I'm listening to over and over again tonight: Making Plans for Nigel by Nouvelle Vague <br /><br /><br />Sometimes I get scared. <br /><br />I get scared to put a mark down with paint. I get scared to screw it up. I get so scared that I never even try. <br /><br />I used to start drawing by closing my eyes and scribbling on paper, and then open them and make something out of the scribble. It always turned out well.... I just went with the flow and worked with the scribble instead of fighting against it. I always knew that if something didn't look right, I could keep working with it until it finally took form. <br /><br />I've lost that attitude. I need to get it back.<br /><br />I haven't been happy with these 4 new paintings. They're boring me. They look like something I'd see in a hotel or something. I'm getting bored with them before i finish them... <br /><br />Something has been keeping me from moving forward... I think I'm too scared to screw them up. Also, I'm being timed... I have to have a certain number of paintings done by a certain date. <br /><br />So, tonight, I decided I would screw up my paintings a bit... and then work with them. <br /><br />But that's WAY easier said than done.... <br /><br />But I did add a squiggly background on the hawk.... (I just barely added color to the bird in this one... so it's not even close to looking how it will look.)<br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=hawk.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/hawk.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />This is a close-up<br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=hawkcloseup.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/hawkcloseup.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-51081312217445371562009-07-14T00:05:00.000-07:002009-07-14T00:35:06.992-07:00step backBabies R Us is a scary, scary place. I went there today to register... holy moly. <br /><br />The woman at the front registry desk was real gruff, smelled like a freshly smoked cigarette and used the word "crap" about 4 times, before explaining the process and the store... and then told me and the other pregnant woman "don't get overwhelmed!"<br /><br />But she was too late... I was overwhelmed before I even stood up. <br /><br />It's a really cruel trick of nature that the one time and place where I really need a drink, or shot of tequila, is walking into Babies R Us, pregnant. <br /><br />There is so much baby paraphernalia... and so many accessories and parts of stuff on stuff that it's like going to another planet. ... pure and utter culture shock.... Monkeys or Dinosaurs? Green or Blue? Boppys or Breast Friends.... Jumpers or Bouncers.... YIKES.<br /><br />I did my best... my sister came and offered moral support... when I got stuck in a rut, unable to decide between the red car or the blue car onesie, she was able to pull me out by reminding me that it really doesn't matter THAT much. <br /><br />Afterwards we went to the Cheesecake Factory... a well deserved treat. ... followed by a 4 hour nap. <br /><br />Tonight, I had the treehouse (garage apt) to myself. I try, I really do try to paint with and in front of other people... but I'm not good at it... I think it's a self-confidence thing... or something. I don't mind posting pictures of my work in-progress and on the web... but trying to paint with someone else in the room is hard for me... I can't seem to get into a flow state unless I'm alone. Tonight I was alone, and I flowed until my hips couldn't take it anymore!<br /><br />I did these guys on the yellow background... I was planning to do a hummingbird... but changed my mind... and they're not flying (I changed my mind again).<br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00500.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00500.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Part of the reason why I post pictures of my work in progress, is so I can see them with new eyes. Sometimes, when I'm working on a piece so closely, I lose touch with the piece itself... So, the process of taking a photo, editing the photo to make it look more like the piece, posting the picture, writing about the piece and reading the finished post, helps me to step back and see the piece from a distance... sometimes it helps me immediately identify what is bugging me about the piece...<br /><br />like this one: <br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00499.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00499.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />The bird is looking a little better... but his mouth needs some work still... also, I changed part of the pattern to blue... The blue is too light of a light blue... it needs something a little darker.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-30087534471219803262009-07-11T01:42:00.000-07:002009-07-11T01:58:39.152-07:00making some progress.I did swim.... and I did manage to get enough motivation together to paint. <br /><br />I've been a pretty timid painter this time. Maybe because I'm on a time crunch... but I'm having a difficult time actually putting paint down and lines down. I think I've developed some sort of fear of drawing. I used to draw all of the time, now, I get anxious when I'm about to draw. I need to work on that. I've gotta draw more often.<br /><br />I filled in the bird on green... and then outlined him. <br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00489.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00489.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Then, I colored turquoise behind this hawk sketch. The color looks strange because of the lighting.... but it's really one solid turquoise color. I started to stencil pattern behind him, and then stopped. I'm not sure how much stenciling I'll be doing this time around.<br /><br /><a href="http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/?action=view¤t=DSC00491.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g80/ryannrathbone/blog/DSC00491.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Oh.... and This is one of my favorite things:<br /><br />What's cuter than a panda sneezing?!? really?!?<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FzRH3iTQPrk&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FzRH3iTQPrk&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319455141108616381.post-44115396906827940202009-07-10T11:15:00.000-07:002009-07-10T11:20:41.499-07:00I think I can.I will paint today. I will, I will. <br /><br />I haven't painted in a few days... part of me has a laid back "it will get done" attitude, and the other part of me is freaking out, pulling my hair out and wants to scream at the laid back part of me...<br /><br />I have a big... and I mean B-I-G next two months: Show and Move.<br /><br />I'm already starting to over-think and trying to get too crafty with the paintings I'm doing. I need to get them out first and think second.<br /><br />I'm going to paint... but first, I think I might swim... it IS 110 degrees today.Ryann Rathbonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13118809137389028433noreply@blogger.com2