I wrote this, 4 or 5 years ago... when I was more naive and definitely more intoxicated:
Dearest Jagermeister,
I'm sorry to end our relationship in a blog. I know that we have history together, but I feel that we have finally grown apart, and now must part ways and move on.
I'm not ending this relationship because I've found another more tasty shot, and don't think I would replace you with Tuaca (which I know has been done to you before). I don't even like Tuaca! There is no other shot I would rather take than you, with exception of the occasional Tequila shot.
I remember when we first met, before Jager machines and bombs catapulted your popularity to drinkers in all demographics. I loved your ice cold herbal liqueur shots, and the fun times that followed. I loved your green glass bottle, and even the funny German name.
I have fond memories of the way things used to be and moments we've shared:
Like the time when my dear friend and I drank an entire bottle, out of itty-bitty blown glass shot glasses (the size of thimbles) that my sister made.
In Miami, when we decided to swim in the ocean at 4am after clubbing together... so much fun! It was unfortunate that I was the only person who was stung by a jellyfish minutes later, but nevertheless you helped make the experience a teeny-weenie bit less painful.
You encouraged me to keep trying to beat the high scores in Word Dojo and General Trivia, and I finally did.
Good times ... ah ... good times ...
But lately, things have not been the same between us. I don't have any good recent memories of time spent with you. Actually, I don't remember anything at all! My only memories are made secondhand, the next day, when I check my drunken text messages and look through my dialed calls. It didn't used to be this way.
You don't treat me the way you used to, and I think we both know this is true. We've finally grown apart. Know that I'll always remember the good times... well, at least the ones I can remember.
I wish you the best,
-Ryann
PS. I'm keeping your hat (the one with your logo)
