Thursday, June 30, 2011

I used to be funny... I swear

I wrote this, 4 or 5 years ago... when I was more naive and definitely more intoxicated:


Dearest Jagermeister,

I'm sorry to end our relationship in a blog. I know that we have history together, but I feel that we have finally grown apart, and now must part ways and move on.

I'm not ending this relationship because I've found another more tasty shot, and don't think I would replace you with Tuaca (which I know has been done to you before). I don't even like Tuaca! There is no other shot I would rather take than you, with exception of the occasional Tequila shot.

I remember when we first met, before Jager machines and bombs catapulted your popularity to drinkers in all demographics. I loved your ice cold herbal liqueur shots, and the fun times that followed. I loved your green glass bottle, and even the funny German name.

I have fond memories of the way things used to be and moments we've shared:

Like the time when my dear friend and I drank an entire bottle, out of itty-bitty blown glass shot glasses (the size of thimbles) that my sister made.

In Miami, when we decided to swim in the ocean at 4am after clubbing together... so much fun! It was unfortunate that I was the only person who was stung by a jellyfish minutes later, but nevertheless you helped make the experience a teeny-weenie bit less painful.

You encouraged me to keep trying to beat the high scores in Word Dojo and General Trivia, and I finally did.

Good times ... ah ... good times ...

But lately, things have not been the same between us. I don't have any good recent memories of time spent with you. Actually, I don't remember anything at all! My only memories are made secondhand, the next day, when I check my drunken text messages and look through my dialed calls. It didn't used to be this way.

You don't treat me the way you used to, and I think we both know this is true. We've finally grown apart. Know that I'll always remember the good times... well, at least the ones I can remember.

I wish you the best,

-Ryann

PS. I'm keeping your hat (the one with your logo)

4 comments:

ALESSANDRA PENA said...

Muito lindo o seu post. Todos nós, mesmo estando em países diferentes, um dia passamos por momentos assim... bem parecidos. Deus abençoe você!!

ChrissyRBV1984 said...

LOL! Love it! Yea I had a fling with Jaeger but things didn't work out. He started out sweet but ended up making me sick. I was then introduced to Vodka and while we don't see each other often, when we do it's like we've never been apart.

Charmie said...

Okay this is hilarous....this SO reminds me of my love affair with tequila and it's demise ;-)

Ailin said...

Really very funny) I like it)
"Don't remember anything at all" lol :D