crazy like an artist

another photo I took, in Marathon, Texas and digitally altered.

I'm in Midland... today I spent the day emailing, going to the printer here in Midland... and searching for lost CDs that have scans of my paintings on them... I found one... it has the first 3 paintings I did last year on it.

It seems like they were painted SOOO long ago... My art has changed so much... like I have.

Sometimes I hear myself speak to other people... and offer advice, and then think, I need to take that advice as well...

It's so easy to get caught up in what other people think... trying to make other people proud... but that's the road to let-down after let-down... I can't always make decisions that will make everyone proud... not friends, parents, strangers... everyone seems to have their own opinion on the best decision someone should make... But really, all that matters is that I'm proud of my choices... Whether they're popular or not... easy or hard... as long as I stay true to myself and I'm proud of myself.

It's much easier said than done... but it's doable.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is probably my favorite author, and an amazing woman, who lead an incredible life. A life filled with unpopular choices and actions, but she really lived life, fully. In the last part of her memoir, "The Wheel of Life," written to her children, shortly before her death, she writes:

"...know your own self and view life as a challenge where the hardest choices are the highest ones, the ones that will resonate with righteousness and provide the strength and insight of Him... The greatest gift God has given us is free choice. There are no accidents. Everything in life happens for a positive reason. Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings.

We must all learn to love and be loved unconditionally.

All the hardships that come to you in life, all the tribulations and nightmares, all the things you see as punishments from God, are in reality like gifts, They are an opportunity to grow, which is the sole purpose of life.

Everyone is loved beyond comprehension.

Everyone is blessed and guided.

It is very important that you do only what you love to do. You may be poor, you may go hungry, you may live in a shabby place, but you will totally live. And at the end of your days, you will bless your life because you have done what you came to do.

Everything is bearable when there is love.

My wish is that you try to give more people more love.

The only thing that lives forever is love."

The sentence that resonates with me the most now is: "do only what you love to do."

Some days it's so much easier than others...

I've started to realize something lately: now that I'm an "artist," I can be weird, and strange and make unpopular choices.... it's like I'm allowed to be strange... "oh, well she's an artist... so, you know..."

Which is good, because I've always appeared to be normal, but when people got to know me they'd find out I was strange... Now I have an excuse... and I can do what I love, even if everyone thinks I'm crazy.... at least I'll have done what i came to do.