When my family moved to Midland, I was 16... I had to leave my friends and boyfriend to move to Midland, and unsure if I'd actually be able to have my junior and senior high school years together, in one city, I skipped my junior year. I started school in Midland as a senior, with one goal: GET OUT of Midland as SOON as possible... and I did. I never thought my family would settle down anywhere, especially not Midland... So, I've always had a 16 year-old's negative gotta-get-outta-here-ASAP attitude about Midland and everything Midland. I'm just sorry it's taken me until this week to realize it.
I've always wanted to PROVE myself as a self sufficient adult... and I have been (sometimes better than others... my past good and bad decisions prove that)...
My world fell apart when Carter was killed... I lost my best friend, my lover, our plans, my plans, our future, my view about life and everything, my home, my sense of safety, security, self confidence... I guess, I lost me and my place.
I had to surrender... and did, and I've gained and learned and I'm re-establishing... but i had one last hold out... like Custer, I had my last stand... that that was "no way, no how, not ever will I move to Midland and live with my parents"... that was Pride... now that I've let go of that, humbled myself, and accepted that it's for the best... well, Now I'm excited, and I'm able to enjoy it... I plan to experience this, not like an angry 16 yr old, but as me now. I'm pretty happy with that.
(photo by Justin Voight)Now for the artsy stuff:
I've been so excited, that I've started to get to work on ideas (a HUGE book full of stream of consciousness ideas and writings), I did a little shopping...
Mervyn's in Midland is closing... I went there to find an electric griddle (which I didn't... but if anyone has one that they want to get rid of, please let me know).. But everything there is for sale... displays, and even trash cans! So, I bought some mannequin parts! AWWW YEAH! Installation sculptural art! and I've got ideas kickin' already.
I also bought a projector.... and got to work on different transfer techniques... all trial and error...
I think by the time we get the photos, art and sculpture together, we'll be able to put out our book!
My idea is to have a show at a gallery to release the book and art.... Maybe even in a few cities... like Oklahoma City, Dallas, Midland, Austin, Marfa... or more or less... But I think it would be a great idea...
We'll have to look for galleries... or space to exhibit... or if anyone knows of one, lemme know... even though it won't be ready til at LEAST next spring, it doesn't hurt to start thinking about it now...
yay!
2 comments:
I hope you're having a good afternoon Ryann. :)
I know that we obviously don't know each other, I stumbled upon your blog in an odd sort of way. A friend of mine e-mailed a band to me that she discovered on MySpace and you were listed in their top friends so I clicked on your profile and somehow, someway ended up running into your blog here. Phew! Anyway, I went all the way back to your original entry and couldn't allow myself to stop until I read everything. The pain that you write of in some of your entries just tears at my heart, especially as I am dealing with a loss of my own now. But what really spoke to my own heart and mind was when you started to write about moving back in with your parents and how difficult it was and can still be to deal with. I myself am 25 and just moved back in with my own parents in August of this year. Due to financial troubles that came to a head this year it was either move into a shelter or accept my parents' offer to move me from Boise, Idaho back down south to Florida to live with them and pick up the pieces again. So you know what I chose. Out of my own pride and desire to prove myself as an adult independent of my parents I hid the things that were going wrong (too much student debt and not enough money to pay for it) until it was simply too late. Now here I am back in college watching my peers start their careers and buy their own homes while I live here in the middle of nowhere in the panhandle of FL.
I tell you this because I want you to always know that there are others out there who truly know what you are going through in some sense and that it always gets better. Everyone must follow their own path and nothing is set in stone. I've since gotten over my pride, as you write you have as well, and I know this won't last forever. This is only a stepping stone.
I requested you as a friend on MySpace, I hope that you don't mind. My profile is: http://www.myspace.com/monbelleange On another side note I was pleased to see we both find inspiration in Rudyard Kipling's poem "If". It truly is a beautiful piece and something to live by. I have it posted on my MySpace so that I can look at it everyday and in the hopes that others will read it and find inspiration too.
I'm sorry if this has been too long, sometimes I get going and I just can't stop. ;)
Have a great day Ryann. You're not alone.
- Jess
jessica.langlois@hotmail.com
viva los mannequin parts! Sara and Cris helped me leave my mannequin legs in the dumpster legs up. I wanted someone else to have the opportunity to take them...a as luck would have it, a few hours later they were gone. I'm happy to see you found some really nice parts...have any ideas yet?
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