Zippy

That is a collage I made for Steve, for his birthday... See, even though I've been slacking on blogging, I haven't been slacking creatively... at least, not too bad...

So, I'm in Austin. I gave up trying to find work for SXSW. There are TONS of volunteers... so many people will volunteer to work to get in to see the shows.... and then there's me, who really doesn't care all that much to go see the shows... I just wanna get paid.
SXSW has started here... and there is music everywhere. I also underestimated how big this festival has gotten.

I'm going to visit Cas tomorrow... I'll be gone till Tuesday. It'll be nice to get out of this craziness for a few days...

The last two or three days I've been walking around with my zipper down... Not on purpose... but every time I look down, my zipper's down... I'm not sure how this is happening... Either, I'm forgetting to zip... or the zippers are failing... but it's two separate pairs of jeans... and i've been a good zipper for a long time, why would I all of a sudden forget to zip?!?

Blogger's Guilt

So.... I've got a case of "Blogger's Guilt".... in a bad way.... and it's just a vicious cycle: I feel bad for not blogging, so I avoid blogging, so then I feel worse about not blogging... so then I avoid it even more.....

So, I need to start posting stuff.... daily, again....

Last week, I came back to Austin... My move into the apartment was put on hold.... so I came here to get a job, and start working.

Then, last weekend, I got sick... AGAIN. Not the same stomach flu.... but the achy, tired, feverish stuff... Finally, today I'm feeling better.

I have started working on some small, cut and paste collages that are 4"x4" :





.... and I bought a little sewing kit too.... so I can stitch a bit...

This week, I'm feeling better, so I'm definitely looking for work... A lot of the SXSW jobs I've come across don't pay money... but pay in wristbands.... I'd rather be paid in money...

okay.... now I feel a lot less guilty.... :)

Another "Notes to Self"

I'm back in Midland, but I've spent the last few weeks in Austin, "feeling it out"... but not ready to make a commitment to moving... I guess I was waiting for my pumpkin to be turned into a carriage or something.... but then, it was brought to my attention..... and I realized: I have to decide.... make a decision even if it's scary and there is no fairy godmother involved.....

So, I found a place, in Austin.... In the neighborhood I like.... its a SMALL studio apartment.... (400 sq ft).... but you know what? I don't need "stuff".... there's NO safety in objects... Or ideas, plans or people... so I think this will be a good thing for me..

i'm back in Midland now.... with my pups.. and family....

My B-day is on Lundi Gras this year.... so, my parents used their airline credits and (AWWWWW YEAH) I'm headed down to NOLA for Carnival time! It'll be good.... I haven't seen my friends there in years.... and Mardi Gras is my favorite holiday.... i just don't know what I should be (costume-wise)..... We'll see.... I'm excited to go there!

Soooo... Since it's late and I'm tired...

I thought I'd do another "notes to self" segment..... (the random notes I write myself on my phone.... but I usually forget I wrote):

50
Arachnidiot: A person who accidentally wanders into an "invisible" spider web and begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

(yes I've done that.... and seen others do it too.... I copied this down from the Galaxy Cafe)

Hawaii
(seen in Kauai)

Mele Kalikimaka

"Drifted objects tumbled pieces of life, only the strongest reach the shore to be found and transformed, abstract representations of life lived." (quote from an artist at Little Tsunami Tattoo)

I Need

Someone to tell me to "go to bed" at a decent hour.... Being a night person has its darkside, especially when you're trying to live on the light side. Some hate the moon.... I tend to lean towards the side that hates the sun...f mornings!!!

Is it possible?
If i sleep in my scarf, could I accidentally strangle myself in my sleep?

Love:
I'm in love:
With what love gives
and what it takes.
Giving myself love,
Giving to love...
In the end:
It all goes back to love....
We all return to love.....

Nothing:
I don't have anything earth-shattering to say;
Nothing amazing to say...
I just have my thoughts,
my voice,
my one voice in the sea of billions,
my one voice in the history of trillions
of life stories.....
past, present, future...

One More
One more cigarette.
One more time.
One more minute.
One more chance to say what I wanted to.....
What I meant to.
Just one more.
.... and then another one.

What?!
Huh?
What?
Huh?
What?
Sorry, I don't hear well....
....{these are} conversations i have.....

Peaceful Place

Austin seems to be screaming at me to move here...

There is so much opportunity for me here to grow as an artist and a writer... and even today I was forwarded a job opportunity that is right up my alley...

My biggest problem/issue, has been my indecision... So to change that, I've decided to be more decisive... (see! a decision already made!). I tend to wait for things to happen, and then I respond... but i need to start making decisions and going for it and then responding... So... now I'm not just feelings things out, but actively pursuing and planning to move.

on another note: in my blog Change, I posted a picture of a church in Midland (Our Lady Guadalupe)... I was asked about it in the comments.... Then I dug up something I wrote about it almost a year ago when I first discovered this church, and I was in a much different place emotionally.

Today I had a great visit with my sister. She even took me to the Catholic church I was hoping to find over Christmas. I mean, the EXACT kind of beauty and symbolism that I pictured, but didn't know was there.

It's a beautiful out door church atrium with chapels, shrines and sculptures... and we were alone. If I were to have walked into another church, I'd be confronted by really smiley, overly friendly, excited people, with huge smiles, saying "oh, are you a visitor?" "Where are you from?" .... but in the atrium of the Catholic church (on the other side of the tracks... literally), I found none of that.... just peace, and the feeling of thousands of heart-felt prayers lingering in the air.

In the shrine, there were candles lit and there was also a bulletin board with pictures and letters covering both sides of the shrine. Most of the letters were in Spanish (which I can't read), but it didn't matter... I could feel the energy and sense of urgency, to find the light in the pits of grief, fear and sorrow.

Looking at that wall, and kneeling at the shrine gave me a flash of clarity: I'm not alone. Suffering afflicts everyone, who am I to think I'd be above it? I felt a sense of unity in participating in this dance of the cycles of life and death.

And then another feeling hit me... one that I felt bad for having happened at such a pure time: I had to pee... BADLY. It must have been some sort of cosmic joke. A sense of oneness interrupted by the sense of a overly full bladder.

Home now.... tired, but I feel good. now i know where to go when I need to get away and pray in a sacred place.

25 things

call me lazy.... or whatever.... but i feel like i should blog... because i haven't lately.... and i posted this on face book... so I thought I'd post it here too..


25 Random Things


1. I'm addicted to Soy Chai Lattes (not a cheap addiction)

2. When the Starbucks employees started to greet me with, "Hi Ryann, Soy Chai?" I decided to start going to another Starbucks... I was not comfortable knowing they had caught on to my addiction.

3. I like to make stuff... like art stuff... I also break stuff.. but dont really like breaking stuff...

4. I carry around a big purse... and it's usually filled with rocks, and other random things I find on the ground... sometimes my purse full of rocks is super heavy...

5. My middle name is Suzanne, but not pronounced like you'd think... it's pronounced the Louisiana way.. the French way... and it bugs me when people argue that with me...

6. I have the largest key ring ever, and I can still not find my keys... ever!

7. I like painting birds and insects.... and I like the symbolism and mythology behind them, and how beautiful they are... but I don't want to touch a bird or an insect.... ewwww... so, i'm not really the "bird" person people think I am....

8. i know the lyrics to Warren G "Regulators" .... and have NO problem showing off and rapping it when ever... sometimes even out of the blue.

9. I don't know where I'm "from".... I moved my whole life... and obviously continue to..

10. my parents are from Louisiana (NOLA and BR), but I was born in Stavanger, Norway.

11. born in norway, then moved to Jakarta, and then moved to Medan (both Indonesia), then to Connecticut, then to Bakersfield, CA, then back to Stavanger, norway... then to Houston, Then to Midland (my senior year of highschool), then to Austin, then to Louisiana, Then back to houston, then to Dallas, now i'm floating... between Midland and Austin... about to move back to Austin.

12. I blog: http://ryannontheroad.blogspot.com

13. I need to update my web site but I have one: www.ryannrathbone.com

14. Sometimes I talk, and it makes a lot of sense in my own head... but doesn't make sense coming out of my mouth.

15. I hate talking on the phone

16. i love my family and friends... I have the greatest family and friends... who've helped me soooo much, especially since Carter's death.

17. I love driving on long road trips... even by myself... actually, especially by myself.

18. My favorite words to say are: giggle, and zombies!

19. I've taken my LSAT and my GRE... but have yet to really go to law school or grad school

20. I'm TERRIBLE at math! on my GRE only %5 of people scored below me on the math part (compared to %90 on the verbal and writing parts)... but in college I ROCKED statistics... I have no idea how... but statistics clicked... but simple math, and algebra and the rest just scramble my brain.

21. I have a doggie named Dylan, who is 9 and who I always thought was a weimaraner until I met a "blue lacy" which is the state dog of texas... now I'm not so sure he's a full weimaraner.... I feel like he's lied to me the last 9 years.... maybe i should return him for a REAL weimaraner.... (okay... TOTALLY kidding about the returning him part.)

22. I leave a trail of stuff behind me and don't even realize it...

23. My favorite number ever is 23

24. the last year and a half, I've only worn 3 pair of shoes... uggs, crocks and birkenstocks... all three brands that i always SWORE i'd never wear.

25. I'm obsessed with fake mustaches!

Chillin' at the holiday inn.....

I've had a lot of dreams where a mattress played a big roll.... one time I flew out of a window on a mattress... another time I took a pic with my cell of a burning mattress to send to Kel.... So i looked up what dreaming of mattresses means....

"Mattress

To dream of a mattress, denotes that new duties and responsibilities will shortly be assumed."

Okay... so that maybe pretty accurate...

Cassie and I had a blast this weekend. It was so good to see her... We had a great time and laughed a lot! We always do... and she loves Austin so much, she's most probably likely to move here too! yay!

We also decided to tell everyone that we were gonna watch the "big basketball game" (the super bowl).... my dad thought I really didn't know that the Super Bowl wasn't basketball... I think he wanted to commit me... ha! but now he knows that it was a joke...

.... but we didn't watch it at all! We relaxed at the lakehouse, cass made dinner and her parents drove over to meet us and have dinner with us... I'll post more pics and stories later...

We spent two nights at the Intercontinental in Austin... and one night at the lakehouse.... then her flight was cancelled yesterday, because a woman on the plane had a panic attack and used 3 of the 5 oxygen tanks on the plane.... so she was put up at the Holiday Inn... "whatcha doin?" "Chillin' at the holiday innnnn...." Funny because we'd been singing that song all weekend!

So, now i'm in Austin, trying to get some networking done and getting the ball rolling on my move here...

So much to think about... so many options... I've gotta get them narrowed down....

okay... off to returning calls and emails... and every other form of communication via technology....

"Stop rhyming I mean it!" "anybody want a peanut?"

So, I've been in Midland this week... I haven't really felt like blogging.

But, I've gotten a lot done... not art-wise, but more catching-up-on-correspondence-and-stuff-wise.

I leave for Austin tomorrow morning, and will pick up Cas in the afternoon... I'm so excited!

I'll try my best to blog from Austin.

Then, after she leaves Monday, I'm going to start networking, looking for job opportunities, housing possibilities... all of the above.... I just want to make sure I don't just move and lose focus on my main goals.

I wanna make art, and I wanna write... and do that as my living... those are my goals...

So, with that said... I'm going to bed... but before that (and on a COMPLETELY different subject):

Did you know that nothing rhymes with orange?! nothing in the English language.... weird...

When I Googled that, just to make sure it was true, I came across an amazing web site: Flocabulary "Hip Hop in the Classroom"....

For Realz yo!

but there are other words that have nothing that rhyme with them too (as the link will show you):

silver, purple, month, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate.

Of course I spent hours trying to find rhymes for each of them... in my head... and, No, I don't consider that a waste of time...

Like, Purple.... I think "verbal" kinda rhymes...

My favorite alternative rhyming example that flocabulary gives is:

discombobulate - the disco they love to hate, Crisco ovulate, risky even on a date, Sisqo's rollerblades

"sisqo's rollerblades" ?!? what!??

but I DO love "the disco they love to hate" and (this one is GENIUS) "Crisco ovulate".....

...don't worry if it makes sense... just make it rhyme every time...

G'night.... pics and updates from this austin trip soon!

Change.

Death has been all too frequent, sudden and present lately... My parents have lost several friends, and children of friends... friends have lost friends and parents and loved ones...

It's the cycle of life... But the part that is so scary, and sad... the part we usually choose to pretend doesn't exist, or happen "to us."

I remember people coming up to me after C's death, and saying, "I don't know what to say to you."
And I'd answer, "I wouldn't know what to say to me either..."

I still don't.

People would tell me, "It just takes time."
Time! Time! Time! Time!!!! I wanted to SCREAM!!!

I didn't want time. I wanted everything to go back to the way things were... not time. It was the last thing that I wanted to hear...

But, looking back at myself and journal entries from a year ago.... I realize time has made a difference.

Not that "time heals all wounds" ... that's BS.... but time allows for the new and different life to begin... not forgetting the past, but by honoring it by REALLY living, and learning to live my new reality. Time gives space from events and with that space, I could process, and grow...

Change hurts. Growth hurts.... Change is scary.... I even overheard my little sister last week say, "I hate change!"....

but it always happens... regardless of how badly I'd like to hold on to things as they are.... they're changing too... The only constant is change...


A year ago, I wanted to die. I didn't want to let go of the past... because I was terrified to forget.

Exactly a year ago I wrote:

Call up Dr. Kevorkian
and say I've gotta joke for him,
Death has watched over my cradle
Life's always been %100 fatal

And then I wrote a lot of stuff... hard for me to read... I did not want to go forward... but I didn't want to stay in pain either... I was so lost... wanting answers, seeking, fighting, angry... all of the 5 stages.... but those 5 stages are like primary colors... you can mix them together to get different colors and shades....

So, with all of this death around me, and change happening.... you'd think I'd have something brilliant to say.... That now I'd KNOW what to say.... but I don't.

But I know saying "time" doesn't help.... but being present for someone, constantly, present (whether they ask for it or not).... Presence, while time does its job, creating space, says more than any words could possibly say.

Tonight, I looked in my phone.... once again, I have a crazy list of "Notes to Self:" (i honestly don't know when i write these - but they end up there)... this is one I wrote since the last time I blogged about "notes to self"

Change:

Knowing change is coming is sad.
I like how things are now,
at this perfect moment....

sitting under the stars...
I just saw a shooting star...

But, if I don't let go of this moment, or any moment,
there will never be another "perfect moment"...
and that would more sad...
the saddest of all.

It would be so much easier to live in the mystery of life. if i didn't care about, love. and develop relationships...
but without relationships, it wouldn't be worth living.

One year has made a huge difference... but it has to be felt ... not said.

a photo I took and digitally altered of a church in Midland

Trials and Errors

Crazy day!

I'm in Dallas. Met with the scanner.... then the printer....

I started to freak out and tried to call Carley about tomorrow's show at The Gypsy Wagon, but couldn't get ahold of her... She was very pregnant. That's why we decided to do the show this weekend and not any later...

I couldn't get ahold of her because she had her baby today! He decided he wanted an early arrival. I'm so happy for she and her husband. I talked to them on the phone and they sound excited and great! ... I felt bad asking her about the show... and what to do, and how to price and everything.... just even bringing it up today.... She won't be able to be there tomorrow... I'm really happy for them... everything will go fine tomorrow.... (I'm trying to convince myself)

Just a little while ago, I began finishing another piece..... DISASTER!

I dropped it and it cracked.... quite a bit.... but I'm using lacquer to seal the cracks., and I'm crossing my fingers that that will work.... So I started to work on the background.... and lacquer the paper to the piece of glass I'm going to attach to the back of the other piece... I wouldn't stick! not at all! UGH!

So frustrating!

So now I've got a board and an axe on the board holding it down, so hopefully it will stick... If not, I'm taking that axe to the whole thing!


I no patience waiting for things to dry (like glue, lacquer.... even paint).... I've said this before: when I'm making art, I'm all about instant gratification.

Lacquer takes a L-O-N-G time to dry... that's why I'm inside blogging.... releasing a little frustration and taking up time, so I don't just sit there and stare at it....

I really don't want to lose this piece... I like this piece... I'm really hoping what I'm doing now will fix it.

hello.... goodnight

My mind is going crazy.... I'm tired but cant sleep...

I hope I have everything together for Friday... I didn't paint today... I picked up my prints and bought some frames and worked to put some of the finishing touches on a few pieces... I still have more to do..

It's not that it's a big show... it's gonna be very laid back, just more of a preview and meet and greet... but, I'm trying to get so much done.... because after this weekend I start to look for a place to live and a job of some sort in Austin.

I also have my first solo show at the Magnolia Gallery in Dallas this summer! YAY!

so, I'd like to have some work finished for that show... because after I move (and I'm working and getting settled and adjusted and all of that fun stuff), I don't know where I'll be able to paint.... I'm thinking too far ahead.... Sometimes I've gotta just pull myself back into the present...

okay... back.

We have a new president!!! America just became a much cooler country!

Alright, goodnight!

Moth balls? no....

My mom and I went and saw Bride Wars today... as she said, "It was no Gran Torino" .... unfortunately, I haven't seen Gran Torino yet... so, I can't compare, but can only imagine...

Actually, the main reason we went to go see Bride Wars was our friend Michael Arden is in it! He's great (as always)... and plays Kate Hudson's assistant/Mr. of Honor....

After that, it was time for business... <:o)E

I did a little work on the chandelier piece... it seemed like it lacked definition and outline towards the top of the piece... and I also just worked on the moth... but the change is SO slight, that even if I were to point it out, I'm not sure anyone (except for me) would be able to see it.

I did take the Girl with the hood.... (orange hood... green background...) ... remember how attached to her I was?!

Yeah, Well.... i painted the whole thing read and orange and purple!

I felt so much better once I painted over her!

I really like the moth painting.. and I like what moths personally symbolize to me.... Part of that is: searching for a light in the darkness....

That means a lot to me... searching... seeking... wanting to find the light... the strength... all of that has been part of my "new life" in the last year...

I thought i may do a moth series... (there are SOOO many GORGEOUS moths!) ... i still love moths SO much more than butterflies...

butterflies? ... *yawn*...

I bought a book in Austin at a thrift store on Lamar (not Salvation Army... but similar)... and I took the book and cut out hexagons to stick on the wood board (with matte medium) and then I painted the moth... simple... but it takes a LONG time



This piece has a WAYS to go... I want to make the bottom wings larger.... and look more like owl eyes... (that's what I think they look like...)


Okay.... so tomorrow (today)... Barak Obama is our new President! it's a new day! and I'll be working on the same moth from yesterday... but that's okay.... hey, that rhymes!

PPS... I still have NOT found a way to frame and hang this piece....



there's more...

Ahhhhh.... much better...

YAY!

i've finally gotten into the "flow" and I'm making stuff that I LIKE and finishing it! wow.... it's been a long time... or at least it feels like it's been a long time since I've done that...

Today, I put the encaustics, wax and collage stuff away, and broke out the acrylic paints.... good ol' trusty acrylics....

And i finished the chandelier:


(I think it looks better in real life than this pic... but that's just my opinion)

and, on the piece that I collaged the hexagon dress patterns, I decided I wanted a moth... (I've had a love for moths since this summer in North Carolina... I like them so much better than butterflies...)... not just any moth, but one of the silk worm moths... so using these "mothels" (okay... bad joke...).... I used these moths to model my moth after:


And this is what it looked like in process:


I still have more work to do.... I'm trying to keep it somewhat transparent... using very watered down paints... but I also want it to be bright... it could take a while:


Both pieces are about 24"x24"..... so i'm also glad that I have work that's larger than I usually do...

I also am high on the feeling of accomplishment (meaning: actually finishing a piece that I like).....

And i like both pieces.... and I like them enough to where I don't really care if I'm the only person in the world who likes them... (of course I want other people to like them), but they say what I want them to say... and mean something to me... and I like them... and that feels fantastic!



I watched the first American Idol tonight... I love that show!


Another show I love is the Daily Show... This episode (before "super tuesday" in 2000) is appropriate, for several reasons:

a. this is before Bush became President... and right now he's about to become a former President

b. This is about Midland (where I am now)

c. This is about Cooties... and unless you're vaccinated (circle circle dot dot)... you may be infected ... although boys are at a higher risk for cooties than girls are....

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Cootie Scandal

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Saturday night

some ideas are worth listening to.

the story about changing the one thing on a painting that your most attached to.... yeah, that works... at least I feel like it did...

i felt so much more free, and wasn't thinking or judging everything once i tried that...

the chandelier painting now has a WAYS to go.... but looks like this:


I re-painted the background, and then painted a big chandelier.... I may make it more red... not sure... I used to have a red chandelier in my old house.... Now it's the focus and not an element that's in the way... At least I'm more happy with it...

and the one that I thought I was too attached to the background.... well, I think I was most attached to the tree that was on it.... so I took that tree off and replaced it with this one:


And then I tried something new.... (I got this idea from another artist at Penland), I painted the board blue, black and off-white and then took a sewing pattern and cut it in to hexagon shapes an pasted them on with Matte Medium:




I haven't touched the painting with the girl yet.... but I feel like I'm on a roll... Everything seems much more organic, and flow-like, rather than me trying to force everything to come together.... and that wasn't working. at all.

oh yeah....

Last night, I decided I wanted to take a well-deserved break, and watch Saturday Night Live... I was looking forward to vegging out in front of the TV for an hour... I NEVER watch TV... But, instead of some hit-or-miss funny SNL, there was a 3 hour telethon instead! NOOO! This is what I was staring at in disbelief instead of SNL:


so, not cool... To quote a friend: "That's UN-American, well, kinda."

I heard it wasn't all that funny last night anyways... maybe the telethon incident was more entertaining in the long run...

back to work....

Blocked

I heard a story from someone, but I don't remember from who or when (although I think it was this summer at Penland):

If you're over-attached to one element in your piece, and you're struggling with your piece, then you should get rid of, or change the thing you're overly attached to.... There was a story that went with this. And after the artist removed the element they were most attached to, the piece worked out...

I'm not sure if that's true or not... but there are a few pieces that I'm struggling with... nothing looks right, but I'm overly attached to one element of the painting....

the chandelier:


The girl:


the background:


But I'm not quite ready to get rid of those things... Maybe that means that they are the things that I most need to change...

probably... I think, by holding on to them as they are, I'm not allowing the pieces to change... and become what they're supposed to become...

It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them."
-Anais Nin

I think I'm doing that with some of my art work...

Okay... I think I just needed to get that out of my system.... maybe now I can get some stuff done!

love/hate

I did some more collaging... I really LOVE wax... but I'm really and TRULY starting to HATE wax... so sticky..... too gratifying, too instantly.... too sticky... too messy... too much fun... too easy.... too hard... too time consuming... too cloudy.... uh! love/hate.

The printing place called me... they printed a test strip of a small collage I did in December... It looked good.

They also showed me the scans, they also looked good...

I'm looking forward to seeing what it all looks like... when it's done...

I don't feel like writing much.... so I'll post pics of what I've done, what I'm working on... I'm not %100 happy with my work right now... but, I'm very happy that I'm making work....

So, with that said:

Here are the red trees:



and a close up of each:



So, i added the moon cycle.... but now, I wanna just keep the background of this piece and start over... I doubt it though.... but, I do think this is the MAJOR issue when you become so attached to one part of a piece that you can't let go enough to let it become the best it can:


This is just an idea... i printed out some images (on tissue paper, so everything but the ink will disappear....


A very encaustic background (done the same way the owl from a while ago was done)...


now I'm trying to figure out what to do with it/put on it... here are some of my ideas:




I added a TON of medium to the clover collage background... now I can carve into it and collage on it...


And, last, I transferred this pattern to board.... but I'm still working on taking the paper off of the back... that always takes SOOO long!


My horseback riding lesson was cancelled today... the wind chill here in Midland didn't get above 30 degrees... I was kinda glad it was cancelled.... I wasn't looking forward to freezing my butt off!

okie dokie.... about to fall asleep typing... g'nite!

Learning marketing, the cyber-savvy way

I thought I knew marketing... I thought I knew networking.... I thought I understood the online world of both.... Then, today, I met Damien Franco... His blog is www.yourphototips.com... and he totally schooled me!

I wish I'd had taken notes the whole time... I learned so much from him... from Flickr groups, to tags, to linking to someone's site so that they link back to yours... So much information that my head is still spinning! I was basically in awe, sitting there like, "teach me your ways, wise one." Thank you so much Damien! I'm looking forward to meeting up with him and his wife this weekend!

I'm tired or I'd have checked out some of the web sites he referred me to... and would write a lot more... but, (like I said) I'm tired... so I will later...

I did check out Blurb.com today... I'm gonna try to put a portfolio/book together... but my scans aren't ready yet... hopefully they'll be done tomorrow.

I did go to Hobby Lobby and buy some more stuff to collage with... even though it's really cool stuff, I kinda wanna kick myself for adding more options for me to use... I should just work with the stuff I already have... But the new stuff is SOOO cool! And on SALE!
I bought this bag of fall stuff, with leaves:


and Squirrels! SQUIRRELS!


The leaves may or may not go on that piece... the squirrels definitely won't ... I just wanted to check out all of the fun new crap I bought!

I also moved the moth and doily aside and tried this on the clover background:


And I bought WHITE india ink! I wanted to use it to brighten up that collage piece that has been fighting me.... and it worked... except for I accidentally put too much on the angel's face and erased it's features. I'll have to go back in and fix that:


A lot of just trial and error... and moving things around...

Oh! and I've had these gold frames for a while... (two of them) and in the same bag with the squirrels and leaves there were two trees.. Just an idea:


Okay... I'm really tired... going riding again tomorrow... and then I'm going to checkout all the websites and info I learned... Maybe I'll even start to use Flickr the right way!

My not-so-"elegant" creative process

I stayed up too late last night... My time schedule is OFF...

I wish I was a morning person... I've always wanted to be a morning person... but I'm not. I've never been one. Actually, I've been known to be such an awful morning (or just waking up) person, that my siblings won't even try to wake me up...

I'm a night person... I'm more creative at night... I work better in the late afternoon and on... I don't know why... It's just how I am.

I went horseback riding this afternoon... luckily, I wasn't the only one who was out-of-shape... The horse I rode, Molly, had been taking it easy over the holidays too... We were quite a pair.... lazy horse meets out-of-shape rider (me).... I'm going again on Thursday... maybe we'll both be better by then.

I took 7 of my new paintings to Reynolds Brothers (a reprographics place in Midland), they were very nice.... I'm having one of each piece printed on canvas... I'm not sure how the encaustics are going to look printed... but I can always paint on the canvas too.

Then I did a little shopping: vellum, india ink (which works on wax- much better than black acrylic paint), iron-on paper for t-shirts (I can put the sheets in my printer)..... I'm not sure if the iron-ons will work when I try to iron them on wax... but it can't hurt to try... I also bought some fantastic new colors of Sharpies that I've never seen before!

I'm a little sad that I'm so excited that Sharpie has new colors, like Pomegranate and Earl Grey... but I'm very excited!

Then I went home and went to work.... I mainly worked on that one collage that I couldn't stand yesterday..... after many different tries with different ideas, this is what it looks like now:


There is too much of the wax medium on it... so it looks cloudy in places... and I'm going to add white in areas to brighten it up.... but i'm starting to like it a lot better.

I pretty much only worked on that piece...

But I moved the moth (that I love SO much) around some more. I also seem to really like that doily too... I don't know why though, I think it's ugly. Maybe the moth likes it!.... the chandelier, doily and the moth are just placed on this background... It's how I try an idea before I commit to putting them on the background... I like to move stuff around to see what it could look like:



and then I played with this piece a bit too... I LOVE the background and the tree (I maybe a little too attached to them), but I placed a sparrow drawing I did last year, and a butterfly on it...



and then I thought, it might be cool to do something with the moon cycle.... I'd cut out the moons, of course.....



That's how I work... I place things, and then stare at them forever, then change my mind... and then place something else and stare at it, and then change my mind.... i wish I had a more "elegant" technique... but, alas.... i don't....

I'm working on moving to Austin... more opportunities for me there... and it's close to Dallas, still close to family, and I have friends there... After I get all this stuff done for The Gypsy Wagon show on the 23rd, I'll work on it more... but I did send out my resume today... I want to write... or get back in contract work and field marketing for a bit, so I can still work on my art and writing.

new (to me) funny things...

I started to feel a bit less crazy later today... I worked on a few things... unfortunately nothing that I'm proud of yet... and nothing that I'd like to post online either...

I think I probably already have enough work together for the show at The Gypsy Wagon on Jan 23rd.... So, this week, I'll work on getting those things finished scanned and printed... Not as much about MAKING work... more about finishing the work that's so close to already being finished...

that takes a lot of pressure off of me almost instantly...

So with that said... here are a few of my new favorite things:



and then:

Freak out

So... Jumping in sounded so easy... way easier than it was...

Actually, yesterday I spent all day just staring... blocked... creatively constipated... not knowing where or what to start on... just literally staring.... I wrote a lot... but art-wise: nada.

Carley at The Gypsy Wagon, in Dallas, is throwing a laid back show with my work on the 23rd of this month... I called her yesterday having a real "artist" crisis... Not knowing if I should do it... what if all my work sucks.... or if there's not enough work there... or not enough time... HELP ME!

She talked me down from my own pity party... and we're still going to do it... I'd like to get note cards made... I need to get more prints made as well... the only thing is, I had to pick up some of the last prints from her because the colors were off... and the printer is in Dallas... and I don't know how to tell them what the colors should and shouldn't look like... So I need to find a place to scan in my work, here in Midland... this week... and then I need to figure out the printing situation.... AAAAAAAAAH!!!!

I also thought it would be cool (and I could do this myself -- i think) to take some of my photographs that I've digitally altered and show them as well... I also have to figure out framing of my pieces... I'm freaking out... this is a lot to do... no wonder I'm blocked...

I jumped in... "no floaties" ... but then felt like I was drowning... and I think I was... if you can't swim, use floaties...

I've been a hermit, upstairs, away from my studio all day today... I'm sure my parents are worried about me... but I really need today to sort out my brain... plan... I need some space to be able to figure out what I: a. HAVE to do, b. WOULD like to do, c. CAN do...

Okay... that's my freak out... blah.....

Jumping In...

"Sometimes you just have to jump in without your floaties!" I overheard a little girl say on the Disney Channel this morning... It was supposed to be the heart-warming scene from one of the million sequels to one of the many movies where a big fluffy dog saves the day, and then his family saves him.... or something....

Well.... I need to jump back into my art without "my floaties"... I'm back in Midland, and I want to get back to work... I want to make stuff and finish stuff... but I feel blocked... I don't know where to start, and I get anxious that I'm gonna make a mistake..

I think, by using Photoshop and Illustrator and other computer programs over the years to make collages and art, I've gotten really used to the "UNDO" feature.... or going back in history and changing the image back to how it was...

But, *sigh*, in art (without computers) and life, there is no "undo" button... I just have to put something down, and see how the medium reacts and then respond... Basically, not expecting anything, but responding to each layer, and watching the piece come together, instead of trying to make it a certain way.

This is what I wrote in my journal yesterday:

I just need to put it down and respond. The ideas of things do me no good just rolling around in my head, unless I try them and put them down. They don't all have to be perfect... There's no magic pill.... Just got another idea --pill, angels, light--... I just need to take the stuff I've got and use it... stop worrying about the end result

So, I'm jumping in... No floaties! I've got one collage I'm working on... it's from a picture I took in Terlingua and played with in Photoshop, and then I printed it on tissue paper.... and hot wax collaged it on to a page from an old Encyclopedia of Animals page on Condors... I burned the background paper a bit with my heat gun while I was trying to get the wax even.... looks cool... smelled BAD!