bad egg

last night I burned water... and eggs.

I was going to hard boil a few eggs. I put the eggs and water on the stove to boil and then I started to paint...

Drawing patterns and going over patterns is very meditative for me... I started drawing and getting really into it.... so into it that after I was done with the patterns on one painting, I picked up another and did the same thing...

I'm not really sure how many hours had gone by when I heard an explosion in the kitchen... The explosion was the eggs popping open... the yokes popped completely out! There was no water left in the pot... just really stinky burned eggs. Yuck!

The good part of the story is that I am REALLY happy with the way one of the pieces turned out... I tried a new technique and like it so much, I think I may continue to use it.

Here are the two pieces I worked on last night: (they are both 2'x2' on wood) .... and once again they are for my upcoming show at the Magnolia Gallery (inside the Magnolia Theater) in Dallas, August 20th- Sept. 23rd.



and I've posted this one before- but I finished the background last night.

screw up

My new favorite album to paint to, that I forgot I bought on iTunes in January, and forgot to listen to: Nouvelle Vague
My new favorite not-new-cover song that I'm listening to over and over again tonight: Making Plans for Nigel by Nouvelle Vague


Sometimes I get scared.

I get scared to put a mark down with paint. I get scared to screw it up. I get so scared that I never even try.

I used to start drawing by closing my eyes and scribbling on paper, and then open them and make something out of the scribble. It always turned out well.... I just went with the flow and worked with the scribble instead of fighting against it. I always knew that if something didn't look right, I could keep working with it until it finally took form.

I've lost that attitude. I need to get it back.

I haven't been happy with these 4 new paintings. They're boring me. They look like something I'd see in a hotel or something. I'm getting bored with them before i finish them...

Something has been keeping me from moving forward... I think I'm too scared to screw them up. Also, I'm being timed... I have to have a certain number of paintings done by a certain date.

So, tonight, I decided I would screw up my paintings a bit... and then work with them.

But that's WAY easier said than done....

But I did add a squiggly background on the hawk.... (I just barely added color to the bird in this one... so it's not even close to looking how it will look.)


This is a close-up

making some progress.

I did swim.... and I did manage to get enough motivation together to paint.

I've been a pretty timid painter this time. Maybe because I'm on a time crunch... but I'm having a difficult time actually putting paint down and lines down. I think I've developed some sort of fear of drawing. I used to draw all of the time, now, I get anxious when I'm about to draw. I need to work on that. I've gotta draw more often.

I filled in the bird on green... and then outlined him.



Then, I colored turquoise behind this hawk sketch. The color looks strange because of the lighting.... but it's really one solid turquoise color. I started to stencil pattern behind him, and then stopped. I'm not sure how much stenciling I'll be doing this time around.



Oh.... and This is one of my favorite things:

What's cuter than a panda sneezing?!? really?!?

Getting Warmer

One big difference in how I blogged before, and how I'm going to blog from now on: I'm not going to blog EVERY day. I'd ideally like to blog 4-5 days a week... but not 7. I'm glad to be out of the vicious cycle of blogger's guilt!

This holiday weekend was fun.. but HOT!!! It is too hot in Texas. Triple digits = ridiculous! I need to find a pool and park my butt in it for the the next two months.

I've been sitting outside on my computer... a cockroach just flew up and landed on my head... I threw it off... I'm proud of myself that I didn't freak out.. run downstairs and start pouring bleach on myself ... or something like that... maybe being around so many bugs last summer was good for me after all...

I did work on my paintings this weekend:

This painting was a STRUGGLE. I fought the wood and the wood fought the paint... finally I painted a very thick layer of Acrylic medium over it... I hope that will make things a lot easier.



I like this painting of a Bohemian Waxwing... but something is bugging me... I think the painting is too gray. I would like to add some texture and pattern around him... but right now I'm unsure about what colors to use. I need to add a little more yellow and red on him... I really like these birds and their coloring, so I may be painting a few of them. He's far from done...


This next piece is a generic "bird"

I gessoed parts of the bird ... but so far this wood has also been a bit difficult to work on... even though it was primered. More Acrylic Matte Medium!



I like the pattern down one side... but I'm not sure I'm liking the background color... not yet.

I've also painted another board YELLOW! and of course I LAYERED the Acrylic Matte Medium over the yellow immediately! I want to paint a HUGE hummingbird on it.

It's been a while since I've painted.... so the flow has yet to come... but hopefully if I keep plugging away at it, it'll happen when I'm least expecting it!

I was having trouble applying paint on the wood.. even after I primed the boards... I couldn't get a clear line and it was just a struggle getting the paint where i wanted it. I used the matte medium over the first bird... it dries clear... but i plan to paint on top of it.

From now on, I'm going to paint an under coat of the matte medium.... but i know you can mix it with paint, and paint over and under. it gives a much smoother surface than gesso.

One Lesson learned: Acrylic Matte Medium is my FRIEND! a much better friend than Gesso, fo' sho!

Don't call it a comeback!

I'm baaack!

The last several months I've been working on life-stuff, rather than art-stuff...

I started this blog so everyone would know where I was... and what I was doing. But, after a certain point, I decided that I don't always want everyone to know everything. My private life has to stay private... So, now I'm back. And we'll see what happens now...

I'm in Austin, and at the end of August, I'm having my first SOLO show in Dallas at the Magnolia Gallery. I have some older pieces that I may put in the show, but I REALLY want to get some new paintings done and up. I've decided to paint birds in flight... (maybe because I've been moving so much... hmmm?? or things are changing so fast??)

I went to Home Depot and bought 6 2ftx2ft pieces of wood, and I set up a studio in the corner of the room (and I've already turned it into a mess).



I thought getting to work would be much easier... but I'm in my 6th month of pregnancy and it's getting harder and harder to move around like I'm used to. Sitting on the floor is something I can only do in small increments... and overall, I'm just not as graceful as I used to be... not that I was really "graceful" before... but now I'm really clumsy and awkward... and make a lot of grunting noises when I move.. and my hips hurt and back hurts... and .... okay.... I'll stop now.

I've had to use much more Gesso on these boards than I have in the past. My idea is to do one bird on each... so far, this is what I've got:





Not much to look at... just the background colors and a couple of sketches. But at least I'm back and working again... I haven't got into my flow yet... but I feel it coming!

Here's something else that is really cool!

A cicada, coming out of its shell on our porch! I've seen a lot of cicadas (the plague in NC last summer), but never watched one hatch...

Moth balls? no....

My mom and I went and saw Bride Wars today... as she said, "It was no Gran Torino" .... unfortunately, I haven't seen Gran Torino yet... so, I can't compare, but can only imagine...

Actually, the main reason we went to go see Bride Wars was our friend Michael Arden is in it! He's great (as always)... and plays Kate Hudson's assistant/Mr. of Honor....

After that, it was time for business... <:o)E

I did a little work on the chandelier piece... it seemed like it lacked definition and outline towards the top of the piece... and I also just worked on the moth... but the change is SO slight, that even if I were to point it out, I'm not sure anyone (except for me) would be able to see it.

I did take the Girl with the hood.... (orange hood... green background...) ... remember how attached to her I was?!

Yeah, Well.... i painted the whole thing read and orange and purple!

I felt so much better once I painted over her!

I really like the moth painting.. and I like what moths personally symbolize to me.... Part of that is: searching for a light in the darkness....

That means a lot to me... searching... seeking... wanting to find the light... the strength... all of that has been part of my "new life" in the last year...

I thought i may do a moth series... (there are SOOO many GORGEOUS moths!) ... i still love moths SO much more than butterflies...

butterflies? ... *yawn*...

I bought a book in Austin at a thrift store on Lamar (not Salvation Army... but similar)... and I took the book and cut out hexagons to stick on the wood board (with matte medium) and then I painted the moth... simple... but it takes a LONG time



This piece has a WAYS to go... I want to make the bottom wings larger.... and look more like owl eyes... (that's what I think they look like...)


Okay.... so tomorrow (today)... Barak Obama is our new President! it's a new day! and I'll be working on the same moth from yesterday... but that's okay.... hey, that rhymes!

PPS... I still have NOT found a way to frame and hang this piece....



there's more...

Ahhhhh.... much better...

YAY!

i've finally gotten into the "flow" and I'm making stuff that I LIKE and finishing it! wow.... it's been a long time... or at least it feels like it's been a long time since I've done that...

Today, I put the encaustics, wax and collage stuff away, and broke out the acrylic paints.... good ol' trusty acrylics....

And i finished the chandelier:


(I think it looks better in real life than this pic... but that's just my opinion)

and, on the piece that I collaged the hexagon dress patterns, I decided I wanted a moth... (I've had a love for moths since this summer in North Carolina... I like them so much better than butterflies...)... not just any moth, but one of the silk worm moths... so using these "mothels" (okay... bad joke...).... I used these moths to model my moth after:


And this is what it looked like in process:


I still have more work to do.... I'm trying to keep it somewhat transparent... using very watered down paints... but I also want it to be bright... it could take a while:


Both pieces are about 24"x24"..... so i'm also glad that I have work that's larger than I usually do...

I also am high on the feeling of accomplishment (meaning: actually finishing a piece that I like).....

And i like both pieces.... and I like them enough to where I don't really care if I'm the only person in the world who likes them... (of course I want other people to like them), but they say what I want them to say... and mean something to me... and I like them... and that feels fantastic!



I watched the first American Idol tonight... I love that show!


Another show I love is the Daily Show... This episode (before "super tuesday" in 2000) is appropriate, for several reasons:

a. this is before Bush became President... and right now he's about to become a former President

b. This is about Midland (where I am now)

c. This is about Cooties... and unless you're vaccinated (circle circle dot dot)... you may be infected ... although boys are at a higher risk for cooties than girls are....

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Cootie Scandal

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Saturday night

some ideas are worth listening to.

the story about changing the one thing on a painting that your most attached to.... yeah, that works... at least I feel like it did...

i felt so much more free, and wasn't thinking or judging everything once i tried that...

the chandelier painting now has a WAYS to go.... but looks like this:


I re-painted the background, and then painted a big chandelier.... I may make it more red... not sure... I used to have a red chandelier in my old house.... Now it's the focus and not an element that's in the way... At least I'm more happy with it...

and the one that I thought I was too attached to the background.... well, I think I was most attached to the tree that was on it.... so I took that tree off and replaced it with this one:


And then I tried something new.... (I got this idea from another artist at Penland), I painted the board blue, black and off-white and then took a sewing pattern and cut it in to hexagon shapes an pasted them on with Matte Medium:




I haven't touched the painting with the girl yet.... but I feel like I'm on a roll... Everything seems much more organic, and flow-like, rather than me trying to force everything to come together.... and that wasn't working. at all.

oh yeah....

Last night, I decided I wanted to take a well-deserved break, and watch Saturday Night Live... I was looking forward to vegging out in front of the TV for an hour... I NEVER watch TV... But, instead of some hit-or-miss funny SNL, there was a 3 hour telethon instead! NOOO! This is what I was staring at in disbelief instead of SNL:


so, not cool... To quote a friend: "That's UN-American, well, kinda."

I heard it wasn't all that funny last night anyways... maybe the telethon incident was more entertaining in the long run...

back to work....

Blocked

I heard a story from someone, but I don't remember from who or when (although I think it was this summer at Penland):

If you're over-attached to one element in your piece, and you're struggling with your piece, then you should get rid of, or change the thing you're overly attached to.... There was a story that went with this. And after the artist removed the element they were most attached to, the piece worked out...

I'm not sure if that's true or not... but there are a few pieces that I'm struggling with... nothing looks right, but I'm overly attached to one element of the painting....

the chandelier:


The girl:


the background:


But I'm not quite ready to get rid of those things... Maybe that means that they are the things that I most need to change...

probably... I think, by holding on to them as they are, I'm not allowing the pieces to change... and become what they're supposed to become...

It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them."
-Anais Nin

I think I'm doing that with some of my art work...

Okay... I think I just needed to get that out of my system.... maybe now I can get some stuff done!

love/hate

I did some more collaging... I really LOVE wax... but I'm really and TRULY starting to HATE wax... so sticky..... too gratifying, too instantly.... too sticky... too messy... too much fun... too easy.... too hard... too time consuming... too cloudy.... uh! love/hate.

The printing place called me... they printed a test strip of a small collage I did in December... It looked good.

They also showed me the scans, they also looked good...

I'm looking forward to seeing what it all looks like... when it's done...

I don't feel like writing much.... so I'll post pics of what I've done, what I'm working on... I'm not %100 happy with my work right now... but, I'm very happy that I'm making work....

So, with that said:

Here are the red trees:



and a close up of each:



So, i added the moon cycle.... but now, I wanna just keep the background of this piece and start over... I doubt it though.... but, I do think this is the MAJOR issue when you become so attached to one part of a piece that you can't let go enough to let it become the best it can:


This is just an idea... i printed out some images (on tissue paper, so everything but the ink will disappear....


A very encaustic background (done the same way the owl from a while ago was done)...


now I'm trying to figure out what to do with it/put on it... here are some of my ideas:




I added a TON of medium to the clover collage background... now I can carve into it and collage on it...


And, last, I transferred this pattern to board.... but I'm still working on taking the paper off of the back... that always takes SOOO long!


My horseback riding lesson was cancelled today... the wind chill here in Midland didn't get above 30 degrees... I was kinda glad it was cancelled.... I wasn't looking forward to freezing my butt off!

okie dokie.... about to fall asleep typing... g'nite!

Why do I do this??? WHY

This is what I got a start on today...

i was thinking... ooooh collage as presents... yay!


(she'll never read my blog... so I can show that one)

and then I did....


and then I Made a TON of more of a MESS!

and did more on this;



Uh oh....

So.... Today, Tonight... I started thinking: (WARNING.... this is a bitch-fest.... or WAIT... maybe it's my emo-blogger stage!).

Soooo... I started thinking:

Wow... I must be some sort of narcissist or something to write stuff... and expect people to read it, to care, to understand.... or even to WANT to understand..... Or am I normal.... (well, 10 years ago, bloggers weren't normal.... well, at least not with the people I knew....) .... but I thought (tonight):

I'm just keeping people updated on my travels (I moved in with my parents.... travels?!?).... people want to know I'm healing (I can't dwell on grief and sadness and sum up everyday with them both), well people want to know what I'm doing creatively (YAWN!)

So.... When exactly was it that I crossed the line from Just-keeping-everyone-updated-on-my-travels-er to .... Blogger.... !?

Is this my online journal.... kinda... but, no... I have a journal... I write in it pretty much as often as I blog.... Is it more interesting? No. More juicy? No. More soap-opera-esque. No... Honestly... It's probably more boring... (and I'm more boring than even I think....)... my Journal is the same prayer over and over again... It's the list-making, the clutter that I just have to get out, so I can function and work... and then.. after it all comes together ... I blog... well... sometimes.....

Sometimes, I think and tell myself that I shouldn't write about Carter... and when I should.. and I don't; I feel bad ... Sometimes, I think I should only write about happy stuff... and when I'm not happy, but I won't acknowledge it; I feel like I'm not being honest... But, with who?

With me... With me portraying myself as "me".... but only that one itty-bitty part of me... the I-can-pull-it-together-and-make-it-into-many-cohesive-sentences-and-wrap-up-my-day-real-purdy-and-tie-it-with-a-bow ME....

But, I'm a lot stranger than that.... and my mind is a lot more "out there" than that.... and my thoughts, even further "out there," sometimes...

Is this about Art? Life? Technology? Sex? Drama? Will it make you cry? Laugh? Change Your Life? Change Mine? .... No.... It's Just me.... or, what I would like to present to "you" as "ME"


maybe better.... maybe worse... i don't even know....

Good night .... and Good luck


AND NOOOOO that is NOT keith olbermann.. that is Edward R. Murrow....



BTW- if you stick with me... maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about me and my mom "poppin' it like it's hot" at zoomba! :)

This, is Zumba!

lost clothes in dream land...

The song "Somewhere over the Rainbow" has been stuck in my head all day.... I don't know why. I haven't heard that song in... well... I can't even recall when...

Today I went to the Polo club... I'm going to take riding lessons again... I used to ride english (jumping and some dressage) 14 yrs ago... and I was actually really good. I have a picture of me, somewhere, of me and the horse I was riding at the time jumping two pretty high jumps that were about 6 ft apart... I need to find that picture and scan it in. I'm really excited about it... I love riding horses!

today, I have no pandora, no urbandictionary.com words...

But I had a really strange dream last night. I only recognized two people in the dream, one was a girl I went to school with in Norway and haven't heard from since then.... and the other is a friend of mine now... But there were a lot of other people in the dream... those "dream friends".... you know them... they're always there (in dreams), but they don't exist in real life... at least I don't think so.

So we were at a party/music festival/rave... and then I was with one real friend sitting on a pool table... both of us were in costume... I had changed into a fancy 80's prom dress.... and then I wanted to change back into my normal clothes...

So, I asked around and no one knew where they were... except for one guy, who had a HUGE stretched out kleenex box on his shoulder... so, i asked him and he SCREAMED at me that he couldn't tell me because that would interrupt the band playing (he was doing the sound for the band with the box of kleenex's)... So, I left my friend and walked around looking for my clothes...

The music was really loud... it was a lot like a rave or something.. and then I found my friend (from Norway), she needed the dress back... So I had to take it off and give it to her... and then I walked around in my underwear (i wasn't all that embarrassed because I thought it covered as much as a bikini did...) but my panties were inside out... and I was embarrassed the tag was sticking out (weird...)... So I walked around the party... which turned out to be a Walmart too... and then walked back and found the first friend I was with... and he was in normal clothes...on the phone with his dad and working on his laptop... I said, "Where?!?" and he laughed and told me to check in the suitcases lined up against the wall... and that they (the suitcase owners) wouldn't mind...

Then I woke up... As random as it was, it was such a vivid dream, that I had to immediately text SOMEONE! later on, I realized that the dream wasn't as enlightening as I thought when I first woke up...

So... what does it mean??? I think, maybe, it could mean that I should go to Walmart and buy some new underwear.

today, i walked outside and found two small dead butterflies... and a nice big duck feather:

I also bought *gasp* OIL PAINTS! I have a hate-hate relationship with them... or i did... But if you paint with encaustic, then you really need oil paints... so I bought a cheap set ... and some turpentine...

So, I got back to work on the paper doll "disaster".. but not really... I'm starting to like it... i painted a bit with oils to bring out some color and then added wings on the girl:




Then I worked on the pattern even more... I keep not liking the colors I'm picking... So I keep going over it, again, and again, and again... I smeared the pink with a goldish-color... It doesn't look as crisp.... I'm liking it better. Here's a close up of the small pattern:



and when pandora froze up and wouldn't play anything for me, Dylan's snoring kept me company:



I was putting off blogging... (resistance), but maybe I'll be glad I did tomorrow.