Silent and sneaky war of art.

I got back to Midland tonight... My GPS took me on a very scenic, but also very out-of-the-way drive from Lockhart to Midland... all 7 hours of it.

While I was driving, I was trying to connect to the work I plan to get done and do... The book/project that Justin Voight and I are working on... the whole reason for the trip to the Big Bend area... but I couldn't.

I was doubting myself... my creativity... a lot of fear of not being able, or good enough... I felt like I lost that creative drive that was fueling me before I left Midland.

I called Justin, we talked for a long time... we were both struggling with the same issues. But, instead of discouraging each other, our conversation caused us to dissect our fear, anticipation, procrastinations... look at ourselves.... all of it. I felt back on track when I pulled the car in the driveway.

I was REALLY tired, and wanted to go to bed. But Mons gave me a book (months ago- procrastination), and I promised to read it as soon as I got back to Midland. It's called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. (thank you! I'm so glad I read it)

As soon as I started to read it, I couldn't put it down. He describes the conversations that Justin and I had just had an hour earlier perfectly. The fear, the excuses.... all of the blocks to creativity... or rather the blocks to the canvas, or blank page... he calls that force "the Resistance" that we all have.

It's a force that has to be fought daily.... and reading that book made me realize that a lot of my traveling (or most of it) was my Resistance to producing what I needed to. I've learned and read and traveled in order to make art... but do I have anything substantial to show for it? Not yet... always tomorrow.

I came back to Midland a week later than I had planned ... that is a full week of not sitting down and producing work... or writing. I'm not beating myself up about it... I'm just realizing it.. processing it.

I mean, I didn't even blog! i felt like there was too much to say... or not enough pictures.... excuses, excuses... either way, nothing substantial was done (work-wise)... well, besides substantial procrastination....

So, tomorrow, I'm going to unpack the car, and organize.... then schedule. (I hate schedules!) But I'm going to make sure that I write three pages in my journal everyday, at a certain time, and treat going into my studio and making art like a job... I'll be on the clock, whether I feel like it or not.

And I've got Justin as an accountability partner... we're gonna check in with each other to help keep us out of the blockages.

I'm not saying it's going to be perfect or amazing... actually I expect it's gonna be harder than we think.

But at least I took one step in the right direction today, and actually blogged!

Overly ambitious... and heart shaped rocks...

Heart Shaped Rocks! I explain in the last few paragraphs:



So... we made it through Big Bend... Right now we're in Marfa. we just had breakfast at a little coffee shop/juice bar/breakfast place called Squeeze Marfa. I'm listening to the man next to me chatting away on his cell phone in Norwegian... little does he know that I can understand part of his conversation... not very much.. but enough that would shock him. I'd tell him... but I need to type before I get into a conversation.


So... our Big Bend adventure:

On Monday, we left Marathon and headed towards Big Bend. We stopped in Alpine for groceries... and we stopped to take pictures along the way. We stopped in Terlingua Ghost Town.. it's not really a ghost town any more, because people live there... but the remenents of the ghost town are still there. We took pictures of the cemetery and old buildings...

Then the increasingly beautiful drive into Big Bend. Some areas of the park are still flooded and closed... we had no idea how big of a deal the floods were until we talked to locals...

Once we were in the park, we headed up to the Chisos Mountains. We decided to camp one night in the basin, and then spend the next hiking up to the South Rim.

Monday night we grilled out... our camp was visited by a group of 6 Javelinas... they were fine... and nice... they walked right up to us...

The next day we packed our backpacks and headed out on the 6.5 mile hike. We OVER packed... I couldn't even lift my backpack, and Justin's was so heavy that the strap of his ripped and we spent an hour duct taping it... The whole hike was up a mountain... NO RELIEF! It was the hardest thing either one of us has EVER done... I still have NO idea how we made it... we didn't make it to the top... but we made it 3 miles UP and that took us 5 hours! We were more than exhausted... we pitched our tent at the first campsite we came to and slept... for 13 hours! EXHAUSTED!


The next day we left our stuff at the campsite and hiked the rest of the way to the South Rim... it was beautiful. incredible. But we were hurting so bad, I'm not sure if we were able to enjoy it as much. But we did it.

After reading in the Big Bend hiking book about the hike... we realized that we overestimated our hiking abilities... and were overly ambitious... some may say STUPID. The book said it was VERY STRENUOUS but that every hiker "worth his or her salt" will try to hike the South Rim at least once... oops... we are two people who don't even work out! Even the hike down to the basin was so hard... it looked like we were beaten up badly... and we were.

That night we desperately needed showers... so we drove back to Terlingua and stayed at a motel there. Yesterday we woke up and drove back into Big Bend... we did a SHORT .25 mile hike... but mostly drove... a beautiful drive through desert... down to where the road was closed from flooding.

Something AMAZING happened.... I wanted to play Carter's CD for Justin... so we were listening to it and driving. I really felt like I could connect to the environment and the experience.... I felt like I could feel Carter around... We stopped and walked around... I said a little something... something like, if I really feel you, show me... let me find a heart shaped rock...

I'm NOT even kidding: As soon as I said that I looked around and EVERY rock where I was standing was heart shaped! i started to pick them up... Some of them looked heart shaped because of shadows... but a lot WERE heart shaped... they were EVERYWHERE!

I didn't want to tell justin... because I thought he'd think I was nuts... but he walked over when I was taking pictures... I told him, and then I picked one up... he said, "Oh my god! you weren't kidding! that is a heart!"

Here's a picture of one of the rocks:

After that there were hearts everywhere... When we drove into to Marfa, we stopped at a Indian gift shop... they had "Worry Stones" the one on top was a red stone in the shape of a heart! I picked it up... it was the only one that was heart shaped... the other ones weren't in any shape...

wow... I asked... and I got my answer.

The road goes on forever....

...and the party never ends... Seriously... the road goes on FOREVER... hours on a open road.. and not seeing any other cars.. it's insane, especially after driving through New England last month...



After packing up and getting the last necessities (and some arguable necessities) we were on the road. First stop: Monahans Sandhills State Park..

Monahans is amazing... so remote... and white sand dunes that seem to go on forever... i took my shoes off and walked around. We rented a sand disk for a dollar, (which is a disk shaped sled), and I tried it twice... but barely slid... I slid quite a ways on a really steep sand dune... but at really slow speed... I think it's made for kids who weigh nothing.

It was windy and really sandy... but amazing and beautiful. The color contrasts between the sand, the sky, and even the plants... is incredible. It is so remote... we only saw one other car while we were there...

Next we went to the Wickett, TX bluegrass festival... um.... or non-festival... Wickett is a town of 400 people... as it puts the po in podunk. We found the building, but there was no one and no sound.... except the wind across the very flat land... there was a cute little boy standing outside the arts building, blonde hair, wearing jeans and a white wifebeater. I asked him if there was any music.... he just shook his head, no... it was REALLY creepy... Children of the Corn, creepy... the only thing creepier would've been if he said, "yes, inside...." .... yikes. Here's a pic of the building and street of the festival:


To be fair, the website said the festival went on for three days... we got there on the 3rd day... it coulda been hoppin' the first two days... but for some reason, I'm skeptical.

Then we headed towards Big Bend... we stopped in Grandfalls to take pics, and then Marathon, "the place where the pavement ends and the west begins." The drive was AMAZING... SO incredibly beautiful... the landscape is so hard to describe.... it's plains that go on forever... and then Huge random mountains!

Marathon is a really incredible place... We feel like we are in THE west! (we are, but... it's the energy or something)

We are staying at the very nice and very haunted Gage Hotel in Marathon... the employees have been spooking us with ghost stories...

We left to go see the Marfa lights.. I was SHOCKED. I can't believe that something so strange, as lights bouncing around and appearing and disappearing isn't more visited and hasn't been figured out... that's just beyond me...

Tomorrow, More adventure.. but so far, i'm even more impressed than I thought possible... I'm not sure when I'll be able to write next.. so bear (ha!) with me...

here's a pic at dinner at the Gage Hotel... me acting silly (shocker)

West Texas

Ahh... west Texas skies... and the road... just a taste of what is to come in the next week... I can't wait.

I've been packing... shopping for art stuff and clothes... tomorrow I drop off Dylan at the kennel... I wish I could take him in my pocket with me everywhere... but he's 60lbs... kinda big... but if I could just make a mini dylan ... and a mini cassie too... to put in my pocket and travel everywhere with me. :)

Justin comes to Midland tomorrow... and then Big Bend... I'll blog more tomorrow...

Mtn Lions, Snakes and Bears... OH MY

I've had a lazy week. A L-A-Z-Y week of vegging out. I feel like I needed it though. I feel much more rested... finally.

I'm also getting geared up (or at least mentally prepared) for my Big Bend trip. I talked to Justin... He's done some research on Big Bend... There are mountain lions, rattlesnakes and bears! OH MY!

I've never been camping before. Not really. Actually I camped when I was about 12 for a night or two... and then one time when I was 16, I spent the night in a tent... But both were about the equivalent to sleeping in a tent in the back yard.

It's not that I've never wanted to go camping... I've just never been invited. So, I'm excited... a little nervous... hmmm... to burn or bury the T.P.?

I'm so excited to see Big Bend. I've wanted to see it for some time now. It's the least visited and most remote national park... So, my first time camping will be REALLY camping.

I plan to do a LOT of nature journaling. We leave on the 4th of October.

I hope I don't encounter any mountain lions, or rattlesnakes... or bears...

I really feel the need to do something creative... I just need time and space to make it happen.