Encaustic collage comes back, as another one (camera) bites the dust..

Why am I the kiss of death for digital cameras?!? Every time I buy one, something happens! This summer I lost one to "lens error", then tonight I tried to take pictures of my work but there is a huge black fuzzy dot in the middle! I tried to clean the lens.. but it's still there... ugh! What is it? Will it go away?



All of my pics below were taken off-centered, and cropped so the dot won't show...


The last two days here in Midland, I've fought my Resistance... and won... I need to stop judging the results though.

I've unpacked my stuff. It's not a hard thing to do, but it's been harder, because I haven't been really settled and unpacked anywhere since last year when C was killed... I've been a refugee of sorts... When i stayed at the house my parents rented for me in Dallas, i was unpacked... but not settled.... my mind wasn't settled...

I'm so used to living out of a suitcase now, it's kinda scary... and sad.

But, i unpacked. and organized (almost everything)

I've written in my journal for the second day in a row (I'm proud of myself for that), and I've blogged (also proud of myself), and I've tried to do some encaustic collage....

I'm trying to not judge what I do... and let it happen... but it's HARD!

Here's my process: I had masonite board that I coated in beeswax medium, and then I took a paper doll book (that I bought on the Big Bend trip), a sewing pattern for dresses.. some doilies, and tissue papers.... I used a quilting iron that I bought a few months ago and collaged on the pieces wax...

It started like this:



And then I decided to add the Indian Girl paper doll book:



and



Those pictures were taken with my cell, so the color is a bit different...

Then, today i decided to add more dress pattern and color in the dresses.... I'm not really happy with how this looks... it's too abstract for me... I may cut out the paper doll dresses.... I'm still working with this though:



I'm trying not to judge what I do... and just react to what I put down instead... Sometimes I stop myself, and say out loud, "thinking, judging, let go..."

I may let that project sit for a few days before I get back to it...

I've been somewhat of a hermit here so far (but for two days... does that even count?!?), I'm tired from all of the traveling... and I'm ready to get to work ... and make some work I'm happy with... i think I need to be a little bit of a recluse to tap back in to my connectedness and creativity flow. Does that just make me strange? probably.... but a lot of the great artists and writers were considered "strange". I know I'm not "normal"... and I'm finally making peace with that.

I'm fighting fear right now... fear of being an artist, or a writer... just fear of patience... maybe? fear of failure and fear of success... It makes me want to hide... but I can't. I KNOW something good will come... but I'm being tested. Damn that "Resistance!".