back from nola

Well, I'm back...

I had a great b-day and fun Mardi Gras...

We were going to be the unicorns- Feathers, Cadillac, and Tom Cruise- from "Planet Unicorn" (ridiculous cartoon show on youtube... but the theme song is hysterical!)..



And some one sent me a link to "How to create a Unicorn costume"... that is really funny.... I love how it says: You'll feel like a powerful and enchanted mythic being in this unicorn costume. But, I never got the chance to make the horns.... So, the plan changed to (as always...) just look as ridiculous as possible on Mardi Gras day)...

I did buy a BEAUTIFUL mask that I wore... It is by an artist based in NY, Wendy Drolma... and I HAD to have it, because she is an amazing artist... and because it reminded me so much of the moths I had been painting... she even called the style "Luna".... but said they are butterfly masks... not moths...

This is a pic from Mardi Gras day that I really like... I have no clue who is in the pic with me... but I do like this photo a lot!




I'm in full process of planning... I need to get to Austin, and to work, on my own work and side jobs if necessary.

I have serious "not-updating-web-site" guilt! but I have sold a few prints through my web site lately... but still... I've gotta understand the online world much better.... how to market and stuff...

This was a quick update... it's nice to be back with Dylan... who is snoring right by my foot right now...

plans

Well, as I know all too well... as much as you can plan something out... nothing is guaranteed...

Some unforeseen money issues have come up and will hopefully be unfrozen "in the foreseeable future" .... whatever that direct quote means.... I'm not sure.... but the damage (not just to me) is done... and it's sad... Our financial system is so screwed up that people can get away with ripping off innocent people... It's so ridiculous... What's even stranger is: about a month ago I had a dream where no one could get money out of banks... and cards didn't work... then cash... It was just a scary dream.... but now I feel like I'm watching it actually happen....

So, I may or may not be able to move into the apt. in Austin... Which would have been next week...

I'm still planning to move there... maybe to a different place, maybe not, maybe later, maybe not... I don't know... I'm tired... I felt like all signs were steering me there... maybe they still are.... I'm sick of guessing.

I'm still going to New Orleans tomorrow. I'll be celebrating my Lundi Gras b-day with good friends, who I haven't seen in a long time. I'm looking forward to having fun, before coming back to figure out what I can with this mess....

Earworm

The songs that seem to come out of nowhere... and get stuck in your head....

This is one that's my most recent earworm


RUBBER RING
by The Smiths


A sad fact widely known
The most impassionate song
To a lonely soul
Is so easily outgrown
But dont forget the songs
That made you smile
And the songs that made you cry
When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said : oh, oh, smother me mother...
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...

The passing of time
And all of its crimes
Is making me sad again
The passing of time
And all of its sickening crimes
Is making me sad again
But dont forget the songs
That made you cry
And the songs that saved your life
Yes, youre older now
And youre a clever swine
But they were the only ones who ever stood by you

The passing of time leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled (the passing ...)
The passing of time
Leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled
Im here with the cause
Im holding the torch
In the corner of your room
Can you hear me ?
And when youre dancing and laughing
And finally living
Hear my voice in your head
And think of me kindly
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring

Do you
Love me like you used to ?
Oh ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...

Youre clever
Everybodys clever nowadays
Youre clever
Everybodys clever nowadays

You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping

steppin'

Knowing that I'm moving soon makes it harder to be "present" or stay in the present.....

No wonder moving is so stressful on people.... you have to plan for the future.... not just plan... but expect the plan to materialize...

Yesterday I bought two books...

One is The Pocket Guide to Insects.... very interesting... lots of butterflies and moths... no Luna moths though.... which is just a damn shame.... also, the title of the book suggests that you could put it in your pocket.... but it's actually WAY bigger than pocket size....

The other one is "the Twelve Steps for Anyone.... who really wants them"..... reading through that made me question if I'd been neglecting my spiritual health.... it's all moving's fault anyways... :)

But really.... I haven't felt as "connected" as I usually do.... and I know that that comes in waves.... maybe I'm in the ebb rather than flow.... or maybe I haven't been paying as much attention as I usually do.....

I honestly think the world would be a much safer, peaceful and happier place if everyone would work the 12-steps... not necessarily for a substance addiction..... but the more common addiction to ego, and the physical and material world....

Another "Notes to Self"

I'm back in Midland, but I've spent the last few weeks in Austin, "feeling it out"... but not ready to make a commitment to moving... I guess I was waiting for my pumpkin to be turned into a carriage or something.... but then, it was brought to my attention..... and I realized: I have to decide.... make a decision even if it's scary and there is no fairy godmother involved.....

So, I found a place, in Austin.... In the neighborhood I like.... its a SMALL studio apartment.... (400 sq ft).... but you know what? I don't need "stuff".... there's NO safety in objects... Or ideas, plans or people... so I think this will be a good thing for me..

i'm back in Midland now.... with my pups.. and family....

My B-day is on Lundi Gras this year.... so, my parents used their airline credits and (AWWWWW YEAH) I'm headed down to NOLA for Carnival time! It'll be good.... I haven't seen my friends there in years.... and Mardi Gras is my favorite holiday.... i just don't know what I should be (costume-wise)..... We'll see.... I'm excited to go there!

Soooo... Since it's late and I'm tired...

I thought I'd do another "notes to self" segment..... (the random notes I write myself on my phone.... but I usually forget I wrote):

50
Arachnidiot: A person who accidentally wanders into an "invisible" spider web and begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

(yes I've done that.... and seen others do it too.... I copied this down from the Galaxy Cafe)

Hawaii
(seen in Kauai)

Mele Kalikimaka

"Drifted objects tumbled pieces of life, only the strongest reach the shore to be found and transformed, abstract representations of life lived." (quote from an artist at Little Tsunami Tattoo)

I Need

Someone to tell me to "go to bed" at a decent hour.... Being a night person has its darkside, especially when you're trying to live on the light side. Some hate the moon.... I tend to lean towards the side that hates the sun...f mornings!!!

Is it possible?
If i sleep in my scarf, could I accidentally strangle myself in my sleep?

Love:
I'm in love:
With what love gives
and what it takes.
Giving myself love,
Giving to love...
In the end:
It all goes back to love....
We all return to love.....

Nothing:
I don't have anything earth-shattering to say;
Nothing amazing to say...
I just have my thoughts,
my voice,
my one voice in the sea of billions,
my one voice in the history of trillions
of life stories.....
past, present, future...

One More
One more cigarette.
One more time.
One more minute.
One more chance to say what I wanted to.....
What I meant to.
Just one more.
.... and then another one.

What?!
Huh?
What?
Huh?
What?
Sorry, I don't hear well....
....{these are} conversations i have.....

Peaceful Place

Austin seems to be screaming at me to move here...

There is so much opportunity for me here to grow as an artist and a writer... and even today I was forwarded a job opportunity that is right up my alley...

My biggest problem/issue, has been my indecision... So to change that, I've decided to be more decisive... (see! a decision already made!). I tend to wait for things to happen, and then I respond... but i need to start making decisions and going for it and then responding... So... now I'm not just feelings things out, but actively pursuing and planning to move.

on another note: in my blog Change, I posted a picture of a church in Midland (Our Lady Guadalupe)... I was asked about it in the comments.... Then I dug up something I wrote about it almost a year ago when I first discovered this church, and I was in a much different place emotionally.

Today I had a great visit with my sister. She even took me to the Catholic church I was hoping to find over Christmas. I mean, the EXACT kind of beauty and symbolism that I pictured, but didn't know was there.

It's a beautiful out door church atrium with chapels, shrines and sculptures... and we were alone. If I were to have walked into another church, I'd be confronted by really smiley, overly friendly, excited people, with huge smiles, saying "oh, are you a visitor?" "Where are you from?" .... but in the atrium of the Catholic church (on the other side of the tracks... literally), I found none of that.... just peace, and the feeling of thousands of heart-felt prayers lingering in the air.

In the shrine, there were candles lit and there was also a bulletin board with pictures and letters covering both sides of the shrine. Most of the letters were in Spanish (which I can't read), but it didn't matter... I could feel the energy and sense of urgency, to find the light in the pits of grief, fear and sorrow.

Looking at that wall, and kneeling at the shrine gave me a flash of clarity: I'm not alone. Suffering afflicts everyone, who am I to think I'd be above it? I felt a sense of unity in participating in this dance of the cycles of life and death.

And then another feeling hit me... one that I felt bad for having happened at such a pure time: I had to pee... BADLY. It must have been some sort of cosmic joke. A sense of oneness interrupted by the sense of a overly full bladder.

Home now.... tired, but I feel good. now i know where to go when I need to get away and pray in a sacred place.

25 things

call me lazy.... or whatever.... but i feel like i should blog... because i haven't lately.... and i posted this on face book... so I thought I'd post it here too..


25 Random Things


1. I'm addicted to Soy Chai Lattes (not a cheap addiction)

2. When the Starbucks employees started to greet me with, "Hi Ryann, Soy Chai?" I decided to start going to another Starbucks... I was not comfortable knowing they had caught on to my addiction.

3. I like to make stuff... like art stuff... I also break stuff.. but dont really like breaking stuff...

4. I carry around a big purse... and it's usually filled with rocks, and other random things I find on the ground... sometimes my purse full of rocks is super heavy...

5. My middle name is Suzanne, but not pronounced like you'd think... it's pronounced the Louisiana way.. the French way... and it bugs me when people argue that with me...

6. I have the largest key ring ever, and I can still not find my keys... ever!

7. I like painting birds and insects.... and I like the symbolism and mythology behind them, and how beautiful they are... but I don't want to touch a bird or an insect.... ewwww... so, i'm not really the "bird" person people think I am....

8. i know the lyrics to Warren G "Regulators" .... and have NO problem showing off and rapping it when ever... sometimes even out of the blue.

9. I don't know where I'm "from".... I moved my whole life... and obviously continue to..

10. my parents are from Louisiana (NOLA and BR), but I was born in Stavanger, Norway.

11. born in norway, then moved to Jakarta, and then moved to Medan (both Indonesia), then to Connecticut, then to Bakersfield, CA, then back to Stavanger, norway... then to Houston, Then to Midland (my senior year of highschool), then to Austin, then to Louisiana, Then back to houston, then to Dallas, now i'm floating... between Midland and Austin... about to move back to Austin.

12. I blog: http://ryannontheroad.blogspot.com

13. I need to update my web site but I have one: www.ryannrathbone.com

14. Sometimes I talk, and it makes a lot of sense in my own head... but doesn't make sense coming out of my mouth.

15. I hate talking on the phone

16. i love my family and friends... I have the greatest family and friends... who've helped me soooo much, especially since Carter's death.

17. I love driving on long road trips... even by myself... actually, especially by myself.

18. My favorite words to say are: giggle, and zombies!

19. I've taken my LSAT and my GRE... but have yet to really go to law school or grad school

20. I'm TERRIBLE at math! on my GRE only %5 of people scored below me on the math part (compared to %90 on the verbal and writing parts)... but in college I ROCKED statistics... I have no idea how... but statistics clicked... but simple math, and algebra and the rest just scramble my brain.

21. I have a doggie named Dylan, who is 9 and who I always thought was a weimaraner until I met a "blue lacy" which is the state dog of texas... now I'm not so sure he's a full weimaraner.... I feel like he's lied to me the last 9 years.... maybe i should return him for a REAL weimaraner.... (okay... TOTALLY kidding about the returning him part.)

22. I leave a trail of stuff behind me and don't even realize it...

23. My favorite number ever is 23

24. the last year and a half, I've only worn 3 pair of shoes... uggs, crocks and birkenstocks... all three brands that i always SWORE i'd never wear.

25. I'm obsessed with fake mustaches!

Gathering information

Yesterday, I looked at studio space here in Austin...

I loved it! The web site is pumpproject.org

My friend Anne's husband is a very talented jewelry designer, and he rents space there. His web site is limbojewelry.com,

I also met an artist who does mixed media. This is his website's link jhaleyarts.com .... Since I also like to use found objects, mixed media and found surfaces, I talked to him for a while... I really like his work... and processes... it was great to talk to him, and find out how he was getting certain effects and different processes...

Everyone there was very nice.

So... that's an option...

I also talked to a friend of Steve Collins last night... she's working on a book right now... she gave me some great advice and is going to email me a book proposal form for me to use...

I talked to her about the Big Bend book... and then I told her about the other book I want to write... pretty much a raw look at my journal entries and my art and how they both evolved during my grieving process... She strongly suggested that I work on the art/grief book first...

I'd like to, but it still seems so raw... and sometimes like it's still unfinished because I'm still in the process, sometimes it seems so far away, and yet some of the emotions are still raw... but maybe she's right...

I also met up with Rev and talked to him about getting hooked up in the marketing loop here in Austin. It's doable... and he has his other company pictureperfecteventco.com which is a full service company for events... nationwide. I'm looking forward to working with him....

So, a lot to do... more to do... I'm still at the gathering information stage... all's great though... things seem to be coming together more and more...

Chillin' at the holiday inn.....

I've had a lot of dreams where a mattress played a big roll.... one time I flew out of a window on a mattress... another time I took a pic with my cell of a burning mattress to send to Kel.... So i looked up what dreaming of mattresses means....

"Mattress

To dream of a mattress, denotes that new duties and responsibilities will shortly be assumed."

Okay... so that maybe pretty accurate...

Cassie and I had a blast this weekend. It was so good to see her... We had a great time and laughed a lot! We always do... and she loves Austin so much, she's most probably likely to move here too! yay!

We also decided to tell everyone that we were gonna watch the "big basketball game" (the super bowl).... my dad thought I really didn't know that the Super Bowl wasn't basketball... I think he wanted to commit me... ha! but now he knows that it was a joke...

.... but we didn't watch it at all! We relaxed at the lakehouse, cass made dinner and her parents drove over to meet us and have dinner with us... I'll post more pics and stories later...

We spent two nights at the Intercontinental in Austin... and one night at the lakehouse.... then her flight was cancelled yesterday, because a woman on the plane had a panic attack and used 3 of the 5 oxygen tanks on the plane.... so she was put up at the Holiday Inn... "whatcha doin?" "Chillin' at the holiday innnnn...." Funny because we'd been singing that song all weekend!

So, now i'm in Austin, trying to get some networking done and getting the ball rolling on my move here...

So much to think about... so many options... I've gotta get them narrowed down....

okay... off to returning calls and emails... and every other form of communication via technology....