Another "Notes to Self"

I'm back in Midland, but I've spent the last few weeks in Austin, "feeling it out"... but not ready to make a commitment to moving... I guess I was waiting for my pumpkin to be turned into a carriage or something.... but then, it was brought to my attention..... and I realized: I have to decide.... make a decision even if it's scary and there is no fairy godmother involved.....

So, I found a place, in Austin.... In the neighborhood I like.... its a SMALL studio apartment.... (400 sq ft).... but you know what? I don't need "stuff".... there's NO safety in objects... Or ideas, plans or people... so I think this will be a good thing for me..

i'm back in Midland now.... with my pups.. and family....

My B-day is on Lundi Gras this year.... so, my parents used their airline credits and (AWWWWW YEAH) I'm headed down to NOLA for Carnival time! It'll be good.... I haven't seen my friends there in years.... and Mardi Gras is my favorite holiday.... i just don't know what I should be (costume-wise)..... We'll see.... I'm excited to go there!

Soooo... Since it's late and I'm tired...

I thought I'd do another "notes to self" segment..... (the random notes I write myself on my phone.... but I usually forget I wrote):

50
Arachnidiot: A person who accidentally wanders into an "invisible" spider web and begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

(yes I've done that.... and seen others do it too.... I copied this down from the Galaxy Cafe)

Hawaii
(seen in Kauai)

Mele Kalikimaka

"Drifted objects tumbled pieces of life, only the strongest reach the shore to be found and transformed, abstract representations of life lived." (quote from an artist at Little Tsunami Tattoo)

I Need

Someone to tell me to "go to bed" at a decent hour.... Being a night person has its darkside, especially when you're trying to live on the light side. Some hate the moon.... I tend to lean towards the side that hates the sun...f mornings!!!

Is it possible?
If i sleep in my scarf, could I accidentally strangle myself in my sleep?

Love:
I'm in love:
With what love gives
and what it takes.
Giving myself love,
Giving to love...
In the end:
It all goes back to love....
We all return to love.....

Nothing:
I don't have anything earth-shattering to say;
Nothing amazing to say...
I just have my thoughts,
my voice,
my one voice in the sea of billions,
my one voice in the history of trillions
of life stories.....
past, present, future...

One More
One more cigarette.
One more time.
One more minute.
One more chance to say what I wanted to.....
What I meant to.
Just one more.
.... and then another one.

What?!
Huh?
What?
Huh?
What?
Sorry, I don't hear well....
....{these are} conversations i have.....

Trials and Errors

Crazy day!

I'm in Dallas. Met with the scanner.... then the printer....

I started to freak out and tried to call Carley about tomorrow's show at The Gypsy Wagon, but couldn't get ahold of her... She was very pregnant. That's why we decided to do the show this weekend and not any later...

I couldn't get ahold of her because she had her baby today! He decided he wanted an early arrival. I'm so happy for she and her husband. I talked to them on the phone and they sound excited and great! ... I felt bad asking her about the show... and what to do, and how to price and everything.... just even bringing it up today.... She won't be able to be there tomorrow... I'm really happy for them... everything will go fine tomorrow.... (I'm trying to convince myself)

Just a little while ago, I began finishing another piece..... DISASTER!

I dropped it and it cracked.... quite a bit.... but I'm using lacquer to seal the cracks., and I'm crossing my fingers that that will work.... So I started to work on the background.... and lacquer the paper to the piece of glass I'm going to attach to the back of the other piece... I wouldn't stick! not at all! UGH!

So frustrating!

So now I've got a board and an axe on the board holding it down, so hopefully it will stick... If not, I'm taking that axe to the whole thing!


I no patience waiting for things to dry (like glue, lacquer.... even paint).... I've said this before: when I'm making art, I'm all about instant gratification.

Lacquer takes a L-O-N-G time to dry... that's why I'm inside blogging.... releasing a little frustration and taking up time, so I don't just sit there and stare at it....

I really don't want to lose this piece... I like this piece... I'm really hoping what I'm doing now will fix it.

hello.... goodnight

My mind is going crazy.... I'm tired but cant sleep...

I hope I have everything together for Friday... I didn't paint today... I picked up my prints and bought some frames and worked to put some of the finishing touches on a few pieces... I still have more to do..

It's not that it's a big show... it's gonna be very laid back, just more of a preview and meet and greet... but, I'm trying to get so much done.... because after this weekend I start to look for a place to live and a job of some sort in Austin.

I also have my first solo show at the Magnolia Gallery in Dallas this summer! YAY!

so, I'd like to have some work finished for that show... because after I move (and I'm working and getting settled and adjusted and all of that fun stuff), I don't know where I'll be able to paint.... I'm thinking too far ahead.... Sometimes I've gotta just pull myself back into the present...

okay... back.

We have a new president!!! America just became a much cooler country!

Alright, goodnight!

Moth balls? no....

My mom and I went and saw Bride Wars today... as she said, "It was no Gran Torino" .... unfortunately, I haven't seen Gran Torino yet... so, I can't compare, but can only imagine...

Actually, the main reason we went to go see Bride Wars was our friend Michael Arden is in it! He's great (as always)... and plays Kate Hudson's assistant/Mr. of Honor....

After that, it was time for business... <:o)E

I did a little work on the chandelier piece... it seemed like it lacked definition and outline towards the top of the piece... and I also just worked on the moth... but the change is SO slight, that even if I were to point it out, I'm not sure anyone (except for me) would be able to see it.

I did take the Girl with the hood.... (orange hood... green background...) ... remember how attached to her I was?!

Yeah, Well.... i painted the whole thing read and orange and purple!

I felt so much better once I painted over her!

I really like the moth painting.. and I like what moths personally symbolize to me.... Part of that is: searching for a light in the darkness....

That means a lot to me... searching... seeking... wanting to find the light... the strength... all of that has been part of my "new life" in the last year...

I thought i may do a moth series... (there are SOOO many GORGEOUS moths!) ... i still love moths SO much more than butterflies...

butterflies? ... *yawn*...

I bought a book in Austin at a thrift store on Lamar (not Salvation Army... but similar)... and I took the book and cut out hexagons to stick on the wood board (with matte medium) and then I painted the moth... simple... but it takes a LONG time



This piece has a WAYS to go... I want to make the bottom wings larger.... and look more like owl eyes... (that's what I think they look like...)


Okay.... so tomorrow (today)... Barak Obama is our new President! it's a new day! and I'll be working on the same moth from yesterday... but that's okay.... hey, that rhymes!

PPS... I still have NOT found a way to frame and hang this piece....



there's more...

Ahhhhh.... much better...

YAY!

i've finally gotten into the "flow" and I'm making stuff that I LIKE and finishing it! wow.... it's been a long time... or at least it feels like it's been a long time since I've done that...

Today, I put the encaustics, wax and collage stuff away, and broke out the acrylic paints.... good ol' trusty acrylics....

And i finished the chandelier:


(I think it looks better in real life than this pic... but that's just my opinion)

and, on the piece that I collaged the hexagon dress patterns, I decided I wanted a moth... (I've had a love for moths since this summer in North Carolina... I like them so much better than butterflies...)... not just any moth, but one of the silk worm moths... so using these "mothels" (okay... bad joke...).... I used these moths to model my moth after:


And this is what it looked like in process:


I still have more work to do.... I'm trying to keep it somewhat transparent... using very watered down paints... but I also want it to be bright... it could take a while:


Both pieces are about 24"x24"..... so i'm also glad that I have work that's larger than I usually do...

I also am high on the feeling of accomplishment (meaning: actually finishing a piece that I like).....

And i like both pieces.... and I like them enough to where I don't really care if I'm the only person in the world who likes them... (of course I want other people to like them), but they say what I want them to say... and mean something to me... and I like them... and that feels fantastic!



I watched the first American Idol tonight... I love that show!


Another show I love is the Daily Show... This episode (before "super tuesday" in 2000) is appropriate, for several reasons:

a. this is before Bush became President... and right now he's about to become a former President

b. This is about Midland (where I am now)

c. This is about Cooties... and unless you're vaccinated (circle circle dot dot)... you may be infected ... although boys are at a higher risk for cooties than girls are....

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Cootie Scandal

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

My not-so-"elegant" creative process

I stayed up too late last night... My time schedule is OFF...

I wish I was a morning person... I've always wanted to be a morning person... but I'm not. I've never been one. Actually, I've been known to be such an awful morning (or just waking up) person, that my siblings won't even try to wake me up...

I'm a night person... I'm more creative at night... I work better in the late afternoon and on... I don't know why... It's just how I am.

I went horseback riding this afternoon... luckily, I wasn't the only one who was out-of-shape... The horse I rode, Molly, had been taking it easy over the holidays too... We were quite a pair.... lazy horse meets out-of-shape rider (me).... I'm going again on Thursday... maybe we'll both be better by then.

I took 7 of my new paintings to Reynolds Brothers (a reprographics place in Midland), they were very nice.... I'm having one of each piece printed on canvas... I'm not sure how the encaustics are going to look printed... but I can always paint on the canvas too.

Then I did a little shopping: vellum, india ink (which works on wax- much better than black acrylic paint), iron-on paper for t-shirts (I can put the sheets in my printer)..... I'm not sure if the iron-ons will work when I try to iron them on wax... but it can't hurt to try... I also bought some fantastic new colors of Sharpies that I've never seen before!

I'm a little sad that I'm so excited that Sharpie has new colors, like Pomegranate and Earl Grey... but I'm very excited!

Then I went home and went to work.... I mainly worked on that one collage that I couldn't stand yesterday..... after many different tries with different ideas, this is what it looks like now:


There is too much of the wax medium on it... so it looks cloudy in places... and I'm going to add white in areas to brighten it up.... but i'm starting to like it a lot better.

I pretty much only worked on that piece...

But I moved the moth (that I love SO much) around some more. I also seem to really like that doily too... I don't know why though, I think it's ugly. Maybe the moth likes it!.... the chandelier, doily and the moth are just placed on this background... It's how I try an idea before I commit to putting them on the background... I like to move stuff around to see what it could look like:



and then I played with this piece a bit too... I LOVE the background and the tree (I maybe a little too attached to them), but I placed a sparrow drawing I did last year, and a butterfly on it...



and then I thought, it might be cool to do something with the moon cycle.... I'd cut out the moons, of course.....



That's how I work... I place things, and then stare at them forever, then change my mind... and then place something else and stare at it, and then change my mind.... i wish I had a more "elegant" technique... but, alas.... i don't....

I'm working on moving to Austin... more opportunities for me there... and it's close to Dallas, still close to family, and I have friends there... After I get all this stuff done for The Gypsy Wagon show on the 23rd, I'll work on it more... but I did send out my resume today... I want to write... or get back in contract work and field marketing for a bit, so I can still work on my art and writing.

productivity and a new pink camera = happiness!

I was so productive today!

I think, by letting some pressure out of my head, and into my planner, and blog, and journal, I feel sooo much better!

One thing I did that makes me REALLY happy: I returned that Canon-Elph-whatever-crap camera and bought a Sony Cybershot! It was the second time I've been to BestBuy and tried to return it... they all remembered me. They asked me what was wrong with it... I told them "everything! I hate everything about it!"... of course they were shocked... (news to me but:) It seems that NO ONE (except me) hates Canons... They said it was my fault... It could be, I'm not good at following directions... or reading them... but I exchanged it anyway... and I love my new camera! The pics I've taken look awesome! plus it's pink! Who doesn't love a pink camera?!?

I found a reprographics place in Midland (Reynolds Brothers) ... I talked to them on the phone and I'm gonna go and check it out tomorrow...

I also bought a griddle and a small blow torch..... as well as some paraffin wax.... So, I'm back to encaustic painting... for real!
Paraffin wax cleans the colored wax off of brushes... but I've also noticed that it thins the medium even more, making the wax more like paint... and it's good for delicate things like leaves and butterfly wings, without making them too waxy.... and cloudy...

I've even started to make my usual encaustic studio mess!


I also start riding horses again tomorrow... maybe I'll bring my new fancy camera and get some pics!

So, i pulled out all of the work that I think is done... and some of the stuff I'm still working on... and some that I shouldn't keep working on but can't help myself....

This little owl is on cardboard... he's about a 5x7... I'm gonna use him.. I like him more and more...


The background of this piece, I started before I left for North Carolina last May... I tried (and failed) to do some stuff with resin... but today, I added the other stuff on top.... It's not done... I'm not sure if I like it at all... Cas suggested that I add a moon... which I'll try tomorrow...


This was another "Bird and Key".... but it was bugging me... So I've been trying to get crafty with it... I found this moth... I LOVE this moth... and on this color background... the moth and doily are just placed on top.... not attached yet... just an option that I'm considering...


I've been working on this piece with the chandelier for a YEAR now... I added the black wash over the whole piece and have been staring at it for months... today, I painted the chandelier in a light wash of a bright red...


People who know me well, know that I can't stand being told what I can and can't do... It's not that I try to be rebellious... I just have to find out for myself... and a lot of the time, that means "the hard way".... well... In our encaustic class, I was told, "you can't paint acrylic over oil paint"... well... I had done that... It TOTALLY sucked and was REALLY difficult.... but I had done it (once)... We were also told, you can't paint acrylic over wax... well, today, I broke that rule and had to try it out... and so far so good... I'm really pleased with the result...

This is a painting I'd been working on for a while... I decided the heart needed a heart shape around it in string... then I added the flames/triangles/points around the right side... and then I used black acrylic paint *gasp!*, on the inside of the heart.... to make it pop a bit.... that worked so well, that I used the same paint on the bird in areas...

The only thing that is bugging me about this piece is the wax looks so cloudy... and dulls the black and the pattern... but overall I'm happy with it... and I'm glad I don't always believe what people tell me!


I'm not sure what people are going to think of my new work... it's different than what I was doing before.... much more collage, and experimentation... i may go back to acrylics at some point... they're predictable and easy to add on top of... but maybe I wont... But I think I will... at least more than I'm using them now...

more holidaze...

Doggie Christmas! Jake (top) and Dylan (bottom) loved their Christmas presents... Jake's didn't last very long... Dylan fell asleep under the table guarding his!


So we've all been together since the 23rd... When I flew in from Hawaii... and Kel flew in from Maine... talk about the opposite sides of the US... probably as opposite as you can get...

We all went to Christmas Eve service together, and sang hymns at church.... J and Dad were having a sing-off on one side of the pew.... and on the other side, Grandma was unintentionally cracking Kel and me up.... it was classic and awesome...

I got home and wrapped gifts... our dad is the gift wrapping master! I mean, he has it down to a science... probably because he's an engineer.... My gifts look more like I wrapped them wearing a blindfold... but they're meant to be opened anyways...

We open gifts on Christmas morning:


My gifts were all from my trip to Kauai: I gave Dad and J each Hawaiian shirts, and gave mom, kel, and B pearls. I gave Grandma a Hot Men of Hawaii 2009 Calendar.... She ooh-ed and aw-ed looking through each month... She liked February's "Carlos" the best.... When mom suggested she re-gift the calendar, she replied, "Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look!"

She cracks us up... The Hot Men of Hawaii calendar, was actually to replace her 2008 "hot firemen" calendar that's in her kitchen now.

Kelly brought back gifts from her trip to India: J and Dad got the white outfits the men wear (I don't know what they're called), and Saris for me and B.

Me in all of my X-mas Bling:


It's been great being all together... I've had two weird nights though.... last night, and Christmas night, I woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks... I don't know why either...

The first time it happened, I thought it may have been bad dreams... Poor kel was sharing the upstairs bed with me, and she said I was kicking her in my sleep, before I woke up. Last night, she was sleeping downstairs... but I was awake for 3 hours with a panic attack.... I knew what it was... so I was able to calm myself, but my pulse was thumping hard in everyplace that you can usually feel a pulse: fingers, wrists, neck, chest, stomach, even my legs and feet.

I don't know what it is... maybe it's dietary... I have been eating non-stop... I've decided to try to watch what I'm eating and not drink alcohol for a few days...

I missed church with the family today... J and his friend performed "Little Drummer Boy" David Bowie and Bing Crosby style... (I have to admit until just now, I thought it was "ben" not "bing"... oops):


Tonight, kel is cooking Indian and people are coming over, we are going to wear our Saris and she and Matt are going to show us pics from their trip....

Part 2: Monday

Monday, we woke up really early and drove to go on our helicopter tour.



The tour company we went with is called Inter Island (that's also the link to their site).... the locals said they are the best. They take you inside the crater and into the jungle and land near a waterfall for lunch... The tour is from 9:30 to noon... it's expensive, but %100 worth it!

I have been a lot of places, and done a lot of things... but this helicopter tour of Kauai was probably the most amazing experience I've ever had. I was completely speechless.... I still kind of am....

Have you ever had a flying dream? I do... and have.... the whole ride gave me deja vu....

We started out flying over the sugar cane fields... and then up toward the canyon.... all of a sudden we were in the canyon... It's so massive and so incredibly beautiful... the whole time, i sat there with my jaw in my lap, in awe of how absolutely incredible Kauai is... and everything is....


here are some of our pictures from the helicopter... (since I have no words... I'll just post some pics)







there are no doors on the helicopter.... and I was sitting on the far right... so my right side was so cold!

There was a couple from Minnesota who were with us... The helicopter only seats 5. I asked the Captain what his name was, he replied, "CAPT.!" ....okay... he was a trip. He kept telling us about the "dope-growing hippies" and how he busts them.... or flies really low over the "dope fields" to freak them out.... and that's why the helicopter has a shark face painted on it....


Was that true? I don't know... He was funny, or at least I thought he was trying to be funny... but now, I'm not sure...

He also told us about movies that were filmed on the Island... like the movie Tropic Thunder (with Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr...)... When we landed in the jungle and followed him to the waterfall, I felt like I was in that movie... pretty funny.

The waterfall was so beautiful, that it seemed fake... like a movie set... We brought our swimsuits so we could swim, but the thought of getting back in the helicopter, wet and cold didn't sound fun.... so we just sat there and took it all in...



Capt. told us more stories of people skinny dipping and honeymooning couples doing more than that, in the waterfall... and how he would just go back and wait for them by the helicopter...

He took us around the whole island, into craters and by waterfalls... like the one used in Jurassic Park...

I can't even put into words how beautiful it was.... Kauai may be the most beautiful place on earth... and to see it flying around in a helicopter.... wow. that's all I can say is wow....







It makes me want to learn how to fly a helicopter... and become a pilot. There is so much freedom in a helicopter.... you can fly low, or high, take sharp turns, change direction in a second and land on a spot.... just like when I fly in my dreams.

I wasn't scared until we took off.. and I got a little scared, but then I wasn't scared as much as I was speechless and in awe... it seemed so surreal...


After our helicopter tour, we went to Glass Beach... There used to be a dump there, so the sand is really old pieces of glass that has been tumbled... I collected a bottle of the glass "sand" to bring back (maybe art project???)...

And bek found her rainbow!


That night we went to the airport... and flew out of Lihu'e at 9:45pm...

What an amazing trip! i had an incredible experience.... beaches, mountains... roosters EVERYWHERE (that cockadoodledoo at all of the wrong times), the helicopter ride, the canyon, camping, meeting new people, kayaking, hiking... WOW! Bek was a fantastic travel buddy! thank you thank you thank you for inviting me on this trip.... It was an experience that I'll never forget!

Here are some random images from our trip that I thought I'd include:

um... i felt like a whale when I ate... watch for me!


"Why did the chicken cross the road?"


Strange and scary combo....and there were more than one of this restaurant... so it's a chain! I have to say, we never tried it:







The time is always: NOW!

waitin for a plane

My flight is delayed. But only an hour late, and my flight to Dallas is only an hour.

I managed to get all of my laundry and packing done. I always worry I'm overpacking. I hate it when I only wear %10 of what I pack.

So lately I underpack. But I feel like I've been wearing the same clothes for 6 months now... Maybe longer than that... The same clothes for a year.

I always said I'd never buy or wear uggs, crocks, or birkenstocks... It's funny that those are the 3 pairs of shoes I've lived in for a year.

Sitting in the airport, waiting, I wonder: how can some people carry on phone conversations as if no one can hear them. Like they are oblivious to the airport noises, intercom and everyone else. I can't do that. I jump every time the intercom comes on.

I just ate a Balance nutritional energy bar. It was so gross! I couldn't get even half of it down even when I chased every bite with a ton of diet coke. Blugh!

My plane should be here soon. I'm gonna binge on tabloid magazines now...

TNLC "bitchin'" party!

So, I made the rounds in Dallas (as much as I could...) Tried to see as many people as possible, but I never have enough time... at least it seems. I also don't have time to blog... not so much that I don't have "time" but my brain is constantly organizing and planning what I'm doing next.... who I'm gonna see next, where I'm gonna go next, what I need to do and have to do... and would like to do.... so, my brain doesn't calm down enough for me to be able to focus enough to write....



Last night was the Tuesday Night Ladies Club white elephant gift and ornament exchange.... There were more girls this year... more hilarious gifts.... Let's see.... One of the most stolen gifts was a gnome, two glasses (with funny sayings on them) and a shrinky dink necklace, Sara brought that, and I stole it! HA! So, now I have the Gnome, and it has a fabulous new home at Shangri La in Austin!


Another Hi-LAR-I-OUS gift was a Twilight t-shirt with my brother on it.... HA! a character shirt of "Jasper".... which was also stolen... and coveted... too funny!


Cris brought a "bitchin'" jacket.... when she bought it, the guy at the thrift store asked if her friends had a sense of humor, and after she told him about the vagina coloring book (that was a gift last year), he said.... "yes, they must" ... and then he described the jacket as bitchin'..... after I saw it, there was NO other word I could think to describe it! Kim ended up with it....


Cris got the Urbandictionary.com 2009 calendar that I brought... which is perfect for her... maybe it'll help her understand and talk to her 7th and 8th grade students.

Sara and I did our customary stupid party pics.... of course....


And this one was taken at a party last March... (you can see we do this regularly! ... ha!)


Much much fun! So glad I could see everyone!

I'm in Austin now.... Need to clear my head... and start shopping and getting back to writing... and ready for my trip... I'll post more later!