a strange sighting...

I saw a white squirrel this morning... well, not ENTIRELY white... it had a brown tail and brown face... I thought... could they be cross-breeding with opossums? I've heard of albino squirrels... but not brown and white... and not in Dallas, TX...

Dylan ran and chased him off... but he hung out on the telephone poll... I was able to snap this pic with my phone:


Is there a superstition? or folk lore? anyone know? Maybe it's just a sign that I need to paint a white squirrel!

I've been able to get a lot accomplished in Dallas... not as much as I'd hoped... but maybe that was overly ambitious. But I'll be coming back, and in Midland, I'll be able to settle down... unpack, de-clutter and organize myself, my to-do list and my head.

I was able to get a lot of my art stuff out of storage... now all i need is a griddle, and I can start encaustic painting again... Also, I'm itching to get started on the Big Bend collaboration project with Justin Voight.

tomorrow: austin.

I'll be back for Art Conspiracy (dec 6th) again this year... It was great last year. This year Jayme and I are going to collaborate one a piece for the auction.

listening to my body

So, today, while I was stressed and running around like crazy.... I made a decision!

I'm doing what I have to do, then leaving dallas for austin, then going to midland... I realized today that I'm not leaving Dallas forever... I can come back next week... or the next.... or whenever... It's not that far away, and I don't have to stress myself out so much... There are people I love and want to see that I won't be able to on this trip... jeez, i haven't even been returning emails, calls or texts... not because I'm SOOO popular, but because I'm soooo busy...and staying focused sometimes means not even looking at my phone or email! i used to think i was a good multi-tasker... maybe I'm not anymore....

I have the Elton John song "Levon" in my head right now... don't know why... except that Sara and i played it (and sang it) at the top of our lungs) driving to Austin last weekend.

I had my picture taken today for the interview I did with the Dallas Morning News (about my art)... I wish I had more art... a piece for everyone who wanted one... but i dont... i only have what i make .. and i'm glad the demand is there... i just wish the supply was there too... that's what I'll be doing in midland...

I plan.... (keyword: PLAN) to wake up early and write more tomorrow... I'm really tired (again)... the last time I was really tired, and didn't listen to my body, I got sick.... I'm starting to feel exhausted all of the time, again... need to listen to my body...

I need to blog to tell ya'll about the DMN article, the "What are you wrapped up in" series by Tiff that Hal took pics of me for... and just where I am in general....

but ... so sleepy... need my zzzzz's...

tomorrow?

better late than never!

Alrighty....

my traveling has kept me away from my "to do" list that is only possible to do in Dallas...

now that i'm moving to midland.. I'm here and trying to get months worth of things done in a few days...

I'm trying to see everyone... take care of business (really)....

But i want to catch everyone up todate... last weekend I went to Austin (or near Austin) with Sara Cris Aubrey and Chris... we signed up for the Cypress Valley Canopy Tours... it's a zip-lining course... it was so fun. A great experience, not as scary... and we were high up, but when i got up there, it wasn't as scary.... There were 5 of us, 2 guides/instructors, and two girls who made us look really good! They were from Lubbock, but somehow got lost for 5 hours and had to join our tour... seriously... they made us look like fast-learner-super-athletes! and even though they slowed us down timewise... i'm glad they were there.... for me (ego-wise)....

all kidding aside, it was really fun.

We all stayed at the lakehouse that night... I hadn't had a chance to visit with them for a while... I'm so glad i did...

i love all of them... they are the real deal, dear friends..

the next day, Olospo played at a campsite near Dripping Springs... i brought Dylan... he ran and played and passed out while the band played, on his dog bed, under a towel... (he's like a parrot... put a blanket on him... and he's out.....)

later, i was tired and hungry so I drove in to Austin, saw Mons's new awesome pad and then met up with Charlie and Ash.... so good to see them!

(and we took a lot of pics! look! here's sara holding two cameras!)

i'm glad i have internet tonight... i have more to write... but i'm going to separate it into several blogs... so no one gets overwhelmed.... well... i mean, me...


Love

So fast

The last five days have been a blur... I have so many photos and so much to write...

I'll give a brief update... and I'll add more later...

thursday night I went to the Sorta CD release at House of Blues with Hilary... It was wonderful to see everyone...

Friday, I left and went to Austin.. Sara, Cris, Aubrey and Chris and I all went zip lining...

Saturday we saw Olospo play... Sunday I was EXHAUSTED! and did a photo shoot with Tiff and Hal Samples last night...

Today I met with Brittany, she works for Daily Candy and the Dallas Morning News .. I just finished my interview with her...

i have much more I'll be writing about each one... I have so much to do the next few days and so many people to see..

It's going by so fast... such a blur... i want to enjoy everything and everyone.. but I can't until I stop and catch my breath...

I promise to fill in the details (with pics and all!) soon... It's been a blur... but an amazing blur.

love,
r

synchronicity.

Are there coincidences or are all coincidences signs; synchronicity...

Who knows... maybe I'm more alert and awake... maybe it's just because I believe... i don't know...

The other day I had a deep conversation with Steve, about signs, what I've learned and seen and continue to... he told me that my signs reminded him of a book, "A Severe Mercy" ... He sent me a link to the book on Amazon.com...

This is a brief synopsis from the review on Amazon.com:

After her death Sheldon embarks on an intense experience of grief, "to find the meaning of it, taste the whole of it ... to learn from sorrow whatever it had to teach." Through painstaking reveries, he comes to discover the meaning of "a mercy as severe as death, a severity as merciful as love." He learns that her death "had these results: It brought me as nothing else could do to know and end my jealously of God. It saved her faith from assault. ...And it saved our love from perishing."

When looked into it, I read the review (which is all too familiar) and the cover of the book stopped me: Ii thought I'd stayed up too late, or was crazy, but the man on the cover resembled C... the couple resembled me and C... I've been reassured by friends that I was not crazy... they see it too...


Today I saw my dear friend Kristin... she bought me a print from an artist. The artist is Brian Andreas... the print is called "More Fair"

She found it at a gallery in Galveston a week before it was destroyed by Ike... the print says:

"They left me with your shadow,
saying things like: Life is not fair

& I believed them for a long time.

But today, I remembered the way you laughed
& the heat of your hand in mine...
& I knew that life is more fair than we can ever imagine...

if we are there to live it."

The song, the book, the gift... they're all gifts.... gifts of knowledge that we are all connected... that we are all connected by God, by love... that's all we need... that's all we came with, and that's all we leave with...

thank you to my beautiful friends.

I'm in Dallas for tomorrow's Sorta CD release show... I'm glad, but nervous... then I go to Austin.. then back to Dallas for several days of appointments.. and such...

Busy. busy...

Stuff that moves me

A few things that i think are funny

So.... i HATE "bright eyes" (the band) .... but the lead singer (Connor Oberst), his CD is my new favorite... i love his song where he sings "there's nothing that the road cannot heal"..... so good. i think his solo cd will, could and has converted the "non-emo" kids...

I should write about something artsy, or dark .... or political...but... i just want to share this hilarious and clever youtube.com video instead (not political at all... I'm anti-politics at the moment):




The next video made me bawl.. and spoke to me and is my song.... yet, bigger than i (or any human mind) can comprehend




Sometimes I type too late at night... when I'm tired, emotional, mushy... and then the next day I want to edit (sometimes have to due to typos and stuff)... I think what I was trying to say is: 1. Connor Oberst's CD is really good, I've been listening to it a lot... 2. The clever Barrak youtube is funny... 3. I love the way KT Tunstall sings her "Throw me a rope" song... that song is amazing... I love it.

That, I hope is in clearer english...

New eyes... and mannequin parts

I'm really getting excited to be here in Midland for a while... What was holding me back for so long? I guess it was Pride, (I mean it in a 7 deadly sins way... not a good way)...

When my family moved to Midland, I was 16... I had to leave my friends and boyfriend to move to Midland, and unsure if I'd actually be able to have my junior and senior high school years together, in one city, I skipped my junior year. I started school in Midland as a senior, with one goal: GET OUT of Midland as SOON as possible... and I did. I never thought my family would settle down anywhere, especially not Midland... So, I've always had a 16 year-old's negative gotta-get-outta-here-ASAP attitude about Midland and everything Midland. I'm just sorry it's taken me until this week to realize it.

I've always wanted to PROVE myself as a self sufficient adult... and I have been (sometimes better than others... my past good and bad decisions prove that)...

My world fell apart when Carter was killed... I lost my best friend, my lover, our plans, my plans, our future, my view about life and everything, my home, my sense of safety, security, self confidence... I guess, I lost me and my place.

I had to surrender... and did, and I've gained and learned and I'm re-establishing... but i had one last hold out... like Custer, I had my last stand... that that was "no way, no how, not ever will I move to Midland and live with my parents"... that was Pride... now that I've let go of that, humbled myself, and accepted that it's for the best... well, Now I'm excited, and I'm able to enjoy it... I plan to experience this, not like an angry 16 yr old, but as me now. I'm pretty happy with that.
(photo by Justin Voight)

Now for the artsy stuff:

I've been so excited, that I've started to get to work on ideas (a HUGE book full of stream of consciousness ideas and writings), I did a little shopping...

Mervyn's in Midland is closing... I went there to find an electric griddle (which I didn't... but if anyone has one that they want to get rid of, please let me know).. But everything there is for sale... displays, and even trash cans! So, I bought some mannequin parts! AWWW YEAH! Installation sculptural art! and I've got ideas kickin' already.


I also bought a projector.... and got to work on different transfer techniques... all trial and error...


I think by the time we get the photos, art and sculpture together, we'll be able to put out our book!

My idea is to have a show at a gallery to release the book and art.... Maybe even in a few cities... like Oklahoma City, Dallas, Midland, Austin, Marfa... or more or less... But I think it would be a great idea...

We'll have to look for galleries... or space to exhibit... or if anyone knows of one, lemme know... even though it won't be ready til at LEAST next spring, it doesn't hurt to start thinking about it now...

yay!

Finding space and place

Just incase you thought I was kidding about how much crap we carried Miles and miles high, up to 7000 ft.... Here's a picture from the Hike-a-thon! by my dear friend Justin Voight (www.JustinVoight.com)


i make a good hobo, eh? (except that we were only camping one night!)


i went to the doctor here in Midland yesterday... He thinks I have pneumonia or bronchitis and pneumonia... But i got a shot in the butt and a z-pack (along with a "CYA" x-ray), so, I am now, officially on the road to recovery!

Actually, today I feel much MUCH better!

I've had a chance to look over Justin's AMAZING and INCREDIBLE photos from our West Texas trip and I have a TON of ideas of what I can do.... and (unlike yesterday) I have the energy to start working on some of them...

Last night, I started to feel like I had some energy... and I wanted to do something creative, so i decided I would pull a couple books off of the bookshelf and draw something from each cover... and then creativity kicked in.... I call this one Hamlet and Ophelia:

i started to read Hamlet, and then started writing different parts of the script as background...

I decided today that would be a good way to start on some ideas for our book.... so, I took some of Justin's photos and drew something from each one.. it needs something more but here's the idea:


And then I add: (I had to paste in two because I took this pic with my phone):




I need to get a projector next week... and then I'll start working LARGE... I also need a griddle so I can do more encaustic!

I'm starting to really see our book idea materialize... just not in the way i had imagined.... but a more unique and interesting way (at least I think so).

My parents have been wonderful... so welcoming and excited to have me here... I'm thankful... and blessed. i think the only "debbie downer" here is me... I had been putting off the inevitable as long as possible, scheduling trip after trip... so I wouldn't have to make a decision of when traveling stopped and life started again... Lately, the thought of living life is so much scarier to me than dying.

I've always been self-sufficient... i never thought I would be almost 30 and moving back in with my parents... I think I prided myself (wrongly and to a fault) on not being one of "those people"... well, now I am one of those people... and I have two choices: A. to fight it and cause friction because "I'm better than living with my parents" (which I'm not.. or maybe I am... I just need help and that's what family is for).... or b. realize that THIS is exactly where I'm supposed to be at this point in time... and it may be what is best for our relationship, for them and for me... I'm gonna go for choice B... unfortunately choice A likes to sneak in the back of my head and make things difficult...

Dear Choice A,
F- OFF!
Love,
Ryann

If only it were that easy...

i really do think this is going to be the best thing for me right now, for a while... and I'm excited! i've already started to set up my studio in the spare room! :)

getting better

(My cell phone has been dead for two days... email is the best way to get in touch with me...)

I'm still in Midland... Still sick.... or recovering from being sick. I got hit hard with whatever that was ... yuck.

The end of this Big Bend trip is a hard one for me... I don't have any other trips planned... at least not big ones... I guess I was escaping some... or a lot...

Some escaping, I think, is okay... but eventually, I'm gonna have to make some decisions ... and that eventually is now...

I'm moving home with my parents in west Texas for a while. I'd never thought I would... they probably never thought I would either... but, right now it makes the most sense... and they'll let me... and I need them. I've gotta make a few trips to Dallas and Austin...

I'm feeling better so i'll start blogging more, again.

This is my favorite illustration of what to do if you see a bear:

back from bend.... recovering...

i'm back in Midland.... I'm sick.... yuck... a cold and no voice....

I'll write more later... I just took some nyquil and I'm about to fall over...

the trip was amazing! I can't wait to get to work on the book and all of my ideas! yay!

I just need to get over whatever this crud is....

Overly ambitious... and heart shaped rocks...

Heart Shaped Rocks! I explain in the last few paragraphs:



So... we made it through Big Bend... Right now we're in Marfa. we just had breakfast at a little coffee shop/juice bar/breakfast place called Squeeze Marfa. I'm listening to the man next to me chatting away on his cell phone in Norwegian... little does he know that I can understand part of his conversation... not very much.. but enough that would shock him. I'd tell him... but I need to type before I get into a conversation.


So... our Big Bend adventure:

On Monday, we left Marathon and headed towards Big Bend. We stopped in Alpine for groceries... and we stopped to take pictures along the way. We stopped in Terlingua Ghost Town.. it's not really a ghost town any more, because people live there... but the remenents of the ghost town are still there. We took pictures of the cemetery and old buildings...

Then the increasingly beautiful drive into Big Bend. Some areas of the park are still flooded and closed... we had no idea how big of a deal the floods were until we talked to locals...

Once we were in the park, we headed up to the Chisos Mountains. We decided to camp one night in the basin, and then spend the next hiking up to the South Rim.

Monday night we grilled out... our camp was visited by a group of 6 Javelinas... they were fine... and nice... they walked right up to us...

The next day we packed our backpacks and headed out on the 6.5 mile hike. We OVER packed... I couldn't even lift my backpack, and Justin's was so heavy that the strap of his ripped and we spent an hour duct taping it... The whole hike was up a mountain... NO RELIEF! It was the hardest thing either one of us has EVER done... I still have NO idea how we made it... we didn't make it to the top... but we made it 3 miles UP and that took us 5 hours! We were more than exhausted... we pitched our tent at the first campsite we came to and slept... for 13 hours! EXHAUSTED!


The next day we left our stuff at the campsite and hiked the rest of the way to the South Rim... it was beautiful. incredible. But we were hurting so bad, I'm not sure if we were able to enjoy it as much. But we did it.

After reading in the Big Bend hiking book about the hike... we realized that we overestimated our hiking abilities... and were overly ambitious... some may say STUPID. The book said it was VERY STRENUOUS but that every hiker "worth his or her salt" will try to hike the South Rim at least once... oops... we are two people who don't even work out! Even the hike down to the basin was so hard... it looked like we were beaten up badly... and we were.

That night we desperately needed showers... so we drove back to Terlingua and stayed at a motel there. Yesterday we woke up and drove back into Big Bend... we did a SHORT .25 mile hike... but mostly drove... a beautiful drive through desert... down to where the road was closed from flooding.

Something AMAZING happened.... I wanted to play Carter's CD for Justin... so we were listening to it and driving. I really felt like I could connect to the environment and the experience.... I felt like I could feel Carter around... We stopped and walked around... I said a little something... something like, if I really feel you, show me... let me find a heart shaped rock...

I'm NOT even kidding: As soon as I said that I looked around and EVERY rock where I was standing was heart shaped! i started to pick them up... Some of them looked heart shaped because of shadows... but a lot WERE heart shaped... they were EVERYWHERE!

I didn't want to tell justin... because I thought he'd think I was nuts... but he walked over when I was taking pictures... I told him, and then I picked one up... he said, "Oh my god! you weren't kidding! that is a heart!"

Here's a picture of one of the rocks:

After that there were hearts everywhere... When we drove into to Marfa, we stopped at a Indian gift shop... they had "Worry Stones" the one on top was a red stone in the shape of a heart! I picked it up... it was the only one that was heart shaped... the other ones weren't in any shape...

wow... I asked... and I got my answer.

The road goes on forever....

...and the party never ends... Seriously... the road goes on FOREVER... hours on a open road.. and not seeing any other cars.. it's insane, especially after driving through New England last month...



After packing up and getting the last necessities (and some arguable necessities) we were on the road. First stop: Monahans Sandhills State Park..

Monahans is amazing... so remote... and white sand dunes that seem to go on forever... i took my shoes off and walked around. We rented a sand disk for a dollar, (which is a disk shaped sled), and I tried it twice... but barely slid... I slid quite a ways on a really steep sand dune... but at really slow speed... I think it's made for kids who weigh nothing.

It was windy and really sandy... but amazing and beautiful. The color contrasts between the sand, the sky, and even the plants... is incredible. It is so remote... we only saw one other car while we were there...

Next we went to the Wickett, TX bluegrass festival... um.... or non-festival... Wickett is a town of 400 people... as it puts the po in podunk. We found the building, but there was no one and no sound.... except the wind across the very flat land... there was a cute little boy standing outside the arts building, blonde hair, wearing jeans and a white wifebeater. I asked him if there was any music.... he just shook his head, no... it was REALLY creepy... Children of the Corn, creepy... the only thing creepier would've been if he said, "yes, inside...." .... yikes. Here's a pic of the building and street of the festival:


To be fair, the website said the festival went on for three days... we got there on the 3rd day... it coulda been hoppin' the first two days... but for some reason, I'm skeptical.

Then we headed towards Big Bend... we stopped in Grandfalls to take pics, and then Marathon, "the place where the pavement ends and the west begins." The drive was AMAZING... SO incredibly beautiful... the landscape is so hard to describe.... it's plains that go on forever... and then Huge random mountains!

Marathon is a really incredible place... We feel like we are in THE west! (we are, but... it's the energy or something)

We are staying at the very nice and very haunted Gage Hotel in Marathon... the employees have been spooking us with ghost stories...

We left to go see the Marfa lights.. I was SHOCKED. I can't believe that something so strange, as lights bouncing around and appearing and disappearing isn't more visited and hasn't been figured out... that's just beyond me...

Tomorrow, More adventure.. but so far, i'm even more impressed than I thought possible... I'm not sure when I'll be able to write next.. so bear (ha!) with me...

here's a pic at dinner at the Gage Hotel... me acting silly (shocker)

Facebook Narcissist? No.... just Schizotypal

So, last week I read an article that talked about narcissism and Facebook. The study cited, claimed that by seeing a persons Facebook or Myspace profile they could determine whether he or she was a narcissist...

So, so I started to wonder.... By looking at my facebook and myspace pages would they think I'm a narcissist???

What is a narcissist:

• Psychology extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

So... i looked up personality disorder tests... I found one... I took it... turns out there is a very low probability of me being a narcissist ... but I have a high probability of being Schizotypal... of all of the personality disorders, that was the only one that came up as me having a "high" level on... Why? Because I believe in intuition and miracles... and things that are unexplainable...

honestly, I don't believe a word, especially since it was a personality disorder test i took online just for fun... but, I do think it's really funny.

This is where it fits in to my day:

I cleaned and packed today... and took two pieces of mine to a juried art show here in Midland (one was a page from my nature journal, and the other was the vase I painted that is reminiscent of the "big mouth bass" singing fish....), Kel has work entered as well... After that, Justin got to Midland.

I was really excited to take him out to Our Lady Guadalupe Catholic church... it's outside, and amazing photo opps...I sketched and he took amazing pics...


as we were leaving, we were talking about our pics and a woman (looked like a nurse, she was wearing scrubs), said, "did you see it pulsating?"

We thought she meant the shrine... no, she meant the sun. She said if you look right at the sun, it pulsates and spins... and it doesn't hurt your eyes. She also told us about pictures she'd taken of the sun... pictures where she'd seen her grandmother... and others where she could see babies in the clouds... and it looked like umbilical cords attached to the sun...

Then she looked at the sun... and said, "it's pulsating now!" Justin and I both tried to see it... and both were blinded... I tried again, and it did look like it was pulsating... but I think it was my retina throbbing...

When we got in the car.. JV and I talked about skepticism and miracles... Was the sun pulsating for me? no.... but it was for her. And I don't doubt that. I took pictures of the moon this summer... they came out EVERYTIME like perfect hearts... the moon wasn't shaped that way that night... i know it was my hands shaking... but it still meant a lot to me... So I guess anyone who believes in miracles is in the Schizotypal group... at least we know we're in good company! :)

Tomorrow we leave for Monahans (for a once a year bluegrass festival!) and Marathon... all these west Texas cities start with M!

We both know this is going to be an amazing trip... EVERYTHING has been falling into place just right.

West Texas

Ahh... west Texas skies... and the road... just a taste of what is to come in the next week... I can't wait.

I've been packing... shopping for art stuff and clothes... tomorrow I drop off Dylan at the kennel... I wish I could take him in my pocket with me everywhere... but he's 60lbs... kinda big... but if I could just make a mini dylan ... and a mini cassie too... to put in my pocket and travel everywhere with me. :)

Justin comes to Midland tomorrow... and then Big Bend... I'll blog more tomorrow...

Getting ready.

I got a lot of much needed resting done this week... I spent the majority of the week down in Lockhart. I'm in Midland now. I've got tomorrow and Saturday to prepare for Big Bend.

I'm excited, and want to get as much out of this experience as possible. I need to make sure that I stick to a schedule of journaling, nature journaling, and drawing.

I'm starting to want to be more settled again. One place, with all of my stuff so I can feel comfortable, and start getting to work... making new work, and finishing the paintings I've started. I just don't know where to go. Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed... it's hard for me to picture myself saying "this is where I want to live" ... I guess I don't need to think of it as such a permanent move.

I need to learn how to make my own frames... that would be helpful... I get %99 done.. and then don't know how to finish...

Tomorrow is clean out the car day! Woo hoo! I haven't cleaned it out since June... It's just gross. I'm pretty sure that my hiking boots are in there somewhere. Since they weren't in my storage unit, they've gotta be in the trunk.. (or maybe the on the floorboard in the back seat)...

My thoughts and planning, and need to organize (or feel organized) is starting to come back to me.

To be honest... I am starting to feel really guilty about not going to Dallas... I'm trying not to totally avoid Dallas... but it's hard going back... after 12 hours I start to feel antsy and feel like I wanna leave, even though i wanna see everyone and I miss my friends.... I miss my friends... I hope everyone understands... I promise, it's not ever a personal thing... and then I feel bad for not seeing anyone... and then I just want to crawl into a communication hole... and not talk to anyone, because I have no excuse for not going to Dallas... actually, I kinda need to go to get stuff out of storage...

I was feeling not so hot... then I thought about the date... it's the 2nd/3rd of the month... every month... same date... I have a mini-stress freak out... when does that go away?

There's a lot of great stuff coming up too! I can't even express how excited I am about this trip, with jv, to big bend, marfa, and the art and nature... :)