I totally wussed out. Yup. I'm at Beech... I got here last night. Why am I so bug-phobic? it's frustrating. Not much will gross me out.. but bugs... and I FLIP out. I've even had someone say to me, "wow, you don't seem like the type of girl to freak out over bugs." I'm not... but I do. I think it's because they're sneaky, and the buzzing sound is like someone giving me a wet willy. i can't stand it.
I went to see the Flat Car Rattlers play, they were great. I talked to one of the guys for a minute... amazing! They didn't know anyone I knew... I thought I knew somebody who knew somebody who knew everyone... My degrees-of-separation average just sky-rocketed... Their music reminded me of the music at a chili cook-off that Troubadour Studios was entered in in Manor, TX a few months ago. I helped the cause and we cooked a white chili, and lost. I told him, "No more white chili. We're not from the North, we're Texans." Which was a reference to the Jimmy Dean Sausage complaint call, that can be found on youtube (funny stuff).
When I was alone in the little cabin in the woods, I was doing good. I needed to get some stuff out of my car, and I told myself, okay don't be scared of bugs, there's nothing to be scared of. And wouldn't you know it, but RIGHT by my leg was the biggest spider I've ever seen. I'm not joking. It was the size of a tarantula, but obviously wasn't one. I stayed away... but was still in shock, and kept thinking there were more.
It was so big, that I got online to research what kind of spider it could be... And I found it, Carolina Wolf Spider one of the largest in North America. I sent M a text (he's still at the beach), and instead of sympathy, or FEAR, he replied, "Say hi to the mice for me. is there anything in the trap by the window?" BLACHGHHHH! I still shiver at the thought.
So I decided, screw this... and I replied, "I'm going to Beech"... His reply: "Awww... kiddo. Really? cuz of bugs?" Mine: "NO. Because of the largest spider in North America and mice."
The drive was good. I've realized a few things... one being: I've been neglecting my spiritual self. Since I started this blog, I don't stream-of-consciousness journal anymore... journaling is what really connects me... so, I need to do both. Also, I need to get back to doing a collage a day, or a drawing or something... I'm gonna start with a collage today, and writing 3 pages in my journal.
One more bug thing and then I'll try to stop: Moths are cool. I found a pink and yellow guy. His little wizard/owl face is so cute! I told someone I thought he should star in his own cartoon show... and she replied, "or at least have his own myspace page." That made me laugh so hard, it still does. Would it be called mothspace?
I've started researching moths and symbolism more and more... they (like me) are nocturnal... (wow, deep thoughts by ryann rathbone)... and they're looking for a light in the dark, also like me.
Can a person have two totem animals? How exactly does that work anyways?