Sunday, July 13, 2008

Deep Dishing

A little of what I've done and what I think...

It rained today... I woke up today after a full 8 hrs of sleep... the first night in a week or so. I don't know why, but I'll go several days or a week or more, not being able to get more than 3-5 hours of sleep/night, and then I'll have a couple of days where I need to sleep for 12, then back to the 3-5. I don't know if this is only since Carter's death, or if it was before too... I don't remember.

Cas, W (or Werdy as Andrew calls him) and I took the silliest pictures last night... We hung out on the porch, talked and listened to music, and then decided to take ridiculous pics! I'll add them when I can. There's one where Cas is jumping and I'm kicking my leg in the air, and it looks like I'm kicking her face (I'm not). Werdy went home today... it was so good to see him... all of us, meeting up, outside of dallas... and doing better.

We went to Brick Oven, a place on the top of Beech Mountain. The employees' shirts said, "Good Food Isn't Cheap; Cheap Food Isn't Good"... how strange is that for a branding slogan?! Especially when the pizza is Chuck-E-Cheese-ish. Maybe instead it should read, "Our Food Isn't Cheap; Driving To Banner Elk For Good Food Isn't Cheap Either" that's a gas price saving slogan... or "Good Food Is Far, So Our Food Isn't Cheap"... Andrew loved playing games in the back of the restaurant... how about, "Not Cheap, But Kid Approved".?

Cas is moving to Florida this week. So really this is the last time we'll be hanging out before our move. I'm sad she's leaving. We laugh so much, and that is so therapeutic. Before she and I started hanging out in Charleston, I hadn't laughed much (at all) since C died. I'm gonna go and visit her though, and I know we'll always be there for each other.

I still think about him and love him everyday, I think about his parents everyday. The loss doesn't get easier... but living has become easier since I've been on the road.

We watched the movie "Catch and Release" tonight. I know I've seen it before... It's a romantic comedy about a girl who's fiance is killed and how she discovers living again. When I watched it before, I just saw it as a really cute romantic comedy. When I watched it tonight, it was much, much more... It was as if I'd never seen that movie. I also listened to a Ron Sexsmith song that I didn't ever "get" before... and finally "got" it. It's strange how differently I see the world now.

I don't know where I'll be in a year from now... or a couple of months from now. But a year ago I thought I knew for sure where I'd be.... and look at me now. So, I'm just still going with the flow... and trying to live, learn, laugh and love as much as possible, each day.

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