Burn Out

Above is a class picture from the second session, Nature Journaling: Art for Nature Freaks class...


Early morning... ugh!

Woke up EARLY today to take R(H)onda to Toe River Service to check out the funky noise and get an oil change. Mike was nice enough to take me, and let me borrow his car while he's at work.... so I don't have to wait and wait some more...

Yesterday was not a great day in the studio... I had decided I was gonna only paint owls... and then, I pulled out my encyclopedia of superstitions....

Did you know that if you have bad luck, you can reverse it by wearing your underwear backwards? Or that if you kiss your elbow you will immediately change sex? (I wonder the percentage of people who will read this and then try to kiss their elbow.... I know I did).

I found a superstition where if your lover is leaves you, you take the heart of a dead pigeon and stick pins in it for your lover to return.... so, i abandoned the whole owl idea and worked on painting a pigeon.

I started out by transferring some black and white gift wrap paper on (12x12) masonite board... I painted one layer of Gesso on it... I probably should have painted two layers... because, once I did the transfer process, the paper would not come off all of the way, and was turning the black areas white...

So, I decided to burn it out with a propane torch... which caught the board on fire... a lot. It smelled AWFUL... but it worked, so I continued burning it... It did turn the white areas a brown color, but looks pretty cool... like it's got a patina on it.

I spent the WHOLE day trying to paint a pigeon... It was not working.. so I finally took the torch... and torched the whole thing off. Yup... melted it right off the board. I'm mad that I didn't think to take a pic of it before... but I started on a new pigeon... It's frustrating... the colors aren't even close to being right yet..

My instructor my piece with the most potential is the small one (3"x6") of the sacred heart, with the angel and cicada, and the fortune cookie that reads "the one you love is closer than you think."

It's funny that the paintings that get the best responses, are the ones that I throw together, without really thinking... Maybe I should think less... Maybe that's my problem: over-thinking.

The T.A from the Nature Freak class, Ken, sent me some stuff.. A pic of our last class... and the huge puppet that we carried in the 4th of July parade... I glued it to a 12x24 board and started to make it encaustic...


He is so sweet... he also wrote a column about the milkweeed plant, and used my illustration, and sent me a couple of copies of it.

Hoot Hoot

We have WATER! yay!

Earlier today we thought we may have to wait till Thursday ( at the earliest) for water... but it DID rain buckets (literally) last night... so I was able to shower completely tonight! The reality of the suckiness of not having water has kept us filling the back of the toilet with rainwater... I'm sure that's what we'll do here at LCW, until the buckets run out.

I had a VERY productive day today. I took busy work home, that I would usually do in the studio.. which is full of distractions. I borrowed Mikes head phones and blared Kings of Leon and Blonde Redhead records on my iPod. All of my classmates are great.. but with my short attention-span, that's not the best environment for me to work in.

I spent all night scraping off excess layers of wax... not my favorite activity.

This morning, I took Freezer Paper and ironed tissue paper on the waxy side. That is the coolest thing ever! I was able to cut the tissue paper/freezer paper so they would fit in the printer. Then I copied and printed images on the paper. When the tissue paper is ironed on to wax paper, it also makes it an easier surface to draw on.

Then I was able to pull the tissue paper off and collage the image on with encaustic. (the sacred heart was done that way)

I also decided today I would only paint/draw owls... that limits some of the limitlessness of what I can do with encaustic.

When I got to the studio this afternoon, I felt focused... not overwhelmed... I think that is because I had a plan, and some pieces I could incorporate into work. ... so i painted an owl.... not so easy... but I think he's kinda cute.

In the first class (the "Portraits Narratives and Myths Class" that was not supposed to be glass blowing... but was), my instructor told me that my work was too pretty and too narrative.... (funny if you think about the name of the class), but I was thinking about that today... and I love to write... to tell stories... and if I can't tell stories with words, I'd like to tell them with my art. All of my art is narrative... like a blog in pictures... that doesn't make me feel insecure anymore.

I'm really sorry that I've been hard to get in touch with lately... there is no internet and my cell does not work well at the house... and when I'm on campus, well,... I'm working... or checking the internet... which I get teased about by my classmates...

No Water... no flushing... no shower... no bueno

I was able to clean up my car and studio space... although, by evening, I'd already made a huge mess in my studio space.

I think I'm finally starting to understand what people mean when they say have I have my own style... I've asked a couple of people in my class... They said it's because I have a strong design quality... almost like painting like it was graphic design. I'm glad, because I was worried that it was because I was painting birds... and if I stopped painting birds or wallpaper-like backgrounds, I wouldn't have my own style. But now I know that's not true.

I do like graphic design a lot. I love collage. I think I paint that way. The only thing about painting, is that, unlike photoshop, there's no "undo" button. I think that makes me more hesitant to put the brush to canvas.

I'm working on backgrounds... that takes a LOT of prep time. I mean A LOT of mindless prep time. Here's an example... it doesn't look like much... but that took up most of the day yesterday.

Today I decided that I'm going to take the tedious prep work home with me... that way I can sit in front of a movie and work... instead of being in a studio with a lot of distractions going on around me.

Also, earlier today, I was at the house... I smelled like a mountain hobo, so jumped in the shower. After I soaped up, the water stopped! I had to get the soap off with a towel... I hadn't washed my hair yet. All of the water is GONE! There's a drought here, and it caught up to the house's water supply. What's funny is that Mike was telling me the other day that he's never had a problem with water running out... He jinxed us!
I didn't realize how bad the situation was, until I got a text from him that said that it was bad news... I can shower at Pablo's and to pray for rain. About three hours later, it started to rain... HARD. It's still raining! I called him to ask him if he did some sort of rain-dance.. he said he was about to ask me the same thing. It hasn't rained for so hard and long since I've been here... The pump is off so the reservoir can fill up... so he's been finding any and everything that will work as a bucket to collect rain in... That's really good news, because even though we can't shower... at least now we can flush the toilet...


but if we weren't able to flush... and had to go outside... we would have to reflect on the oh so important question: Do you burn or bury the t.p. .... hmmm....?

Say "Prune!"

One thing I've learned this summer was that when the Olsen twins have a picture taken they say "Prune" so there lips look pouty. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but Cas seemed convinced. So we have taken many many pictures saying "Prune" instead of "Cheese."



I don't think I have it down yet... I usually look angry. We've also had other people say "Prune" with us... above are some photos.

On Saturdays, we don't have class... the studio is open for us to work in. I took it easy today. I slept in. Read some of the book that Laura sent me. It's called, "Love is a mix tape: Life and Loss One Song at a Time" by Rob Sheffield. It's his memoir, about the love of his life who died suddenly... I got chills reading the first chapter. He talks about how he wakes up panicking that he may forget details about Renee, like what color her eyes were... I feel the same way. I know I won't forget, but reading this makes me want to write everything down that I can... So I won't be scared to forget.

I also watched the movie, The King of California. I loved it. I can't even describe it... it's just really good.

I went to the studio for a while... I did some transferring with a bird drawing... There's a man, Xander, who teaches collage who comes in to paint, even though he's in another class. I've talked to him a bit. His work is awesome... (I'll post the web site tomorrow when I get his card). He gave me some papers and transparencies that I can collage with. He started to show me some of his work... I noticed a lot of writing in some collage with words and some were circled and crossed out. He said it was from some game. I said, "Boggle?" yes... it was Boggle.


C and I used to play boggle a LOT. When ever we played we used the same notebooks to keep score... I still have all of those. So now I know what I can do with them. This is why I'm here... I want to take past memories and make them present... and by making them into art, I think it gives them new life... and old memories will make new memories... I don't know if that makes sense out of my head, but in my head it sounds good.

Oh yeah! The girl who makes jewelry from plants and seeds and flowers cast in silver, gave me her website... it's www.manidesignsjewelry.com

Tomorrow, I'm going to clean, clean clean... my car and my desk.

Okay, so I over used the word AMAZING today (and awesome and great)

"I know they're good for the ecosystem and all, but that really sucks they're living in your couch."

Yes... I overheard this part of a conversation, backstage at the Old 97s show on Thursday night. And what was living in the couch? "Tree rats." hmmm....?

Thursday was Cas's last night in Asheville before she drove the big ol' Budget truck to Florida. We went to the Orange Peel, a cool live music venue in Ashe-Vegas with the biggest fan on the ceiling I've ever seen... seriously.

I was looking forward to see Rhett and the guys... and was surprised to see the guys from the Cut*off there too. They played at Jayme and my birthday party last February. It was really good to see some familiar faces. They are all so awesome!

We were all talking back stage and I really wish.... actually I was kicking myself for not having a tape recorder. Some of the random bits of conversation were so funny... like the tree rats... Another quote, "he's got like, Whore-Polarity or something." Backstage humor... and the signs... oh the funny funny signs.... (this pic was not posed at all... i'm lying).

I was trying really hard to remember more... but can't. We had such a blast! Seriously, all of the guys in both bands are JUST AWESOME. (okay Q-dog.... that one was for you).

Rhett is such an amazing performer... here is a perfect example of the difference between an amazing musician, a halfass one:

All of the electricity goes out on the stage for the last part of the show... Do you:
A. Explain to the audience that there are technical difficulties and then end the show, and get mad and yell at some one backstage.

or B. Pick up an accoustic guitar and start jamming out songs the audience knows and singing at the top of your lungs (no mic) , giving the crowd an amazing memorable concert they won't forget..

Rhett picked B... gave it his all, the crowd was singing along, the floor was bouncing... no one will forget what an amazing live performance The Old 97's put on.

The Cut*off didn't have a place to crash... and without even thinking to ask first, I offered them the empty hardwood floors in Cas's living room... They actually took us up on the offer... two of the guys crashed so hard, we could hear them snoring in the other room.. and the next day when I got up, they were still crashed out and snoring in the same spots on the floor. We had so much fun hanging out with those guys... if ya'll are reading this: thank you, we had a blast!

Yesterday (Friday), I started out in the best mood when I drove back to Penland... still high on all of the fun from the night before. I got to the studio, made some more progress.... I learned a great technique to transfer images on wax!

It has to be a Xerox (something to do with the ink), and then you warm a flat surface of wax, when it's luke warm, you put the image face down and rub the back of it (with something hard), then you take a bit of water and rub off the paper... that leaves the ink image on the wax. Very cool! Especially because before I left Dallas, Sam made a bunch of Xerox copies of my bird drawings! Thank you Sam! ... (wow, lot's of "shout outs" from me today).


Next we had class critiques... I wasn't digging that idea because I don't feel like I've done anything substantial yet.... The third critique was a girl in the class whose work I really like... a lot. She likes my work a lot, too... We have the same aesthetic (yes, I know... I hate that word... but it works here). Her work is very personal (like mine is)... and she said she felt like an impostor making art (sound familiar?)... and during her critique (which was all very positive), I started to get emotional.

I don't know exactly what was said, but I wanted to cry. I wanted to leave the room... but didn't want to make a scene (by crying or leaving the room), so I started to have an anxiety attack.. after her critique I left the studio... sat outside and cried. I don't know what triggered it... I was confused... why was I crying? I have no idea... still have no idea.

After I got myself together, I came back inside... and then it was time for mine. I wanted to cry again... I didn't know how to describe my work... I don't know what I'm doing... or trying to do or say... ugh.

I pulled out some of my old drawings and started to collage them. Everyone was nice... offering help with techniques..

The good thing is, in this class everyone is so supportive and encouraging.

You know how there's "that one" person in EVERY class? Well, there's NOT one in this class... As a class we even talked about how great the dynamic is.

It's great for the class... but it doesn't make for a very entertaining blog.

Crickets?

I was outside on the picnic table earlier, and huge bee started to attack me. I jumped, ducked, flailed my arms around, and hopped. I was hoping no one saw me... But when I looked up, a woman from my class was standing there with a confused, yet amused look on her face. Trying to explain myself I just said, "Bee" but it came out like a little kid saying, "Bee?"... She laughed and said, " I thought you were doing some sort of exercise moves, with a cigarette." Busted for my irrational fear of buzzing... once again.

I did make some serious progress in the studio... I transfered the wrapping paper to wood. I did this by using Matte Medium and placing the picture side down, and then rubbing really hard... Then I let it dry, and washed the paper off the back leaving the image. Then I cut some wall paper samples and collaged it on with wax. I have photo copies of some of my bird drawings, so I cut out the hummingbird.. I'm not so sure he'll go this piece... we'll see.

One great tip I got from Sheryl (who was my instructor in the first class I took up here), was to start with 6 or 7 surfaces... So that way I won't feel anxious about trying images/colors. If an image doesn't look right on one piece, I can do it differently on another. I've been using that advice and it really helps.

I feel like all I've been doing is work work work... (and a little emailing). I'm glad I'm making work, but I don't pay attention to other classmates enough to notice if there are any odd characters in this class... actually the class dynamic is great... we're all kinda on the same page... the page that reads "work, work, work." Although there is one girl who also blogs... and used to blog for a porn site... I haven't asked her about it... so I don't know more than that.

I really need to get R(H)onda to the car doctor... she sounds a little funny... My car is trashed... ugh.

Now I'm back in Ashevegas... I just gave Cas her "Crickets" painting. She loves it. I'm glad I didn't toss it when it was driving me insane. We're off to see the Old 97's... and then I'm not sure if I'll go back to Penland tonight or tomorrow yet... there is so much more work I wanna do... 2 1/2 weeks just isn't enough time!

Ho Sweet Hoe

I woke up a little late today... Which was fine, considering I didn't leave the studio until after midnight last night. I find that I'm much more creative in the afternoon and evening than during the day. I still have issues with painting and drawing in front of anyone, and there are less people around at night.

I like living off campus, I'm probably only a mile or two away, because it's cheaper... and it's nice to be able to get off campus. The downside is that it is further away... and harder to take cat naps, or get something from my room. All and all it's been good. The gravel drive is wearing on R(H)onda... my car is starting to make a weird noise, but the Toe River Service station is busy this week... plus, I don't really have time to take her in.

My table in the studio is in the back room, with three women (in their 40s) who have all worked with encaustic before. I swear they're cranking out 4 paintings a day! Where as I've been working on the same "Crickets" painting for two days! They also paint abstractly... I can't be abstract... well, I try... but then I just HAVE to but something on it... which then makes it not so abstract.

The crickets painting is for Cas for her b-day/going away/house warming gift (I really hope she's not reading this right now- it's a surprise... kinda)... "Crickets" is an inside joke (well, after I tell you it won't be)... When ever one of us says something that's NOT funny and there's silence... we say "Crickets!"... The classic-Cas example was when I was looking for Grandfather Mountain... I said, "Where's Grandfather mountain?" Cas: "With Grandmother Mountain... heh heh heh".... ummm..... CRICKETS?! So, I hope she digs it.

After I stopped beating the crickets into the wax... literally... i got out some of the wall paper samples and stencils... and tried some new techniques... One being transferring images from paper to wood... This is a gift wrapping paper... I figure, if it works, I can use this as patterns too..


and I broke out the trusty ol' stencils. I think I'm finally starting to get in the groove....

I didn't know this, but if you put oil paints on a paper towel... the paper sucks some of the oil out. Then I can mix it with wax on the hot palette. I didn't realize when I took the pic... but now the paper towel reads: "HO SWEET HOE"... ha. (no crickets please...) :)

Tomorrow night I'm gonna go to Asheville... The Old 97's are playing... I made a phone call.. or rather text... so I hope we're able to get in.

Working overtime

Wax dries fast... real fast. Faster than acrylic paint... you'd think that I'd be all about it since I'm all about instant gratification when it comes to art. Maybe it' too instant... too gratifying... because when something looks good, I keep going over it again and again, until it no longer looks even remotely good.

My last two classes here were more about learning technique than creating work... and I was expecting this class to be the same... NOT SO MUCH. While I'm still screwing around with technique, other students are creating work.. and badass work... maybe my self confidence in my art work is starting to do the second day drop...

Maybe I should be doing more. Maybe I should stop pouring more wax on work that already looks pretty good. Maybe I'm doing exactly what I should be doing. Who knows anyways...

Yesterday I was entertained by text messages from Cas. She was telling me about the fashion emergency, crisis in the Orlando airport... the jorts (jean shorts), the heels with shoes, the age-inappropriate clothing.. i had a good laugh.

The great thing about encaustic (besides the drying time), is that you can paint on anything, or put anything in it... Great for found objects... maybe this is how I'll take my past, and incorporate it into the present...

I found two black feathers yesterday... I hear that finding a black feather means good luck:

Hopefully no one will set anything on fire... Hopefully no spiders will eat me...

i didn't want to say anything about bugs... but I'm staying off campus in the little cabin in the woods (LCW), to my dad's amusement (which he said he thought I'd never really stay there... Dad, where did you think I'd stay?? ). I was sitting outside with my roommate... he said he felt a spider making a web on him... I thought: yeah right... So I turned on the inside light... YUP... big ol' spider (little bigger than quarter-sized) was hanging on the web he was building on M... BLUGH!!!!

Encaustic lessons

So now I've started the encaustic class at Penland. The first official class was last night... but that was mainly an introduction and the same 45 min. safety demo... but since we are working with hot wax and fire, it was more appropriate than when I was working with watercolor paints.

This class is all women, except for our instructor (poor guy). This is the first class I've been in here where there are other people my age. Not way younger or older... but my age! Two of the girls in my class look really familiar. One of them was in marketing for a long time and just started going back to art school and painting a year ago... sound familiar?

We started out this morning looking at slides of encaustic painting and it's history. Mummy portraits were painted in encaustic. Also, I didn't realize that encaustic is similar to oil paint (well, kinda), and you can use encaustic with oil paint... I suck at oil painting... I've never learned how, and every time I've tried I just end up finger painting a big ol' mess.

Then we learned how to make our own medium by melting bees wax and Damar resin, and then this afternoon we were set free to experiment. I'm just feeling it out... making a huge waxy mess right now, and experimenting... Our instructor (Jeff) left at 5... I have a whole bunch of questions for him tomorrow.

I feel really comfortable in this class. I'm not sure if it's because my head and heart are in a better place than when I started my last two classes... or if it's the class dynamic. It's really hard to tell. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I enjoy meeting people and talking to them... I didn't feel that way before. Maybe it's because I'm more familiar with Penland, or that I consider myself just as much as an artist as the other students... I wasn't self-confident at all before.

I talked to Jeff for a bit today. He told me he saw my website and really liked my work. He said it was "strong." That made me feel validated again. Please, gimme more complements! Brag on me all you want! :) But then I thought, how would he have seen my work? So I asked him if he googled me. He had (me along with all of the other classmates). I'm relieved that he already knows what I've been through.

He did say, "It looks like you've got a great support network behind you. It's neat to see that. And you can tell what a great guy Carter was by how much so many people loved him."

Wow. That made me feel really good that someone who doesn't know either of us got that after just googling me. It's completely true. I'm very blessed to have my support system of family, friends and loved ones, and to have had C's presence and love in my life.

Skunked

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days. I've been chilling, and haven't had great internet access or cell service.

Andrew and I had a great time at Penland. We went to Pablo Soto's studio (the picture above is of his work... Photographer: Andrew) and watched M (my new roomie) and Pablo blow glass. We also saw his wife's studio, Cristina Cordova is a ceramics artist, and Kel used to work for her. Andrew was more interested in meeting and playing (or flirting) with their daughter, who is around his age.

Andrew told me about the seven girlfriends he had in Kindergarten... I asked him if I could be his girlfriend, and instead of an answer like, "eww no old lady" (which I expected)... he smiled and said, "I'm too short." Trying not to laugh I said, "and I'm too old... maybe in 20 years." To which, he said, "I'll be like twenty-eight and you'll be forty something!" me: "Perfect!" and he blushed and smiled. Ha... kids are funny.

Cassie and Andrew left for Florida... they're moving. :( But I'm gonna go visit. I left for Beech Mountain again, for some R&R before I start class. M came up too. We had fun, just chilling... going to the pool and wildlife refuge and then checking out the Tapas restaurant in Banner Elk... Which was really good.

I've seen several skunks up at Beech... Cas and Werdy saw 5... Last night M and I were outside, and heard dog barking and then smelled skunk. It was so close that we got sprayed too! It wasn't a direct hit, but enough to make us really stinky. Skunk smells TOTALLY different when you're that close, rather than the usual smell that I associate with skunk... ewww... I keep smelling it, even after a shower and hydrogen peroxide.

My class starts tonight. I'm on my way back to Penland... back to the LCW (Little Cabin in the Woods), back to the bugs, back to class. I'm so excited about this class, Encaustic Painting. But I'm nervous again too. New class, new people, new teachers... new techniques... here I go...

Camera shy....

This is a pic of a finished nature journal page. It's my "bog-scape" from the class trip June 30th. It's also taken by my cell phone, since my other camera broke. The top is the landscape, but I exaggerated some of the details of the bog that stuck out in my memory.

When I woke up yesterday, I felt much better. I hung around Beech, and then left for Asheville in the afternoon. I went to a mall... I haven't been to a mall since I've been here. I bought a new camera (YAY), and a thumb drive. I have a fear of something happening to my computer, and not being able to get my pictures off of it. I need to back up everything on my computer.

We had a relaxing night last night, and went to bed early.

I'm watching Andrew for Cassie, while she's at work. He hasn't woken up yet, but when he does, I'm going to take him to Penland to watch glass blowing and then go gem mining, if we have time.

With my new thumb drive, I was able to take the pics we took at Beech over the weekend and put them on my computer.

That one is our shadows by the mountain lake.

There are some HILARIOUS ones. We are obviously not camera shy... Are we adults? We were trying to take pics to see who could jump the highest. Werdy won.


But when cropped.... well look at his face:

Here's one that looks like I'm kicking Cas in the face and off the ground: (I can't stop laughing at it):

Forward Motions

This is the first nature journal page I did. It's not completely finished. It's of the Grassy Balds on Roan Mountain (the hike in the blog: Plant Porn On The Grassy Balds)

Sometimes feelings and emotions come out of nowhere... that happened last night and today. I didn't even realize I had repressed anything. I thought I had gotten everything out on the table.... then, like a kick to the gut, one hit me. And it hurt.

I probably couldn't deal with it before now... I wasn't strong enough... or something... I'm not sure how that works... All I know is today I feel like the poster-child for PTSD, and I wish my repressed memory could stay repressed, but since it's gotta come out anyways... I'll work it through.

The good thing is that I am so much stronger now. I know things aren't going to be easy, but they'll still keep going. And going forward, as long as I keep up the momentum.

I decided to be creative today. Cas and Andrew went back to Ashe-Vegas, and I stayed here at Beech. I wrote in my journal, cyber-stalked my friends and family (not really, well maybe a little), and I did collage. Not the same collage as I did before, but in Photoshop (which I think still counts).

This is a collage of my first bird drawing, that I did less than a year ago. And Carter's hand-written lyrics to Sparrows, a song that will be released on his solo CD: Jesus Is Alive And Living In London.



This collage is photos taken by the talented photographer Zach Lewis (in Dallas), of me... he makes me look purdy. I tricked it up a bit and played with the opacity of the layers. For some reason I can't post a larger image than this size... but If I could, you could see the pattern in the photos is more little pictures of me... a million little ryanns... awww.




I got a request for more pictures of my art... and I totally agree! I need to post pics even when I don't think they look as good in a photo... So, JN, I'm posting these for you and me! :)

And thanks to everyone for the comments, and encouragement. I love it. And if you have any ideas/suggestions, let me know. I want to know!

Deep Dishing

A little of what I've done and what I think...

It rained today... I woke up today after a full 8 hrs of sleep... the first night in a week or so. I don't know why, but I'll go several days or a week or more, not being able to get more than 3-5 hours of sleep/night, and then I'll have a couple of days where I need to sleep for 12, then back to the 3-5. I don't know if this is only since Carter's death, or if it was before too... I don't remember.

Cas, W (or Werdy as Andrew calls him) and I took the silliest pictures last night... We hung out on the porch, talked and listened to music, and then decided to take ridiculous pics! I'll add them when I can. There's one where Cas is jumping and I'm kicking my leg in the air, and it looks like I'm kicking her face (I'm not). Werdy went home today... it was so good to see him... all of us, meeting up, outside of dallas... and doing better.

We went to Brick Oven, a place on the top of Beech Mountain. The employees' shirts said, "Good Food Isn't Cheap; Cheap Food Isn't Good"... how strange is that for a branding slogan?! Especially when the pizza is Chuck-E-Cheese-ish. Maybe instead it should read, "Our Food Isn't Cheap; Driving To Banner Elk For Good Food Isn't Cheap Either" that's a gas price saving slogan... or "Good Food Is Far, So Our Food Isn't Cheap"... Andrew loved playing games in the back of the restaurant... how about, "Not Cheap, But Kid Approved".?

Cas is moving to Florida this week. So really this is the last time we'll be hanging out before our move. I'm sad she's leaving. We laugh so much, and that is so therapeutic. Before she and I started hanging out in Charleston, I hadn't laughed much (at all) since C died. I'm gonna go and visit her though, and I know we'll always be there for each other.

I still think about him and love him everyday, I think about his parents everyday. The loss doesn't get easier... but living has become easier since I've been on the road.

We watched the movie "Catch and Release" tonight. I know I've seen it before... It's a romantic comedy about a girl who's fiance is killed and how she discovers living again. When I watched it before, I just saw it as a really cute romantic comedy. When I watched it tonight, it was much, much more... It was as if I'd never seen that movie. I also listened to a Ron Sexsmith song that I didn't ever "get" before... and finally "got" it. It's strange how differently I see the world now.

I don't know where I'll be in a year from now... or a couple of months from now. But a year ago I thought I knew for sure where I'd be.... and look at me now. So, I'm just still going with the flow... and trying to live, learn, laugh and love as much as possible, each day.

F'art Studio: Coming Soon...

ahh, beech mountain. Cas and andrew came up the day before yesterday. It's interesting how much more of Beech I see when guests are here, instead of me, by myself. I like it.

We woke up cracking art/fart jokes, (having an 8 year old there brings out the dork in us). It went something like this: oh wow, I love your fart work, it really speaks to me. Have you sold any of your fartwork lately? Yes i've sold quite a few pieces of my fart. You're quite the fartist. We should make a fart studio so we can paint." My parents are so proud right now.... (or not)
Oh, Lordy... what's wrong with me? Andrew is still so excited about making a fart studio (which is just tarps down so we can do crafts) he's even made a sign that says, "Fart Studio... Coming Soon"

Finally the sun came out... it seemed like it had been pouring rain ever since I got out of the Nature Freak class... And I really wanted to go to a pool, or swimming to try and rid myself of this ridiculous farmer's tan. Laying out at a pool on the top of a mountain, I could tell I was up on a mountain just by looking at the sky... the clouds look closer, and you can see them move and change shape in different ways... Really cool. But the Sun is also closer... and even though I don't tan or burn easily, I got a little sunburned for the second time this summer... now that I realize that, hopefully it won't happen again.

then we went to see the animals at the wildlife refuge. Andrew was so surprised and loved it. Our favorite animal was an owl, that was doing some funky funky dance moves... we danced with him... so funny.

There's a beautiful mountain lake right there, and we went and sat out there and took pics (shocker) of ourselves (double shocker), while Andrew played with the fish and rocks. It was really a magical place. I don't have a way to post the pics now so I'll do it later.

W drove in last night, and we grilled out. A and I made a "Gem Museum" (It was my way of getting him to help me clean the kitchen... he wouldn't want the museum patrons to be turned off at the sight of the messy kitchen, would he? Then we rehearsed our scripts and led our two patrons to the grand opening of the gem museum (in the kitchen)... unfortunately, (as you can see from the pic below) the museum is now out of business... but the restaurant is open, and the fart studio is coming soon... (no pic of fart studio sign... he had already thrown it away before i could take a pic)...

Today has been a lazier day. We're a little pooped. I think tonight will be low key... movies, and maybe make some fart in the newly remodeled fart studio.